We are entering a new year and leaving behind the old year. For me the old year was a year of countless blessings. It was also a year that had its share of trials. In March my Mom passed away. The last few months have also included a major back pain flare-up and many accompanying appointments. Further, there were a couple major family issues. Finally, this time of year is the anniversary of my husband's death seven years ago and a reminder of the disabling effects of his disease in the years before that.
Recently while I was reading one of my devotional books I was reminded that when plagued by an ongoing and persistent trial one should look at it a a rich teaching opportunity. God is trying to teach me and teach all of us many things through the trials and problems of life. What we can learn through these opportunities are only limited by our willingness to listen to the voice of God and be teachable. For me my recent back issues, which are slowly getting better, have reminded me how dependent I am on the the Lord.
This same devotional reminded me that I need to be thankful for all that God is accomplishing in my life through all the problems and trials. I need to actually thank Him for the trials and problems. That is often difficult to do in the midst of them, but in the measure I can do that it will both praise God and lift me up as well. In yet another devotional I read that same morning I read this, "Suffering calls us out of our shallowness into the dangerous and demanding but ultimately delightful depths of an intense life with God" (Nancy Guthrie from her book: The One Year Book of Hope)
Psalm 50:14 in the Old Testament of the Bible says, "Sacrifice thank offerings to God, fulfill your vows to the Most High. Another translation says, "Bring your thanks to God as a sacrifice." Sometimes praise and thanks seems almost impossible in the midst of a trial, but a sacrifice of praise in spite of our feelings can bring huge blessings. God says to us in Psalm 50:23, "He who sacrifices thank offerings honors Me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God."
This new year will present us with new challenges and blessings. Some will be pleasant. Some may be very difficult. Some of you will enter the new year with the ongoing challenges of family care-giving. Some will also have other challenges. Trust the Lord through it all. Seek the Lord and rest in Him through it all. Even seek to bring the Lord a sacrifice of praise through it all.
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Sunday, December 24, 2017
Hope on This Christmas Eve
(The following post is a blog post that I have published around Christmas the last few years. Once again, I pray that the Lord will bless your Christmas with His love and comfort, dear caregiver.)
December is the month that we think of Christmas and hope. Dear caregiver, is your life weighed down with care and worry this Christmas season; or is it filled with hope? I remember my care-giving years during which I saw my husband continue to decline in his health step by step. It was tempting at such times to give up hope. Hope is something all of us can possess no matter how difficult our circumstances, however.
During the holiday season we are reminded of the birth of Jesus Christ. Over two thousand years ago before Jesus was born most of the people were living without very much hope. Then in Luke chapter two of the Bible we read that an angel appeared to Mary and told her that she was being blessed by God's grace in becoming the mother of Jesus. Jesus Christ was coming as the Savior of His people!
Mary's response to this was openhearted acceptance (Luke 1:38). Mary would suffer many immediate problems being the mother of Jesus. She would experience many heartaches in her future. Because Mary now had hope, however, she was willing to accept God's will for her life with joy. A life secure in the Lord's hope can move with confidence through life in spite of difficulties and challenges.
Life as a caregiver can be very heartbreaking and challenging. There are times when the circumstances of care-giving can be overwhelming. But like Mary in the Bible we too can have hope no matter what our circumstances. Dear caregiver, rest your care-giving heartaches with the Lord. Know that He is the source of strength and hope. His hope is not a wishful thinking type of hope, but it is a hope based on His certain promises in the Bible. His hope is secure and will never leave you.
December is the month that we think of Christmas and hope. Dear caregiver, is your life weighed down with care and worry this Christmas season; or is it filled with hope? I remember my care-giving years during which I saw my husband continue to decline in his health step by step. It was tempting at such times to give up hope. Hope is something all of us can possess no matter how difficult our circumstances, however.
During the holiday season we are reminded of the birth of Jesus Christ. Over two thousand years ago before Jesus was born most of the people were living without very much hope. Then in Luke chapter two of the Bible we read that an angel appeared to Mary and told her that she was being blessed by God's grace in becoming the mother of Jesus. Jesus Christ was coming as the Savior of His people!
Mary's response to this was openhearted acceptance (Luke 1:38). Mary would suffer many immediate problems being the mother of Jesus. She would experience many heartaches in her future. Because Mary now had hope, however, she was willing to accept God's will for her life with joy. A life secure in the Lord's hope can move with confidence through life in spite of difficulties and challenges.
Life as a caregiver can be very heartbreaking and challenging. There are times when the circumstances of care-giving can be overwhelming. But like Mary in the Bible we too can have hope no matter what our circumstances. Dear caregiver, rest your care-giving heartaches with the Lord. Know that He is the source of strength and hope. His hope is not a wishful thinking type of hope, but it is a hope based on His certain promises in the Bible. His hope is secure and will never leave you.
Sunday, December 17, 2017
Wonderful Gifts
(I am bringing back today a post that I published in previous Decembers. I hope you are experiencing a blessed Christmas season, dear caregiver.)
What kind of Christmas do you anticipate this year, dear Christian caregiver? Perhaps your Christmas will involve a lot of extra work for you in addition to the challenges and responsibilities of care-giving, or perhaps you are feeling isolated and ignored and all alone this Christmas in your care-giving responsibilities. Instead, however perhaps you will experience Christmas this year as a reminder of your blessings and as a blessed respite from the drama of care-giving.
Whatever we experience this Christmas and with every gift we receive at Christmas or at any time of year we have to open our hands to receive the gift; or the gift does not benefit us or give us any joy. The gifts we receive which are eternally precious, however, are the gifts which God wants to give us.
The Lord first offers us the gift of salvation which is what Christmas and walking with the Lord is all about. He further offers us the accompanying gifts of joy, peace, and hope. They are ours for the taking; and yes, dear Christian caregiver, they can coexist with the pain and heartache which often are present in care-giving. Further, the Lord promises us a happy ending. That happy ending is eternal life. Christian caregiver, the heartaches that sometimes accompany care-giving are but a comma in your life story. They are not the end of your life’s story. They are not the end of your loved one’s life story for whom you are caring either.
We also can all receive other gifts. We can receive the gift of trust in God and letting Him control our lives. We receive this gift by resting in Him and by letting go of anything which we are holding onto too tightly or trying to control. As a former caregiver I know how much we want to stop the progress of our love one’s disease, but much of this is beyond our control.
We also all have to let go of feelings of unforgiveness for people who have not been there for us. We further have to receive the gift of forgiveness for ourselves We have to bring to the Lord any true wrongs, and ask for His forgiveness. Further, we often carry around a lot of false guilt about things beyond our control. So whether false guilt or true guilt we need to let it go. We need to give it to the Lord. Trust and letting go are great gifts to have in our lives. Caregivers often carry around a lot of guilt. Dear caregiver, receive the gift of releasing it to the Lord.
One great gift we can give ourselves is the gift of acceptance of our situation. We often waste so much energy wishing circumstances were different, but we can rest assured that we are right where we are supposed to be in our lives. Dear Christian caregiver, your responsibilities are emotionally overwhelming at times. I know that because I experienced it, but in the measure that you can accept where God has placed you now in your life you will find joy. It is a great gift you can give yourself.
Yet another wonderful gift we can give ourselves is the gift of being still in the presence of God. (Psalm 46:10) Doing this helps us grow in peace, wisdom, and insights. Finally, we can give ourselves the gift of gratitude. When we are grateful in spite of our circumstances our joy and blessings will multiply and resentments will flee.
Christian caregiver, you have many challenges and sometimes you experience much emotional upheaval as a caregiver of your loved one. Would not these be wonderful gifts to have in your life? These are wonderful gifts not just for Christmas but all year long!
What kind of Christmas do you anticipate this year, dear Christian caregiver? Perhaps your Christmas will involve a lot of extra work for you in addition to the challenges and responsibilities of care-giving, or perhaps you are feeling isolated and ignored and all alone this Christmas in your care-giving responsibilities. Instead, however perhaps you will experience Christmas this year as a reminder of your blessings and as a blessed respite from the drama of care-giving.
Whatever we experience this Christmas and with every gift we receive at Christmas or at any time of year we have to open our hands to receive the gift; or the gift does not benefit us or give us any joy. The gifts we receive which are eternally precious, however, are the gifts which God wants to give us.
The Lord first offers us the gift of salvation which is what Christmas and walking with the Lord is all about. He further offers us the accompanying gifts of joy, peace, and hope. They are ours for the taking; and yes, dear Christian caregiver, they can coexist with the pain and heartache which often are present in care-giving. Further, the Lord promises us a happy ending. That happy ending is eternal life. Christian caregiver, the heartaches that sometimes accompany care-giving are but a comma in your life story. They are not the end of your life’s story. They are not the end of your loved one’s life story for whom you are caring either.
We also can all receive other gifts. We can receive the gift of trust in God and letting Him control our lives. We receive this gift by resting in Him and by letting go of anything which we are holding onto too tightly or trying to control. As a former caregiver I know how much we want to stop the progress of our love one’s disease, but much of this is beyond our control.
We also all have to let go of feelings of unforgiveness for people who have not been there for us. We further have to receive the gift of forgiveness for ourselves We have to bring to the Lord any true wrongs, and ask for His forgiveness. Further, we often carry around a lot of false guilt about things beyond our control. So whether false guilt or true guilt we need to let it go. We need to give it to the Lord. Trust and letting go are great gifts to have in our lives. Caregivers often carry around a lot of guilt. Dear caregiver, receive the gift of releasing it to the Lord.
One great gift we can give ourselves is the gift of acceptance of our situation. We often waste so much energy wishing circumstances were different, but we can rest assured that we are right where we are supposed to be in our lives. Dear Christian caregiver, your responsibilities are emotionally overwhelming at times. I know that because I experienced it, but in the measure that you can accept where God has placed you now in your life you will find joy. It is a great gift you can give yourself.
Yet another wonderful gift we can give ourselves is the gift of being still in the presence of God. (Psalm 46:10) Doing this helps us grow in peace, wisdom, and insights. Finally, we can give ourselves the gift of gratitude. When we are grateful in spite of our circumstances our joy and blessings will multiply and resentments will flee.
Christian caregiver, you have many challenges and sometimes you experience much emotional upheaval as a caregiver of your loved one. Would not these be wonderful gifts to have in your life? These are wonderful gifts not just for Christmas but all year long!
Sunday, December 10, 2017
Christmas Stress or Joy
My husband passed away about a week after Christmas seven years ago. I remember that Christmas. All my sons' families were able to be home that year. It had been a number of years since we were all together at the same time because of distances between where we live from each other. Perhaps we subconsciously knew there would not be another Christmas with my husband being present with us. Yet I do not think any of us anticipated that in a little over a week, my husband, Wayne, would be with the Lord. That Christmas there were chaotic moments and good moments with so many people under one roof, but it is a memory which no one can take from us.
What memories are you creating, dear caregiver? Sometimes care-giving can be overwhelming with its responsibilities. In that scenario who feels like the extra hassle of Christmas decorating and giving? If your loved one is very ill, somehow it may even seem out of place.
Yet perhaps we are putting the emphasis the wrong place. Is not Christmas about the birth of the Lord Jesus, of His coming to this fallen world to save us? So if your loved one is a believer, even if he or she is not with you next Christmas; you both have something to celebrate. This life is not the end of all things. We have an eternity ahead of us!
So we do not have to win contests about the best decorated house in the city or the most expensive gifts. I live alone now since my husband's passing. My Christmas decorating took perhaps only an hour this year. Dear caregiver, let your Christmas be about celebrating the Lord this year and the eternity which is ahead. Let it also be about your relationship with your family and friends and especially about your loved one for whom you are caring. Make a memory. Minimize the stress and accent the joy.
(On another note give yourself or another caregiver a gift of love this Christmas-my book: DEAR CAREGIVER Reflections for Family Caregivers. I wrote this book out of a love and understanding for caregivers. I wrote it from my own experience as a family caregiver. Click on the Amazon link below to purchase the book either in paperback or Kindle. It is also available at Barnes and Noble, Xulon, and elsewhere online. If you prefer you can also get my book directly from me by e-mailing me for specifics, My e-mail address is jesuschild54@hotmail.com)
Sunday, December 3, 2017
Thankfulness in Life's Struggles
We have recently passed through the Thanksgiving season in the United States where I live. We are already immersed in the Christmas season, if the stores and decorated houses are any indication. Yet sometimes when we look at our own personal struggles and the tragic happenings in the world around us, we may struggle in our desire to be joyful in the Lord and in our desire to be grateful in all circumstances.
In the last months in our world there have been devastating hurricanes, terrorist attacks, and senseless killings, one of which was at a church where the people were worshiping on a Sunday morning. I don't know about you, but I have also had some personal struggles in my life. So how does one hold onto joy and gratitude in such times?
Jesus has said that we will have troubles and trials in this life. He said in John 16:33 in the Bible, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." The fact that He has overcome the world makes all the difference. He will walk beside us in this life. We also have the HOPE of an eternity free from difficulties and trials of this life in the future.
As we enter the Christmas season let's not forget the HOPE that Christ's coming to this earth brought us. He is willing to forgive our sins, walk beside us in life's struggles, and is preparing an eternity for us in the future. That should fill us with joy and gratitude, as we approach this Christmas season and into the new year.
In the last months in our world there have been devastating hurricanes, terrorist attacks, and senseless killings, one of which was at a church where the people were worshiping on a Sunday morning. I don't know about you, but I have also had some personal struggles in my life. So how does one hold onto joy and gratitude in such times?
Jesus has said that we will have troubles and trials in this life. He said in John 16:33 in the Bible, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." The fact that He has overcome the world makes all the difference. He will walk beside us in this life. We also have the HOPE of an eternity free from difficulties and trials of this life in the future.
As we enter the Christmas season let's not forget the HOPE that Christ's coming to this earth brought us. He is willing to forgive our sins, walk beside us in life's struggles, and is preparing an eternity for us in the future. That should fill us with joy and gratitude, as we approach this Christmas season and into the new year.
Sunday, November 19, 2017
A Thankful Heart
(The below blog post is a repeat of a post I previously published at this blog at this time of year. I hope it will prove to be a blessing to you again. I will not be posting here next week. The next new post will be on or around December 3. Use this time to read some of my older posts here at Christian Care-giving. You can also check out my other blog, a devotional blog here:
http://scripturemoments.blogspot.com/ )
Family care-giving can be very discouraging especially when one's love one continues to deteriorate in his or her health. It is difficult to find things for which to be thankful in such a scenario. It seems impossible to have a thankful heart under such circumstances.
Yet a thankful heart opens up blessings from heaven and foretastes of heaven that cannot be attained in any other way. A thankful heart further revives hope and allows us to communicate on a more intimate level with the Lord. A thankful heart does not deny the reality of life's challenges, and care-giving certainly presents a host of problems and heartaches. A thankful heart does, however, recognize the Lord's presence and joy in the midst of those problems.
So perhaps the best place to start, dear caregiver, is to thank the Lord each day for His presence and peace. Also as you go through the day look for even the Lord's tiny treasures which He has placed on your path. Look with spiritual eyes for His wonders in your life. I have mentioned this before but I remember as a caregiver being challenged to write down each day at least three things for which I was thankful that day. That helped me immensely in persevering in the care-giving role.
It is said that a thankful heart takes the sting out of trials and adversity. Family care-giving often facilitates many challenges and trials. Yet we are commanded in the Bible to give thanks in everything. We may not always FEEL like giving thanks, but when we offer a SACRIFICE of thanks in spite of our feelings or circumstances, God gives us joy in spite of our circumstances.
That does not mean we always feel happy. Happiness and joy are not the same thing, but joy in the Lord and grief can coexist. It may seem nonsensical to thank God in and for difficult circumstances. Yet in the measure that we do so we will be blessed, even though the adversities may remain. Dear caregiver, thank the Lord today for His blessings!
In the United States we are celebrating Thanksgiving Day this week. It is a day when we especially try to remember to thank and praise God for the blessings of the past year. Care-giving is often challenging and difficult. Yet there are many blessings in our lives even in the most difficult of moments. Dear caregiver, thank the Lord for your blessings daily and not just on special occasions. It will lift your burdens and add joy to your life.
http://scripturemoments.blogspot.com/ )
Family care-giving can be very discouraging especially when one's love one continues to deteriorate in his or her health. It is difficult to find things for which to be thankful in such a scenario. It seems impossible to have a thankful heart under such circumstances.
Yet a thankful heart opens up blessings from heaven and foretastes of heaven that cannot be attained in any other way. A thankful heart further revives hope and allows us to communicate on a more intimate level with the Lord. A thankful heart does not deny the reality of life's challenges, and care-giving certainly presents a host of problems and heartaches. A thankful heart does, however, recognize the Lord's presence and joy in the midst of those problems.
So perhaps the best place to start, dear caregiver, is to thank the Lord each day for His presence and peace. Also as you go through the day look for even the Lord's tiny treasures which He has placed on your path. Look with spiritual eyes for His wonders in your life. I have mentioned this before but I remember as a caregiver being challenged to write down each day at least three things for which I was thankful that day. That helped me immensely in persevering in the care-giving role.
It is said that a thankful heart takes the sting out of trials and adversity. Family care-giving often facilitates many challenges and trials. Yet we are commanded in the Bible to give thanks in everything. We may not always FEEL like giving thanks, but when we offer a SACRIFICE of thanks in spite of our feelings or circumstances, God gives us joy in spite of our circumstances.
That does not mean we always feel happy. Happiness and joy are not the same thing, but joy in the Lord and grief can coexist. It may seem nonsensical to thank God in and for difficult circumstances. Yet in the measure that we do so we will be blessed, even though the adversities may remain. Dear caregiver, thank the Lord today for His blessings!
In the United States we are celebrating Thanksgiving Day this week. It is a day when we especially try to remember to thank and praise God for the blessings of the past year. Care-giving is often challenging and difficult. Yet there are many blessings in our lives even in the most difficult of moments. Dear caregiver, thank the Lord for your blessings daily and not just on special occasions. It will lift your burdens and add joy to your life.
Sunday, November 12, 2017
Lift Up Your Eyes
I remember how easy it was for me as a caregiver for my husband to get bogged down with the challenges instead of focusing on the blessings still remaining in my life and instead of focusing on the Lord for my help. Whether it be care-giving or some other challenge in life we need to set our eyes on the Lord and on our blessings. It will do much to lift our spirits.
Recently I ran across Psalm 123 in the Old Testament of the Bible in my morning devotions. Here are some of the words from that beautiful Psalm with comments I found in the margins of my Bible in between in parenthesis:
"I lift up my eyes to You, to You whose throne is in heaven. (I look to God and off myself and my circumstances.)---As the eyes of a maid looks to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God. (Be looking to the Lord with not an occasional glance but with an intense looking. Wait on the Lord.) Have mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy on us, for we have endured much---"
( I can't take it anymore, Lord. Help me.)
Care-giving and life in general can sometimes overwhelm us, but God is stronger than any of our circumstances. As we look to Him for strength, He will help us and bless us. The last verse of Psalm 124 says, "Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." You have been given a noble but sometimes challenging race to run, dear caregiver. Hebrews 12:1b in the New Testament of the Bible tells us to "run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Whether it be family care-giving or some other challenge, that can be difficult to do. But the secret to that according to Hebrews 12:2 is to "fix our eyes on Jesus." Don't look back to past mistakes. Don't look ahead to the future in fear, but look up to the Lord.
Recently I ran across Psalm 123 in the Old Testament of the Bible in my morning devotions. Here are some of the words from that beautiful Psalm with comments I found in the margins of my Bible in between in parenthesis:
"I lift up my eyes to You, to You whose throne is in heaven. (I look to God and off myself and my circumstances.)---As the eyes of a maid looks to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God. (Be looking to the Lord with not an occasional glance but with an intense looking. Wait on the Lord.) Have mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy on us, for we have endured much---"
( I can't take it anymore, Lord. Help me.)
Care-giving and life in general can sometimes overwhelm us, but God is stronger than any of our circumstances. As we look to Him for strength, He will help us and bless us. The last verse of Psalm 124 says, "Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." You have been given a noble but sometimes challenging race to run, dear caregiver. Hebrews 12:1b in the New Testament of the Bible tells us to "run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Whether it be family care-giving or some other challenge, that can be difficult to do. But the secret to that according to Hebrews 12:2 is to "fix our eyes on Jesus." Don't look back to past mistakes. Don't look ahead to the future in fear, but look up to the Lord.
Sunday, November 5, 2017
God's Lessons Illustrated in London
A little over a year ago I was in London visiting my son's family there. While I was there God laid on my heart once again the need to trust the Lord's leading and the need to thank Him for His guidance and overwhelming love. I had to begin to learn that lesson when I was my husband's caregiver; and I need to continue to learn that lesson, as I seek to walk the walk of faith today.
So today I am bringing back a post I wrote about a year ago right after my return home from London. Just click on the link below to read it. May the Lord bless you in all that you do, dear caregiver!
https://christiancaregiving.blogspot.com/2016/10/the-leading-of-lord.html
So today I am bringing back a post I wrote about a year ago right after my return home from London. Just click on the link below to read it. May the Lord bless you in all that you do, dear caregiver!
https://christiancaregiving.blogspot.com/2016/10/the-leading-of-lord.html
Sunday, October 29, 2017
An Empty Cup
Care-giving and life in general can often become overwhelming. The common saying that God won't give us more than we can handle is not true. God will often give us more than we can handle in OURSELVES, but His strength in us can get us through anything He allows in our lives.
In order for His strength to reside in us, however, we must not let our lives and hearts to become empty cups. Recently I finished a novel by Sarah Price called An Empty Cup. The main character, Roseanna, was constantly doing for others but not filling up her own cup-not refreshing her own spirit. This resulted in bitterness and finally burnout in her life.
This can be a danger for family caregivers. Care-giving is often so consuming that caregivers do not take or feel they have the time to replenish their own spirit. They are giving and giving of themselves, but often not receiving. As a result, many caregivers develop serious health issues of their own. I personally developed breast cancer while I was caring for my husband.
So how can you as a caregiver fight against your life becoming and empty cup-from caregiver burnout? I think the most important way is to fill your life's cup is with the Word of God and prayer. Make time each day to spend in the Lord's presence. Let His love and promises fill you. Also ask others to pray for you.
Also take time to do something you enjoy every day even if it is only for a few minutes. Get out of the house whenever possible. If you are consumed with your loved one's cares, you may need to learn to say "no" to other responsibilities. In fact, you may need to ask for help from others. Why are we so hesitant to ask for help from others?
Remember, dear caregiver. You cannot adequately care for your loves one's needs if your own cup is empty. Fill your own cup, dear caregiver!
Saturday, October 21, 2017
Too Much for Me
(This post is from yet another chapter from my book, Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers.)
Dear family caregiver, have you ever said to yourself, “This is too much for me! I can not handle the stress and emotional burdens of care-giving one more day!” I know I thought those thoughts when I was a caregiver.
One day in the middle of July of 2010, I was feeling pretty despondent. I was seeing yet again some serious declines in my husband’s health. I had been led to believe the life expectancy after diagnosis of his rare neurological disease was six to ten years. Wayne’s declines were coming so fast, however, that I felt as if I was always a step behind in keeping up with them. As it turned out, Wayne only lived about four and a half years after diagnosis and about five and half months after that discouraging day in July of 2010.
On that day in mid July I found myself having a good cry. At that time I hardly ever cried, because I felt I had to stay so strong all the time. So this was a bit rare for me then. First of all, Wayne had been spending a lot of his time sleeping away his days. Then we had experienced some rather difficult transfers from his wheelchair to the bathroom and back to his wheelchair the day before. I also had recently received some other discouraging news. I was feeling like I could not do this anymore. I was feeling as if it was all too much for me.
Soon after that, I received a card in the mail from my son's family from Iowa. The front of the card read like this, “Nothing that comes your way is too much for you. No matter what it is, God is more than equal to it—you’re not, but He is and He lives in you.” Wow! Talk about a message from God just when I really needed it. Inside the card was written a personal message thanking me for all that I did for Wayne, my son’s Dad.
Earlier in that same week I had placed an ad in our local village ad paper for care-giving help for an hour once or twice a week in the evenings to get my husband to the bathroom and into bed. I thought I would be doing good if I received just one reply. Yet that paper came out that same day, and I received 5 replies! I was able to set up with one of these woman who responded to come in twice a week and later three times a week for an hour each at bedtime. The rates also were very reasonable. So that was another spirit lifter that day. This lady helped me the last months of my husband’s life. Also at the very end my local son was also able to step up and help me.
Those care-giving years especially the last months were very difficult and emotionally and physically challenging, but God was with me each step of the way. He paved the way. He will pave the way for you also, dear Christian caregiver.
Dear family caregiver, have you ever said to yourself, “This is too much for me! I can not handle the stress and emotional burdens of care-giving one more day!” I know I thought those thoughts when I was a caregiver.
One day in the middle of July of 2010, I was feeling pretty despondent. I was seeing yet again some serious declines in my husband’s health. I had been led to believe the life expectancy after diagnosis of his rare neurological disease was six to ten years. Wayne’s declines were coming so fast, however, that I felt as if I was always a step behind in keeping up with them. As it turned out, Wayne only lived about four and a half years after diagnosis and about five and half months after that discouraging day in July of 2010.
On that day in mid July I found myself having a good cry. At that time I hardly ever cried, because I felt I had to stay so strong all the time. So this was a bit rare for me then. First of all, Wayne had been spending a lot of his time sleeping away his days. Then we had experienced some rather difficult transfers from his wheelchair to the bathroom and back to his wheelchair the day before. I also had recently received some other discouraging news. I was feeling like I could not do this anymore. I was feeling as if it was all too much for me.
Soon after that, I received a card in the mail from my son's family from Iowa. The front of the card read like this, “Nothing that comes your way is too much for you. No matter what it is, God is more than equal to it—you’re not, but He is and He lives in you.” Wow! Talk about a message from God just when I really needed it. Inside the card was written a personal message thanking me for all that I did for Wayne, my son’s Dad.
Earlier in that same week I had placed an ad in our local village ad paper for care-giving help for an hour once or twice a week in the evenings to get my husband to the bathroom and into bed. I thought I would be doing good if I received just one reply. Yet that paper came out that same day, and I received 5 replies! I was able to set up with one of these woman who responded to come in twice a week and later three times a week for an hour each at bedtime. The rates also were very reasonable. So that was another spirit lifter that day. This lady helped me the last months of my husband’s life. Also at the very end my local son was also able to step up and help me.
Those care-giving years especially the last months were very difficult and emotionally and physically challenging, but God was with me each step of the way. He paved the way. He will pave the way for you also, dear Christian caregiver.
Sunday, October 15, 2017
Replace
(The post below is also a chapter from my book Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers. Consider ordering a copy for yourself or someone you love. Also check out Matthew 11:28-30 in the Bible.)
The emotional burdens that accompany caring for loved one can be heavy at times. This is especially true, if the loved one has a terminal illness. Turning to the Lord is really the only resource for these kind of emotional burdens. On July 12, 2010 in the midst of my days caring for my husband I wrote the following:
“I am seeking this month to replace carrying around my emotional burdens with consciously seeking to release them to God in prayer. Every time a negative emotion comes up and they have continued to come up, I have resolved to take a deep breath and release it or give it to God. Like one releases a balloon I want to continually release these feelings to God.
I am serious enough about this that I have even made a visual of this with my computer print program. My picture is of a kite floating in the air and also of a hot air balloon. I also have the names of emotionally negative feelings I want released from my life. So how well am I doing? I think it is helpful to have this resolve and word picture in my mind. I am consciously trying to release the negative emotions as they come up. I also realize, however that this will be a continual battle, because the negative emotions come up so easily and without warning.
When I think too frequently about how far down my husband has declined in the last four years it is still easy to become sad. When I think about his latest transition downward, so that he requires my help every time he needs to use the bathroom and all the ramifications of that, it is easy to feel discouraged. When my husband’s spends many hours some days sleeping it is easy to feel lonely, trapped, and frustrated. When I wonder how long I can take care of him before he needs to go to a nursing home, I feel frightened and a host of other emotions. Care-giving is demanding enough, however, without carrying around the extra negative emotions. Moreover my God wants me to release them to Him. He wants me to trust Him
As I think about my picture I wonder if the kite or the hot air balloon is a better picture. It would seem the hot air balloon is a better word picture. With the kite I am still hanging on to the string trying to maintain control. Perhaps both are good word pictures. There are things I can and must do as an instrument in God’s hands in regards to my husband’s health care. Negative emotions and things beyond my control have to be completely released, however.
There are still many negative emotions and sad moments, but I am fighting the fight. I am seeking to release. I call that victory moment by moment. I call that falling down and then getting up again. I call that being a weak human with supernatural help from above, if I just avail myself of it."
Dear Christian Caregiver, What emotional burden can you release today? With what can you replace that emotion? Give it to the Lord, dear caregiver.
The emotional burdens that accompany caring for loved one can be heavy at times. This is especially true, if the loved one has a terminal illness. Turning to the Lord is really the only resource for these kind of emotional burdens. On July 12, 2010 in the midst of my days caring for my husband I wrote the following:
“I am seeking this month to replace carrying around my emotional burdens with consciously seeking to release them to God in prayer. Every time a negative emotion comes up and they have continued to come up, I have resolved to take a deep breath and release it or give it to God. Like one releases a balloon I want to continually release these feelings to God.
I am serious enough about this that I have even made a visual of this with my computer print program. My picture is of a kite floating in the air and also of a hot air balloon. I also have the names of emotionally negative feelings I want released from my life. So how well am I doing? I think it is helpful to have this resolve and word picture in my mind. I am consciously trying to release the negative emotions as they come up. I also realize, however that this will be a continual battle, because the negative emotions come up so easily and without warning.
When I think too frequently about how far down my husband has declined in the last four years it is still easy to become sad. When I think about his latest transition downward, so that he requires my help every time he needs to use the bathroom and all the ramifications of that, it is easy to feel discouraged. When my husband’s spends many hours some days sleeping it is easy to feel lonely, trapped, and frustrated. When I wonder how long I can take care of him before he needs to go to a nursing home, I feel frightened and a host of other emotions. Care-giving is demanding enough, however, without carrying around the extra negative emotions. Moreover my God wants me to release them to Him. He wants me to trust Him
As I think about my picture I wonder if the kite or the hot air balloon is a better picture. It would seem the hot air balloon is a better word picture. With the kite I am still hanging on to the string trying to maintain control. Perhaps both are good word pictures. There are things I can and must do as an instrument in God’s hands in regards to my husband’s health care. Negative emotions and things beyond my control have to be completely released, however.
There are still many negative emotions and sad moments, but I am fighting the fight. I am seeking to release. I call that victory moment by moment. I call that falling down and then getting up again. I call that being a weak human with supernatural help from above, if I just avail myself of it."
Dear Christian Caregiver, What emotional burden can you release today? With what can you replace that emotion? Give it to the Lord, dear caregiver.
Sunday, October 1, 2017
Comfort in Life's Changes
As human beings we tend to not like change. Changes, adjustments, and challenges tend to fatigue us and also make us a bit fearful of what the future holds. I remember feeling that way when I was my husband's caregiver. I was afraid when we received his original diagnosis. It made me anxious, as I saw his body continually become more and more disabled step by step.
I still do not like changes in other areas of my life. One thing of which we can be certain, however, is that the Lord promises to be with us and draw us closer to Himself in all the changes. He was with me during those difficult care-giving days, and He will be with you as well, dear caregiver. He will also be with you and I in other major life changes in our lives be they pleasant or challenging.
Sometime back I ran across an online article about facing unexpected changes in our lives. The author of this article wrote that she had thought she was prepared for any change that life might present, because her husband and her had served overseas as missionaries. That missionary life had caused them to encounter many challenges and unknowns. Yet when her husband was later diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease she found she was not as prepared, as she thought she would be. She had to turn again to the Lord and to Scripture to get her through those challenging days.
Below is a link to that article and the Scripture passages she found comforting during that time. May they prove a blessing to you as well, dear caregiver. May they also draw you closer to the Lord. Just click on the link below.
https://www.dayspring.com/articles/4-scriptures-to-help-with-big-life-changes?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20160814+4+Scriptures+to+Help+
You also may find some Scripture verses from Isaiah 46 to be a comfort and strength to you in the uncertainties of care-giving, dear caregiver. Forgive me for once again linking you to a post at another blog of mine. I hope this too proves to be a blessing to you. Just click on the link below.
http://scripturemoments.blogspot.com/2017/09/isaiah-46.html
Once again, thank you for all that you do for your loved one dear caregiver. You are doing noble work in God's kingdom!
(There will be no new blog post next week, as I plan to be away from my computer. Next post should be on or around October 15.)
I still do not like changes in other areas of my life. One thing of which we can be certain, however, is that the Lord promises to be with us and draw us closer to Himself in all the changes. He was with me during those difficult care-giving days, and He will be with you as well, dear caregiver. He will also be with you and I in other major life changes in our lives be they pleasant or challenging.
Sometime back I ran across an online article about facing unexpected changes in our lives. The author of this article wrote that she had thought she was prepared for any change that life might present, because her husband and her had served overseas as missionaries. That missionary life had caused them to encounter many challenges and unknowns. Yet when her husband was later diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease she found she was not as prepared, as she thought she would be. She had to turn again to the Lord and to Scripture to get her through those challenging days.
Below is a link to that article and the Scripture passages she found comforting during that time. May they prove a blessing to you as well, dear caregiver. May they also draw you closer to the Lord. Just click on the link below.
https://www.dayspring.com/articles/4-scriptures-to-help-with-big-life-changes?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20160814+4+Scriptures+to+Help+
You also may find some Scripture verses from Isaiah 46 to be a comfort and strength to you in the uncertainties of care-giving, dear caregiver. Forgive me for once again linking you to a post at another blog of mine. I hope this too proves to be a blessing to you. Just click on the link below.
http://scripturemoments.blogspot.com/2017/09/isaiah-46.html
Once again, thank you for all that you do for your loved one dear caregiver. You are doing noble work in God's kingdom!
(There will be no new blog post next week, as I plan to be away from my computer. Next post should be on or around October 15.)
Sunday, September 24, 2017
Fiery Arrows
(Today's post is another chapter from my book, Dear Caregiver Reflections For Family Caregivers.)
As a caregiver do you ever feel as if you are being bombarded by the “fiery arrows” of negative emotions? (Ephesians 6:16) Negative emotions can so easily spring up in the midst of care-giving chaos and heartache.
On June 9, 2009 while caring for my husband, Wayne, I wrote the following words:
“It is so easy to allow myself to get bogged down with discouragement, impatience, and sometimes anger. I realize I need to fight those “fiery arrows.” There is still so much for which to be thankful. I need to concentrate on that.”
Then on June 23, 2009 I journaled the following words:
"The future is unknown and feels scary for Wayne and I, but I do know the Lord who holds the future. I need to focus on that and on the fact that I know my Lord will always be with me.”
One way caregivers can fight the “fiery arrows” of negative emotions is by remembering the good things that still are present in their lives. Care-giving can be physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining. There always are blessings in one’s life, however. We need to look for them and be grateful for them. We also need to look for the wonders of God’s working and guidance in our lives. If we look for these things we will find them. If we look for these things it will also help to soothe the negative emotions.
Caring for someone with a terminal or serious disease can be frightening at times. This is because the future is so uncertain. Hence, fear and other negative emotions can quickly surface. It is wise to take it one day at a time and one step at a time. It is also wise to leave the future in the hands of the Lord. Caregivers tend to be great advocates for their loved ones. In the end, however, caregivers need to remember that they are not in control. God alone holds their futures and the futures of their loved ones. In the measure caregivers can rest in the Lord’s care the negative emotions will be soothed.
As a caregiver for my husband I found that fighting the “fiery arrows” of negative emotions was a constant struggle. If it were not for my faith, I would have not been able to persevere. My faith and knowing that God was in control made all the difference. The promises of God’s Word that He would always be with me soothed my fears and other negative emotions. Finally the weapon of prayer and looking for God’s working in my life was a big help in fighting those “fiery arrows.“
Dear Christian Caregiver, remember that emotions negative or otherwise are just feelings. Feelings are not necessarily based on truth. Only God’s Word and resting on your faith in God is the source of truth. Look for the blessings in your life, and rest in His truth.
As a caregiver do you ever feel as if you are being bombarded by the “fiery arrows” of negative emotions? (Ephesians 6:16) Negative emotions can so easily spring up in the midst of care-giving chaos and heartache.
On June 9, 2009 while caring for my husband, Wayne, I wrote the following words:
“It is so easy to allow myself to get bogged down with discouragement, impatience, and sometimes anger. I realize I need to fight those “fiery arrows.” There is still so much for which to be thankful. I need to concentrate on that.”
Then on June 23, 2009 I journaled the following words:
"The future is unknown and feels scary for Wayne and I, but I do know the Lord who holds the future. I need to focus on that and on the fact that I know my Lord will always be with me.”
One way caregivers can fight the “fiery arrows” of negative emotions is by remembering the good things that still are present in their lives. Care-giving can be physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining. There always are blessings in one’s life, however. We need to look for them and be grateful for them. We also need to look for the wonders of God’s working and guidance in our lives. If we look for these things we will find them. If we look for these things it will also help to soothe the negative emotions.
Caring for someone with a terminal or serious disease can be frightening at times. This is because the future is so uncertain. Hence, fear and other negative emotions can quickly surface. It is wise to take it one day at a time and one step at a time. It is also wise to leave the future in the hands of the Lord. Caregivers tend to be great advocates for their loved ones. In the end, however, caregivers need to remember that they are not in control. God alone holds their futures and the futures of their loved ones. In the measure caregivers can rest in the Lord’s care the negative emotions will be soothed.
As a caregiver for my husband I found that fighting the “fiery arrows” of negative emotions was a constant struggle. If it were not for my faith, I would have not been able to persevere. My faith and knowing that God was in control made all the difference. The promises of God’s Word that He would always be with me soothed my fears and other negative emotions. Finally the weapon of prayer and looking for God’s working in my life was a big help in fighting those “fiery arrows.“
Dear Christian Caregiver, remember that emotions negative or otherwise are just feelings. Feelings are not necessarily based on truth. Only God’s Word and resting on your faith in God is the source of truth. Look for the blessings in your life, and rest in His truth.
Sunday, September 17, 2017
Storms of Life All Around
We have heard much in the news of late about devastating hurricanes, massive fires, an earthquake and even another terrorist attack in London. I don't know about you, but hearing about these events and knowing the turmoil these things are bringing in people's lives makes me sad.
Personal storms in our lives can do the same. They can make us feel very sad and discouraged. A few days ago I was feeling very troubled about something. I was reminded that I needed to trust God in that situation. I needed to be quiet in that situation. I was reminded of Isaiah 30:15b which says, "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." The feelings have not all gone away, but being reminded of this helps me immensely. Then I ran across a song by Stephen Curtis Chapman which speaks about being quiet in the Lord. The link to that song is below if you would like to hear it. Just click on the link.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgaHaioAjyg
I remember also the struggles of being my husband's caregiver a few years back. I remember the discouragement of seeing my husband's body deteriorate step by step. I remember the sadness and the fear about not being able to provide for his needs in the days ahead. You may have similar feelings, dear caregiver. May the Scripture verse I quoted and song link about resting it with the Lord be a huge comfort to you, dear caregiver. God will always be faithful to you.
Another Scripture passage which is a huge comfort to me is found in the early verses of Isaiah 43. It speaks of God summoning us by name and being with us through all the rivers and fiery challenges of life. I wrote about that recently at another blog site of mine called Moments With God. The link for that is below. I hope you find this a comfort as well, dear caregiver. Thank you for all that you do for your loved one.
http://scripturemoments.blogspot.com/2017/09/isaiah-43_14.html
Personal storms in our lives can do the same. They can make us feel very sad and discouraged. A few days ago I was feeling very troubled about something. I was reminded that I needed to trust God in that situation. I needed to be quiet in that situation. I was reminded of Isaiah 30:15b which says, "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." The feelings have not all gone away, but being reminded of this helps me immensely. Then I ran across a song by Stephen Curtis Chapman which speaks about being quiet in the Lord. The link to that song is below if you would like to hear it. Just click on the link.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgaHaioAjyg
I remember also the struggles of being my husband's caregiver a few years back. I remember the discouragement of seeing my husband's body deteriorate step by step. I remember the sadness and the fear about not being able to provide for his needs in the days ahead. You may have similar feelings, dear caregiver. May the Scripture verse I quoted and song link about resting it with the Lord be a huge comfort to you, dear caregiver. God will always be faithful to you.
Another Scripture passage which is a huge comfort to me is found in the early verses of Isaiah 43. It speaks of God summoning us by name and being with us through all the rivers and fiery challenges of life. I wrote about that recently at another blog site of mine called Moments With God. The link for that is below. I hope you find this a comfort as well, dear caregiver. Thank you for all that you do for your loved one.
http://scripturemoments.blogspot.com/2017/09/isaiah-43_14.html
Sunday, September 10, 2017
Specific Scriptures on Care-giving?
Over a year ago I received this e-mail from someone, "You keep saying in your book that care-giving is a purpose filled calling. Can you give me specific Scriptures on that?' I replied that although there are no Scripture passages that use those exact words, Scripture does tell us that if we serve others and show love and compassion to others, we are doing it for the Lord Jesus Christ. This is shown in the Scripture passage about the sheep and goats in Matthew 25:34-40. I also gave her some Scripture passages which either commands or tells of the rewards of serving others.
Later someone showed me the link to an online post which addresses the question, "What does the Bible say about care-giving?". Below it the link to that post. I hope you find it a blessing. Thank you, dear caregiver, for all that you do!
https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-caregiving.html
Later someone showed me the link to an online post which addresses the question, "What does the Bible say about care-giving?". Below it the link to that post. I hope you find it a blessing. Thank you, dear caregiver, for all that you do!
https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-caregiving.html
Sunday, September 3, 2017
Words of Affirmation
(This post is a chapter from my book: Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers.)
Family care-giving demands huge sacrifices emotionally, spiritually, and physically from the caregiver. At the same time it is not often affirmed and recognized by society. Sometimes even the caregiver’s loved ones do not affirm or acknowledge the love sacrifices which are being made for them. They sometimes can not or do not do this, because they themselves are so overwhelmed with their disease. In the spring of 2009 in the midst of my husband’s neurological disease I wrote the following words:
“The other day I took one of those Facebook quizzes. I am never big on these quizzes, because they appear to be a bit of a hoax. The quiz I took this time, however, seemed to match my reality pretty closely. The name of the quiz was “What is Your Love Language?” It said my love language was words of affirmation.
Before my husband’s illness he would tell me I was beautiful, and he would often call me ‘his favorite wife.’ It became a standing source of teasing between us, because my reply would always be, ‘How many wives do you have?’ My husband was always good about giving loving cards on special occasions also. So much of that verbal affirmation is gone now. My husband’s speech is so poor that basic communication between us is difficult. I miss also the basic bouncing of ideas between us.
Yesterday at my husband’s suggestion we went out to eat. He so seldom wants to go anywhere let along suggest it, so I readily agreed. It was very windy, however, and so we took the wheelchair. By the time I had wrestled the wheelchair in and out of the trunk of the car, gone through the buffet line for my husband and then for myself, and then basically carried on a conversation with myself during lunch; I began to wonder if it was worth it. As I said, I miss the verbal exchange.
A day or so ago I read a devotional in my care-giving devotional book about the importance of God’s affirmation of His love for and delight in His children. Knowing this is a source of comfort to me more than knowing what I do in my care-giving role has a purpose and meaning. I need to feel affirmed as me not as my role as a caregiver."
Dear Christian caregiver, the world may not recognize what you do. Your loved one for whom you care may not always be able to recognize and acknowledge what you do. God, however, does see what you do for your loved one. You are doing noble work, dear caregiver. God also delights in you and loves you just as you are! (Check out Zephaniah 3:17 in the Old Testament of the Bible!)
Family care-giving demands huge sacrifices emotionally, spiritually, and physically from the caregiver. At the same time it is not often affirmed and recognized by society. Sometimes even the caregiver’s loved ones do not affirm or acknowledge the love sacrifices which are being made for them. They sometimes can not or do not do this, because they themselves are so overwhelmed with their disease. In the spring of 2009 in the midst of my husband’s neurological disease I wrote the following words:
“The other day I took one of those Facebook quizzes. I am never big on these quizzes, because they appear to be a bit of a hoax. The quiz I took this time, however, seemed to match my reality pretty closely. The name of the quiz was “What is Your Love Language?” It said my love language was words of affirmation.
Before my husband’s illness he would tell me I was beautiful, and he would often call me ‘his favorite wife.’ It became a standing source of teasing between us, because my reply would always be, ‘How many wives do you have?’ My husband was always good about giving loving cards on special occasions also. So much of that verbal affirmation is gone now. My husband’s speech is so poor that basic communication between us is difficult. I miss also the basic bouncing of ideas between us.
Yesterday at my husband’s suggestion we went out to eat. He so seldom wants to go anywhere let along suggest it, so I readily agreed. It was very windy, however, and so we took the wheelchair. By the time I had wrestled the wheelchair in and out of the trunk of the car, gone through the buffet line for my husband and then for myself, and then basically carried on a conversation with myself during lunch; I began to wonder if it was worth it. As I said, I miss the verbal exchange.
A day or so ago I read a devotional in my care-giving devotional book about the importance of God’s affirmation of His love for and delight in His children. Knowing this is a source of comfort to me more than knowing what I do in my care-giving role has a purpose and meaning. I need to feel affirmed as me not as my role as a caregiver."
Dear Christian caregiver, the world may not recognize what you do. Your loved one for whom you care may not always be able to recognize and acknowledge what you do. God, however, does see what you do for your loved one. You are doing noble work, dear caregiver. God also delights in you and loves you just as you are! (Check out Zephaniah 3:17 in the Old Testament of the Bible!)
Saturday, August 26, 2017
The Chapters of Our Lives
We have many moments and chapters in our lives. Some of these chapters in our lives are joyful ones. Some are them are difficult and challenging. We tend to look at special dates on the calendar and reflect about the past moments of our lives. I especially tend to do this.
Seven decades ago on August 24, 1947 a little baby girl was born. Her parents named her Sharon Lynn. She was her parents first child, and she was born two weeks earlier than expected. As you may have guessed this little girl is the author of this blog post.
The chapters in my life included my birth in IA and my growing up years in MN and SD. I was a quiet introvert type child. Later came the early adult chapter of my life. I moved to WI, taught first grade for three years at a Christian school, met and married my husband, and raised a family of three sons. Later chapters in my life included the marriages of my sons and wonderful grandchildren. One of the difficult chapters of my life was the diagnosis of my husband's rare neurological disease (Multiple Systems Atrophy) in 2006, my breast cancer diagnosis in 2007, and my husband's death in early 2011.
Yet all these chapters in my life were ordained by God. Psalm 139:16 says, "All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be." God has ordained all the days and chapters of your life as well, dear caregiver. If I had been able to chose, I would have not chosen the care-giving chapter of my life or perhaps even difficult moments which occurred before that chapter in my life. I certainly would not have chosen the chapter of widow.
Yet God truly does bring beauty from the ashes of the difficult chapters of our lives. God says in John 16:33b, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart I have overcome the world." He has overcome the world, and He will use our heartaches to advance His kingdom and for our spiritual growth and even joy.
Dear caregiver, the Lord is using your care-giving experience to stretch and grow you in dependence on Him and in love for Him. He is using it to bring new spiritual fruit in your life. Finally, He is using it in His kingdom both now and in the days ahead. Dear caregiver, I understand how difficult the care-giving chapter of your life can be. I lived it. Yet God wants you to walk with Him holding His hand during this chapter of your life. He wants you to rest in Him trusting that He will lead you through this time in your life with purpose for now and the future. If you belong to Him; He delights in you, dear caregiver!
Seven decades ago on August 24, 1947 a little baby girl was born. Her parents named her Sharon Lynn. She was her parents first child, and she was born two weeks earlier than expected. As you may have guessed this little girl is the author of this blog post.
The chapters in my life included my birth in IA and my growing up years in MN and SD. I was a quiet introvert type child. Later came the early adult chapter of my life. I moved to WI, taught first grade for three years at a Christian school, met and married my husband, and raised a family of three sons. Later chapters in my life included the marriages of my sons and wonderful grandchildren. One of the difficult chapters of my life was the diagnosis of my husband's rare neurological disease (Multiple Systems Atrophy) in 2006, my breast cancer diagnosis in 2007, and my husband's death in early 2011.
Yet all these chapters in my life were ordained by God. Psalm 139:16 says, "All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be." God has ordained all the days and chapters of your life as well, dear caregiver. If I had been able to chose, I would have not chosen the care-giving chapter of my life or perhaps even difficult moments which occurred before that chapter in my life. I certainly would not have chosen the chapter of widow.
Yet God truly does bring beauty from the ashes of the difficult chapters of our lives. God says in John 16:33b, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart I have overcome the world." He has overcome the world, and He will use our heartaches to advance His kingdom and for our spiritual growth and even joy.
Dear caregiver, the Lord is using your care-giving experience to stretch and grow you in dependence on Him and in love for Him. He is using it to bring new spiritual fruit in your life. Finally, He is using it in His kingdom both now and in the days ahead. Dear caregiver, I understand how difficult the care-giving chapter of your life can be. I lived it. Yet God wants you to walk with Him holding His hand during this chapter of your life. He wants you to rest in Him trusting that He will lead you through this time in your life with purpose for now and the future. If you belong to Him; He delights in you, dear caregiver!
Sunday, August 20, 2017
Faith-Based Caregiver Books
As most of you know my husband had a neurological disease. His disease was called Multiple Systems Atrophy and mostly was physical. His body became more and more disabled to the point of complete disability and later death. As many of you also may know I now experience the joy of volunteering once a week for a social program for people with dementia-most with beginning to moderate Alzheimer's. This disease although it can involve physical aspects mostly involves memory issues. This disease also involves constant changes and declines as my husband's disease did, but in a different way.
Recently I had the privilege of reading a wonderful book called Twilight Meditations subtitled One Woman's Thoughts of God as Alzheimer's Advances. In this book psychologist, Dr. Jeff Bjorck introduces us to his mother, Irene. In spite of years of suffering the affects of Alzheimer's Irene has continued to show a cheerful, thankful attitude.
In addition to this she has continued to offer occasional spontaneous comments about her faith and love for her Lord. After a brief introduction of several pages chronicling Irene's life the book goes on to showcase these comments with beautiful photography from Jeff and beautiful artwork from Irene. I found many of Irene's comments beautiful and profound in their simplicity. One of these comments in July of 2014 showed Irene's trust in God through all her struggles when she said, "God makes no mistakes. He has never had to come to me and say, 'I'm sorry I did that!'" Then in May of 2016 she said again, "It's true that, what He has done, He knew all along He was going to do."
This book would greatly encourage those who are caring for someone with Alzheimer's. Yet I think it would encourage anyone no matter what their walk in life or whatever is going on in their lives. Our bodies or our memories may fail, but as Irene said in one of her quotes, "He (God) never forgets." Also the One who never forgets will preserve us in our faith no matter how much decline occurs in our bodies and minds. There is so much I could say about this book. I was very blessed by reading it.
Below is a link to the order page for this book on Amazon. To get the full effect of the artwork and photography in the book I would recommend you buy the paperback version and not the Kindle version:
https://www.amazon.com/Twilight-Meditations-Thoughts-Alzheimers-Advances/dp/1545122024/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1502746757&sr=1-1
I thought you would also enjoy viewing a sweet interaction between Jeff and Irene about a year ago on YouTube. I do not know Jeff personally, but found this very sweet. Click the link below to hear it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H31XukYZLb8&feature=youtu.be
Recently I also read a book called Honoring the Elderly subtitled A Christian's Duty to Aging Parents by Rev. Brian De Jong. This book discusses the Biblical/theological issues surrounding our need to honor and aid our elderly parents especially as they decline in their physical and mental well-being as they age. The author bases his premises on the fifth commandment which instructs us to honor our parents.
The author also discusses topics such as dealing with difficult parents, medical and ethical decision making, financial issues, and even honoring parents at death and afterward. If you are interested in this book I have the link to his book below. This book does not definitively answer every question or solve all the challenges of family care-giving, but it gives a good Biblical basis for how we should approach this topic. I am thankful that someone has written a book like this. Consider ordering his book at the link below:
https://www.amazon.com/Honoring-Elderly-Christians-Aging-Parents/dp/1548220353/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1501342660&sr=1-1
Finally, if you have not already done so, consider also ordering and reading my book. As most of you know the name of my book is Dear Caregiver subtitled Reflections for Family Caregivers. I was my husband's caregiver for four and a half years. He had a devastating neurological disease called Multiple Systems Atrophy. I understand the emotional, physical, and spiritual challenges of being a family caregiver. Hence, it is my passion to encourage family caregivers. That is why I write this blog and that is why I wrote my book.
My book contains over 100 short chapters or meditations meant to encourage family caregivers in their noble but sometimes challenging and heartbreaking care of their loved one. My story in intertwined in these meditations or short chapters. Below is the link to my order page for my book on Amazon. It is also available at Barnes and Noble and other places online. If you prefer you can also e-mail me to receive a book from me directly. My e-mail address is jesuschild54@hotmail.com As I said before the Amazon link to my order page is below.
https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Caregiver-Sharon-Vander-Waal/dp/1629524263/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1482027543&sr=1-1&keywords=Dear+Caregiver
Recently I had the privilege of reading a wonderful book called Twilight Meditations subtitled One Woman's Thoughts of God as Alzheimer's Advances. In this book psychologist, Dr. Jeff Bjorck introduces us to his mother, Irene. In spite of years of suffering the affects of Alzheimer's Irene has continued to show a cheerful, thankful attitude.
In addition to this she has continued to offer occasional spontaneous comments about her faith and love for her Lord. After a brief introduction of several pages chronicling Irene's life the book goes on to showcase these comments with beautiful photography from Jeff and beautiful artwork from Irene. I found many of Irene's comments beautiful and profound in their simplicity. One of these comments in July of 2014 showed Irene's trust in God through all her struggles when she said, "God makes no mistakes. He has never had to come to me and say, 'I'm sorry I did that!'" Then in May of 2016 she said again, "It's true that, what He has done, He knew all along He was going to do."
This book would greatly encourage those who are caring for someone with Alzheimer's. Yet I think it would encourage anyone no matter what their walk in life or whatever is going on in their lives. Our bodies or our memories may fail, but as Irene said in one of her quotes, "He (God) never forgets." Also the One who never forgets will preserve us in our faith no matter how much decline occurs in our bodies and minds. There is so much I could say about this book. I was very blessed by reading it.
Below is a link to the order page for this book on Amazon. To get the full effect of the artwork and photography in the book I would recommend you buy the paperback version and not the Kindle version:
https://www.amazon.com/Twilight-Meditations-Thoughts-Alzheimers-Advances/dp/1545122024/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1502746757&sr=1-1
I thought you would also enjoy viewing a sweet interaction between Jeff and Irene about a year ago on YouTube. I do not know Jeff personally, but found this very sweet. Click the link below to hear it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H31XukYZLb8&feature=youtu.be
Recently I also read a book called Honoring the Elderly subtitled A Christian's Duty to Aging Parents by Rev. Brian De Jong. This book discusses the Biblical/theological issues surrounding our need to honor and aid our elderly parents especially as they decline in their physical and mental well-being as they age. The author bases his premises on the fifth commandment which instructs us to honor our parents.
The author also discusses topics such as dealing with difficult parents, medical and ethical decision making, financial issues, and even honoring parents at death and afterward. If you are interested in this book I have the link to his book below. This book does not definitively answer every question or solve all the challenges of family care-giving, but it gives a good Biblical basis for how we should approach this topic. I am thankful that someone has written a book like this. Consider ordering his book at the link below:
https://www.amazon.com/Honoring-Elderly-Christians-Aging-Parents/dp/1548220353/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1501342660&sr=1-1
Finally, if you have not already done so, consider also ordering and reading my book. As most of you know the name of my book is Dear Caregiver subtitled Reflections for Family Caregivers. I was my husband's caregiver for four and a half years. He had a devastating neurological disease called Multiple Systems Atrophy. I understand the emotional, physical, and spiritual challenges of being a family caregiver. Hence, it is my passion to encourage family caregivers. That is why I write this blog and that is why I wrote my book.
My book contains over 100 short chapters or meditations meant to encourage family caregivers in their noble but sometimes challenging and heartbreaking care of their loved one. My story in intertwined in these meditations or short chapters. Below is the link to my order page for my book on Amazon. It is also available at Barnes and Noble and other places online. If you prefer you can also e-mail me to receive a book from me directly. My e-mail address is jesuschild54@hotmail.com As I said before the Amazon link to my order page is below.
https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Caregiver-Sharon-Vander-Waal/dp/1629524263/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1482027543&sr=1-1&keywords=Dear+Caregiver
Sunday, August 13, 2017
Conflicting Emotions and Blessings
(This post is a chapter from my book: Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers)
I scribed the following words in early June of 2010 about seven months before my husband’s death:
“My heart is filled with so many conflicting emotions tonight. I still feel burdened by the fact that I know we have taken another step backwards in my husband’s disease. Just the fact that I have to help him every time he goes to the bathroom so we don’t endanger him of falling and that I am now helping him into bed means we are taking another step backwards.
It also means I have to get up in the middle of the night, if he has to use the bathroom. It means more fatigue for me. It further means I can’t leave him for as long of time during the daytime. This is discouraging to me. I so tire of the adjustments to new changes and seeking new solutions. Sometimes I wonder how long it will be before I can no longer take care of him-Years? Months?
I also have so many blessings all around me, however. As I am writing this I can hear the twitter of birds outside my window. I am blessed each day by the perennials around our new home which have been coming out one at a time. Since I don’t know the names of a lot of the flowers, it has been a joy seeing new beautiful flowers popping out. It is like little gifts from God assuring me of His love. He also assures me in the Bible that He will always be with me.
I was blessed the other day with my sister-in-law taking my husband out for a drive and giving me some alone time at home. I was blessed today in church. I am blessed with the fact that we will be getting some in-home therapy for my husband scheduled to start tomorrow.
Lord, help me just to trust, just to rest, just to release. Help me not to worry so much about the ending of the story, for it ultimately will be good. Help me to enjoy and revel in the daily blessings even in the midst of hard times.”
Dear caregiver, the challenges of care-giving for a loved one can be so very emotionally, physically, and even spiritually challenging. The heartaches of the declines in their health over which you have no ultimate control is so discouraging. Remember, however, dear caregiver, that the Lord is with you each step of the way. Also in the midst of the heartaches look for the wonders and blessings. They are always there, and it will help you get through the pain of the tough times.
I scribed the following words in early June of 2010 about seven months before my husband’s death:
“My heart is filled with so many conflicting emotions tonight. I still feel burdened by the fact that I know we have taken another step backwards in my husband’s disease. Just the fact that I have to help him every time he goes to the bathroom so we don’t endanger him of falling and that I am now helping him into bed means we are taking another step backwards.
It also means I have to get up in the middle of the night, if he has to use the bathroom. It means more fatigue for me. It further means I can’t leave him for as long of time during the daytime. This is discouraging to me. I so tire of the adjustments to new changes and seeking new solutions. Sometimes I wonder how long it will be before I can no longer take care of him-Years? Months?
I also have so many blessings all around me, however. As I am writing this I can hear the twitter of birds outside my window. I am blessed each day by the perennials around our new home which have been coming out one at a time. Since I don’t know the names of a lot of the flowers, it has been a joy seeing new beautiful flowers popping out. It is like little gifts from God assuring me of His love. He also assures me in the Bible that He will always be with me.
I was blessed the other day with my sister-in-law taking my husband out for a drive and giving me some alone time at home. I was blessed today in church. I am blessed with the fact that we will be getting some in-home therapy for my husband scheduled to start tomorrow.
Lord, help me just to trust, just to rest, just to release. Help me not to worry so much about the ending of the story, for it ultimately will be good. Help me to enjoy and revel in the daily blessings even in the midst of hard times.”
Dear caregiver, the challenges of care-giving for a loved one can be so very emotionally, physically, and even spiritually challenging. The heartaches of the declines in their health over which you have no ultimate control is so discouraging. Remember, however, dear caregiver, that the Lord is with you each step of the way. Also in the midst of the heartaches look for the wonders and blessings. They are always there, and it will help you get through the pain of the tough times.
Sunday, August 6, 2017
Life's Lessons Observed
I volunteer most Tuesdays at a church which facilitates a program that serves people with beginning to moderate dementia. It is a wonderful social program for the participants and also serves as a much needed respite for their caregivers. It is further a huge blessing for us as volunteers to be able to serve others this way. We gain more than we receive.
Recently we took the participants on a little outing for the morning and early afternoon. It was beautiful day for this outing. The weather could not be more perfect. For most of the participants and volunteers it was a very enjoyable day. One participant, however, seemed to have gotten caught up in a negative mental loop on this occasion. She also happened to be the one I was paired with that day.
There were a few things that day for which I had to exercise patience. They included her repetition of the same story and questions over and over. They also included her insistence that since our outing had taken us so close to her daughter's place the bus should drop her off there instead of taking her back to the church to finish off the day. She simply would not let it go, and kept arguing the point. Obviously protocol, legality, and wisdom would not allow us to honor her request, but she could not understand the wisdom of it all.
I needed to remind myself that this woman even with her beginning dementia was and is made in the image of God. I also was thinking the next morning how much we are sometimes like that with God. We often just do not understand God's ways with us, and we do not understand His plan. We are not always willing to trust God's wisdom in allowing what He does in our lives. We may question the wisdom of God's ways and decisions.
Personally I think about all the indignities my husband went through because of his disease. I think of all the heartache I experienced as his caregiver. I think of the grief of losing him and living my life as a widow. It is tempting to think, "Why, God?" I do see much good which has come in my character as a result of all this. I see how my love for the Lord has grown, and I see ministry for others which has resulted. I see partially God's reasons and plans in it all, but I will never see the whole picture at least not before Eternity.
I simply have to trust that God knows what He is doing. I need to trust that He loves me with an everlasting love and that He is so much wiser than I am. As one book that I read recently put it, I need to give up trying to understand God and just praise Him and thank Him for His love.
Dear caregiver, the challenges of care-giving and life in general can be overwhelming at times. Trust that the Lord is with you through it all. Trust in His love and wisdom. He is infinitely wiser than you are.
Recently we took the participants on a little outing for the morning and early afternoon. It was beautiful day for this outing. The weather could not be more perfect. For most of the participants and volunteers it was a very enjoyable day. One participant, however, seemed to have gotten caught up in a negative mental loop on this occasion. She also happened to be the one I was paired with that day.
There were a few things that day for which I had to exercise patience. They included her repetition of the same story and questions over and over. They also included her insistence that since our outing had taken us so close to her daughter's place the bus should drop her off there instead of taking her back to the church to finish off the day. She simply would not let it go, and kept arguing the point. Obviously protocol, legality, and wisdom would not allow us to honor her request, but she could not understand the wisdom of it all.
I needed to remind myself that this woman even with her beginning dementia was and is made in the image of God. I also was thinking the next morning how much we are sometimes like that with God. We often just do not understand God's ways with us, and we do not understand His plan. We are not always willing to trust God's wisdom in allowing what He does in our lives. We may question the wisdom of God's ways and decisions.
Personally I think about all the indignities my husband went through because of his disease. I think of all the heartache I experienced as his caregiver. I think of the grief of losing him and living my life as a widow. It is tempting to think, "Why, God?" I do see much good which has come in my character as a result of all this. I see how my love for the Lord has grown, and I see ministry for others which has resulted. I see partially God's reasons and plans in it all, but I will never see the whole picture at least not before Eternity.
I simply have to trust that God knows what He is doing. I need to trust that He loves me with an everlasting love and that He is so much wiser than I am. As one book that I read recently put it, I need to give up trying to understand God and just praise Him and thank Him for His love.
Dear caregiver, the challenges of care-giving and life in general can be overwhelming at times. Trust that the Lord is with you through it all. Trust in His love and wisdom. He is infinitely wiser than you are.
Sunday, July 30, 2017
Wedding Anniversary Reflections
Forty-six years ago today on July 30, 1971 I married my husband, Wayne, the love of my life. He was a wonderful husband, and we had a good marriage. We raised three sons together and were able to see each of our sons marry Christian woman. For two of these weddings we had to travel internationally to witness the weddings. (God has a way of bringing surprises into our lives that we could never have envisioned.) Wayne and I were also able to experience together the birth of seven of our nine grandchildren. The last two grandchildren were born after Wayne's death, the last one in October.
As I said before our marriage was a good marriage. We faced some trials, but we faced them together with the Lord's help. Wayne was the love of my life. But the last few years of Wayne's life and of our marriage were very difficult. As you know from my previous blog posts these years were the years of Wayne's neurological disease. These were difficult years, as I saw Wayne deteriorate step by step until he was completely disabled. They were emotionally and physically draining years, and they took all the spiritual reserves that I had.
As I think about this anniversary of my wedding to Wayne, I am thankful for who Wayne was to me in my life. I am so thankful for the love that he showed me in so many ways. I also am saddened by the years that his dignity was slowly taken from him by his disease which step by step made him increasingly disabled. I am saddened by what I went through as his caregiver during those years.
Yet I am also joyful in the thought of Wayne being free from all that now and with the Lord. I am joyful in the realization that I know the Lord was with me every step and will continue to be with me every step of the way the rest of my life. Yet I miss my husband even after six and a half years, so I ask that you will pray for me especially today on the anniversary of our marriage.
I have learned so much through my care-giving experience and my grief experience. I have learned that dependence on the Lord is the only way to navigate this life. I have learned that weakness in my self is a good place to be, for then the strength of the Lord can be shown. Another words I am the strongest when I recognize my weakness, because then Christ's strength flows through me in amazing ways. I have learned that I am in control of nothing, but I am never alone. The Lord is with me step by step. My relationship with the Lord has become so very sweet, and I know He loves me and delights in me. I have learned that He is sufficient. Others may fail me, but He will not. I may not always understand His ways, but I can trust Him.
So, you too can depend on Him, dear caregiver. He is your strength in your weakness. He is in control and will walk with you each step of your care-giving journey and throughout your entire life. He loves you and will be with you, dear caregiver. Because of my experiences as a caregiver, it is my passion to encourage you in these things as a caregiver. That is why I write this blog, and that is why I wrote my book. I care about you, dear caregiver. God bless you in all you do.
If you would like to see some sweet memories of Wayne and I, one picture of our wedding day and also some pictures of our children when they were very little; go to the link below. Here is a link to my Pinterest folder concerning that: https://www.pinterest.com/jesuschild54/sweet-memories/
Also if you wish to order my book to encourage family caregivers here is the Amazon link to my order page: https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Caregiver-Sharon-Vander-Waal/dp/1629524263?ie=UTF8&keywords=Dear%20Caregiver&qid=1464624581&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books
My book is also found at Barnes and Noble and elsewhere online. My book is available in Kindle and Nook versions as well as paperback. Finally, you can get a copy directly from me as well. Just e-mail me at jesuschild54@hotmail.com for specifics, if you wish to go that route.
As I said before our marriage was a good marriage. We faced some trials, but we faced them together with the Lord's help. Wayne was the love of my life. But the last few years of Wayne's life and of our marriage were very difficult. As you know from my previous blog posts these years were the years of Wayne's neurological disease. These were difficult years, as I saw Wayne deteriorate step by step until he was completely disabled. They were emotionally and physically draining years, and they took all the spiritual reserves that I had.
As I think about this anniversary of my wedding to Wayne, I am thankful for who Wayne was to me in my life. I am so thankful for the love that he showed me in so many ways. I also am saddened by the years that his dignity was slowly taken from him by his disease which step by step made him increasingly disabled. I am saddened by what I went through as his caregiver during those years.
Yet I am also joyful in the thought of Wayne being free from all that now and with the Lord. I am joyful in the realization that I know the Lord was with me every step and will continue to be with me every step of the way the rest of my life. Yet I miss my husband even after six and a half years, so I ask that you will pray for me especially today on the anniversary of our marriage.
I have learned so much through my care-giving experience and my grief experience. I have learned that dependence on the Lord is the only way to navigate this life. I have learned that weakness in my self is a good place to be, for then the strength of the Lord can be shown. Another words I am the strongest when I recognize my weakness, because then Christ's strength flows through me in amazing ways. I have learned that I am in control of nothing, but I am never alone. The Lord is with me step by step. My relationship with the Lord has become so very sweet, and I know He loves me and delights in me. I have learned that He is sufficient. Others may fail me, but He will not. I may not always understand His ways, but I can trust Him.
So, you too can depend on Him, dear caregiver. He is your strength in your weakness. He is in control and will walk with you each step of your care-giving journey and throughout your entire life. He loves you and will be with you, dear caregiver. Because of my experiences as a caregiver, it is my passion to encourage you in these things as a caregiver. That is why I write this blog, and that is why I wrote my book. I care about you, dear caregiver. God bless you in all you do.
If you would like to see some sweet memories of Wayne and I, one picture of our wedding day and also some pictures of our children when they were very little; go to the link below. Here is a link to my Pinterest folder concerning that: https://www.pinterest.com/jesuschild54/sweet-memories/
Also if you wish to order my book to encourage family caregivers here is the Amazon link to my order page: https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Caregiver-Sharon-Vander-Waal/dp/1629524263?ie=UTF8&keywords=Dear%20Caregiver&qid=1464624581&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books
My book is also found at Barnes and Noble and elsewhere online. My book is available in Kindle and Nook versions as well as paperback. Finally, you can get a copy directly from me as well. Just e-mail me at jesuschild54@hotmail.com for specifics, if you wish to go that route.
Sunday, July 23, 2017
The Folly of Trying to Control
(This blog post is from a chapter of my book: Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers by Sharon Vander Waal. In many ways this post reflects the same sentiments expressed in my post called "Vulnerability" of a couple weeks ago.)
As a caregiver I remember sometimes thinking about the future and worrying about the progression of my husband’s terminal disease. I remember worrying about how I would take care of my husband after he became completely disabled. As it turned out the last months of my husband’s life especially did become very difficult, but the Lord also provided for those circumstances.
During the course of my husband’s disease in addition to worrying I felt very much that what I did or did not do would influence the speed with which the disease would progress. I think I subconsciously felt as if I had some control in my husband’s disease.
God, however wants us to trust Him enough to let life’s events unfold without striving to control or predict them. He wants us to relax in His unfailing love. When we try to predict or control the future in any way we are trying to be self-sufficient. God wants us to rely on Him alone.
Caregivers are loving and strong advocates for their loved ones. They often have to be. They also need to be responsible in providing any medical help possible for their loved ones. One thing caregivers must remember, however, is that in the end they cannot control the progression of their loved one’s disease. Only God can control this. Caregivers anxiously wringing their hands trying to control the uncontrollable can result in a losing out on the time they do have with their loved ones.
The better alternative to worrying about the future and trying to control the future is to live in the present moment depending fully on the Lord God. When I think back on my care-giving days I remember this was so difficult to do. Worrying and trying to control, however, leaves us fearing our own inadequacy. I remember those feelings also, dear caregiver. Instead in all of life’s struggles we need to rejoice in God’s abundant supply of strength which He gives us for each difficult situation as it arises.
Dear Christian caregiver, do not divide your life into things you think you can handle by yourself and things for which you need God’s help. The truth is you need help for it all. Rely on Him for every caregiving situation. Doing so will help you face each care-giving day with confidence.
As a caregiver I remember sometimes thinking about the future and worrying about the progression of my husband’s terminal disease. I remember worrying about how I would take care of my husband after he became completely disabled. As it turned out the last months of my husband’s life especially did become very difficult, but the Lord also provided for those circumstances.
During the course of my husband’s disease in addition to worrying I felt very much that what I did or did not do would influence the speed with which the disease would progress. I think I subconsciously felt as if I had some control in my husband’s disease.
God, however wants us to trust Him enough to let life’s events unfold without striving to control or predict them. He wants us to relax in His unfailing love. When we try to predict or control the future in any way we are trying to be self-sufficient. God wants us to rely on Him alone.
Caregivers are loving and strong advocates for their loved ones. They often have to be. They also need to be responsible in providing any medical help possible for their loved ones. One thing caregivers must remember, however, is that in the end they cannot control the progression of their loved one’s disease. Only God can control this. Caregivers anxiously wringing their hands trying to control the uncontrollable can result in a losing out on the time they do have with their loved ones.
The better alternative to worrying about the future and trying to control the future is to live in the present moment depending fully on the Lord God. When I think back on my care-giving days I remember this was so difficult to do. Worrying and trying to control, however, leaves us fearing our own inadequacy. I remember those feelings also, dear caregiver. Instead in all of life’s struggles we need to rejoice in God’s abundant supply of strength which He gives us for each difficult situation as it arises.
Dear Christian caregiver, do not divide your life into things you think you can handle by yourself and things for which you need God’s help. The truth is you need help for it all. Rely on Him for every caregiving situation. Doing so will help you face each care-giving day with confidence.
Sunday, July 16, 2017
Preparation for the Valley
(Following is a chapter from my book: Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers.)
Seeking to provide for my husband’s needs during my care-giving days could get emotionally heavy at times, but I feel my past experiences helped to prepare me somewhat for the care-giving challenges. One of these experiences actually coincided with the beginning stages of my care-giving days. That experience was my fight against breast cancer.
In July of 2007, about a year after my husband was diagnosed with his disease, I noticed a swelling in my right breast and under my arm. I was able to book an appointment with my physician’s assistant. She sent me for a mammogram and MRI the next day. A couple days later I received the devastating news that I did indeed have breast cancer and that the cancer had invaded my lymph nodes. The tumor in my breast was very large, and my doctor told me later that my lymph nodes were all gummed together.
A few days later I found myself at my oncologist’s office, and after a full body scan at the hospital I began chemo. I began chemo by the end of July of 2007. All together I had 8 chemo treatments in 3 week cycles, mastectomy surgery with all my lymph nodes under my arm removed, and 6 1/2 weeks of radiation daily. Side effects of chemo were fatigue, mild nausea sometimes, food tasting like cardboard, loss of all of my hair etc. Radiation caused some burning, but it was manageable. All treatment was completed in April of 2008!
During the time of my cancer treatments I had a host of people praying for me-even people across the ocean! We also had people from our church bringing in meals twice a week for a long time. I further had church people bringing me to all my chemo treatments and most of my radiation treatments. The medical people at my cancer care center were wonderful.
Cancer treatments would not be a time that I would want to go through again, but at the same time it was a time of blessing as well as hardship. It is hard to explain, but I became more free in my spirit and less concerned about other’s opinions as a result to this cancer experience. I experienced the love of other people, and most of all I experienced the love of my Lord and Savior in a new and fresh way. I learned dependence on the Lord God during those many months, and I grew in my faith. The Lord’s strength and His love to me demonstrated through others helped me through those months.
I still am miles away from having it altogether. Just perhaps, however, I will be able to face today and the days ahead with more of God’s strength, because of my cancer experience and my experiences with the heartaches of care-giving. The memory of those days will never go away. It has changed whom I am forever mostly for the good.
I know that there will always be problems in this life, but I am further certain that my Lord and Savior will be with me all through my life. I know He will give me the strength to handle anything I need to face in the future. Even in hard times God has promised to be with me and bless me and someday take me to live with Him eternally. Dear Christian caregiver rest in Him.
(Look on the side of this home page for a link to the order page for my book on Amazon. The book is also available at Barnes and Noble and elsewhere online. If you prefer a signed copy from me directly, just e-mail me at jesuschild54@hotmail.com for specifics.)
Seeking to provide for my husband’s needs during my care-giving days could get emotionally heavy at times, but I feel my past experiences helped to prepare me somewhat for the care-giving challenges. One of these experiences actually coincided with the beginning stages of my care-giving days. That experience was my fight against breast cancer.
In July of 2007, about a year after my husband was diagnosed with his disease, I noticed a swelling in my right breast and under my arm. I was able to book an appointment with my physician’s assistant. She sent me for a mammogram and MRI the next day. A couple days later I received the devastating news that I did indeed have breast cancer and that the cancer had invaded my lymph nodes. The tumor in my breast was very large, and my doctor told me later that my lymph nodes were all gummed together.
A few days later I found myself at my oncologist’s office, and after a full body scan at the hospital I began chemo. I began chemo by the end of July of 2007. All together I had 8 chemo treatments in 3 week cycles, mastectomy surgery with all my lymph nodes under my arm removed, and 6 1/2 weeks of radiation daily. Side effects of chemo were fatigue, mild nausea sometimes, food tasting like cardboard, loss of all of my hair etc. Radiation caused some burning, but it was manageable. All treatment was completed in April of 2008!
During the time of my cancer treatments I had a host of people praying for me-even people across the ocean! We also had people from our church bringing in meals twice a week for a long time. I further had church people bringing me to all my chemo treatments and most of my radiation treatments. The medical people at my cancer care center were wonderful.
Cancer treatments would not be a time that I would want to go through again, but at the same time it was a time of blessing as well as hardship. It is hard to explain, but I became more free in my spirit and less concerned about other’s opinions as a result to this cancer experience. I experienced the love of other people, and most of all I experienced the love of my Lord and Savior in a new and fresh way. I learned dependence on the Lord God during those many months, and I grew in my faith. The Lord’s strength and His love to me demonstrated through others helped me through those months.
I still am miles away from having it altogether. Just perhaps, however, I will be able to face today and the days ahead with more of God’s strength, because of my cancer experience and my experiences with the heartaches of care-giving. The memory of those days will never go away. It has changed whom I am forever mostly for the good.
I know that there will always be problems in this life, but I am further certain that my Lord and Savior will be with me all through my life. I know He will give me the strength to handle anything I need to face in the future. Even in hard times God has promised to be with me and bless me and someday take me to live with Him eternally. Dear Christian caregiver rest in Him.
(Look on the side of this home page for a link to the order page for my book on Amazon. The book is also available at Barnes and Noble and elsewhere online. If you prefer a signed copy from me directly, just e-mail me at jesuschild54@hotmail.com for specifics.)
Sunday, July 9, 2017
Vulnerability
Recently over the July 4th week-end I returned from a few days trip to visit family in IA and MN. I went with a widow friend of mine. It is about a 500 mile trip one way. Whenever my friend and I do this trip I always am more aware of my vulnerability. We are two widows, I pushing seventy years old and she seventy-one years old.
Yet as a recent devotion I read pointed out, there is very little in this earthly life that is secure. Even if I sit in my "secure" home all the time, something unplanned and even devastating can happen. The only true place of security is in the Lord and in my trust in His faithfulness.
I remember back to those days when I was a caregiver for my husband, Wayne. As I watched him deteriorate step by step and become more and more disabled, I felt very vulnerable and often fearful. Yet knowing I had a faithful God who was in control is what kept me going during those difficult days. He can also be your source of comfort and security, dear caregiver.
Feeling vulnerable is really a good place to be. This is because it makes us aware of our own weakness and limitations. This in turn can make us more willing to recognize that the Lord is the only one who is in control. It then draws us to His strength and power. We further begin to learn to rest things with Him and to trust Him to lead and guide us.
Our vulnerability also teaches us that the Lord is the only source of our joy. The things of this earth are insecure and will never provide lasting satisfaction. Only a relationship with the Lord can do that. That does not mean we will always feel "happy" in the way the world defines that word. There are many things in this world which make us sad, and joy is very different than happiness. Joy in the Lord is possible, however, in spite of circumstances. Joy is possible for you, dear caregiver, in spite of how difficult your care-giving experience with your loved one may become. This is because the Lord and not the empty things of this world is the source of joy.
Psalm 28:7 in the Old Testament of the Bible says this, "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song." Psalm 63:7-8 says, "Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me." (Both verses are from the NIV 1984 translation.) Realizing your own vulnerability is a good thing, dear caregiver. Rest in Him and in His strength. Find joy in Him.
Yet as a recent devotion I read pointed out, there is very little in this earthly life that is secure. Even if I sit in my "secure" home all the time, something unplanned and even devastating can happen. The only true place of security is in the Lord and in my trust in His faithfulness.
I remember back to those days when I was a caregiver for my husband, Wayne. As I watched him deteriorate step by step and become more and more disabled, I felt very vulnerable and often fearful. Yet knowing I had a faithful God who was in control is what kept me going during those difficult days. He can also be your source of comfort and security, dear caregiver.
Feeling vulnerable is really a good place to be. This is because it makes us aware of our own weakness and limitations. This in turn can make us more willing to recognize that the Lord is the only one who is in control. It then draws us to His strength and power. We further begin to learn to rest things with Him and to trust Him to lead and guide us.
Our vulnerability also teaches us that the Lord is the only source of our joy. The things of this earth are insecure and will never provide lasting satisfaction. Only a relationship with the Lord can do that. That does not mean we will always feel "happy" in the way the world defines that word. There are many things in this world which make us sad, and joy is very different than happiness. Joy in the Lord is possible, however, in spite of circumstances. Joy is possible for you, dear caregiver, in spite of how difficult your care-giving experience with your loved one may become. This is because the Lord and not the empty things of this world is the source of joy.
Psalm 28:7 in the Old Testament of the Bible says this, "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song." Psalm 63:7-8 says, "Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me." (Both verses are from the NIV 1984 translation.) Realizing your own vulnerability is a good thing, dear caregiver. Rest in Him and in His strength. Find joy in Him.
Sunday, June 25, 2017
He Will Equip You
(This blog post is from a chapter in my book: Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers. Next week I will be away from my computer, so there will not be a new post. The next post will be on or around July 9, Lord willing.)
Dear
caregiver, have you ever said to yourself, “I can not do this any
longer! Why has God laid on me the task of care-giving? Who am I to be
asked to do this job? I am not equipped to do this job.” As a
former caregiver for my husband with a terminal disease I remember
thinking these things from time to time during my care-giving days.
In
an Old Testament book in the Bible God assigned a man named Moses an
important task. It was an important task, but it was also an
overwhelmingly daunting task and would be a huge undertaking for
Moses. Hence, Moses was understandably afraid. (Read about it in
Exodus chapter three in the Bible.)
Moses
begin to make excuses for not being able to do the job which God had
given him to do. The first question that Moses asked God when God
gave him his new assignment was "Who am I, that I should do this
job?”
But
Moses was asking the Lord the wrong question. Moses should not have
asked, "Who am I?" The real question should have been "Who
is God?" Moses should not have been focusing on his own
inadequacies, but he should have been focusing on the power of the
Lord to help him. Moses should have been focusing on the faithfulness
of the great God who had been faithful to His people in the past and
who had promised to be with them in the future. Even though Moses
continued to make excuses for awhile ultimately Moses obeyed God, and
God used him in mighty ways
Care-giving
has to be one of life’s most challenging tasks. Dear caregiver,
know, however, that God is a faithful and dependable God. Completely
trust in Him to always be with you and strengthen you. God is not
just a God of glory and power. He is a faithful God who completely
gives Himself to you. As God was with Moses in the past in the
frightening and overwhelming task He assigned him, He will continue
to be with you also in the sometimes overwhelming challenges of
care-giving.
God
has assigned you the task of care-giving, dear Christian caregiver.
Because He has assigned you this task, He will also equip you. He
will give you His strength as long as you need it. Our strength has
nothing to do with ourselves. Our strength is wholly dependent on the
Lord and His faithfulness. We must learn the secret of bringing our
burdens to the Lord and leaving them there. God says that He will be
with us wherever He asks us to go and in whatever He asks us to do.
Trust Him and lean heavily on Him, dear caregiver!
Saturday, June 17, 2017
Father's Day and Our Heavenly Father
Sunday is Father's Day in the United States. It is a wonderful day to honor fathers. Yet sometimes this day and other holidays can be bittersweet. On this Father's day weekend I remember my own Dad and also remember Wayne, my husband and the father of my children. They have both passed onto their Heavenly home. Yet during their lives on earth they both provided strong spiritual guidance and were an example for their families. They both demonstrated a strong work ethic and loved their families. They were both men of great patience, calmness, and humility. Finally, they both maintained their steadfast faith even during the last difficult years of their lives. I also remember my father-in-law with fond memories. Finally, I am thankful to my three sons who are all Godly men and are raising their families in the ways of the Lord.
Perhaps, you are a former caregiver who took care of either a father, father-in-law, or a husband. Perhaps, you are a current family caregiver who is caring for one of these and are feeling the sorrow of your loved one's decline. On this day and every day try to remember the sweet memories. Try to remember how your loved one has impacted your life in good and sweet ways in the past. If your past does not contain sweet and loving memories with your loved one, concentrate on the love of your Heavenly Father who has never left you or forsook you. He is the Heavenly Father to which all of us can cling for love, protection and grace.
Sometimes when we have lost someone or are seeing significant declines in our loved ones, we feel sadness in the loss of that person or in the loss of the way things used to be. Let's use this day and every day in our lives to remember the sweet memories and also to be thankful for the daily blessings our Heavenly Father showers on us. Let us rejoice in our Heavenly Father.
Perhaps, you are a former caregiver who took care of either a father, father-in-law, or a husband. Perhaps, you are a current family caregiver who is caring for one of these and are feeling the sorrow of your loved one's decline. On this day and every day try to remember the sweet memories. Try to remember how your loved one has impacted your life in good and sweet ways in the past. If your past does not contain sweet and loving memories with your loved one, concentrate on the love of your Heavenly Father who has never left you or forsook you. He is the Heavenly Father to which all of us can cling for love, protection and grace.
Sometimes when we have lost someone or are seeing significant declines in our loved ones, we feel sadness in the loss of that person or in the loss of the way things used to be. Let's use this day and every day in our lives to remember the sweet memories and also to be thankful for the daily blessings our Heavenly Father showers on us. Let us rejoice in our Heavenly Father.
Saturday, June 10, 2017
Care-giving for Aging Parents
Recently I read an excellent article on family care-giving in the New Horizons magazine. The New Horizons magazine happens to be the magazine for the church denomination to which this writer belongs. There are many kinds of family care-giving, but this particular article speaks about caring for aging parents. Click on the link below to read this thoughtful and well-written article.
https://www.opc.org/nh.html?article_id=922
https://www.opc.org/nh.html?article_id=922
Sunday, June 4, 2017
Care-giving, "Pleasant Places"?
During my family care-giving days the book of Psalms in the Old Testament of the Bible became especially meaningful to me. It continues to be so in my days as a widow. Recently in my devotions I was again reading Psalm 16. It is beautiful Psalm filled with rich truths and promises. This Psalm speaks to my heart in many ways.
Psalm 16 talks about the fact that there is no good thing outside of the Lord. So often we run after things and possessions to try to fill up the empty places in our hearts. Things and even relationships can be good in themselves, but without the Lord in our lives they are meaningless. Without the Lord they lead to frustration and dead-ends.
Yet with the Lord in our lives even the trials can turn into blessings. As my devotional for Psalm 16 pointed out, God allows all our unique circumstances for a reason. These circumstances shape who we are as people. They also affect how we uniquely serve God and minister to others. I know everything that happened to me since I was a child and now as an adult affects both my personality and my relationship with God and others.
Psalm 16: 5-6 says, "Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." But wait a minute, has God always given me "pleasant places?" When I think about those care-giving years where I watched my husband's body deteriorate step by step, I still to this day have sad feelings. There were many moments which were challenging and many moments which one would not consider "pleasant places." There have been challenging moments for me also as a widow that do not seem like "pleasant places."
Yet even those moments which seem challenging and less than pleasant are for my good and for God's glory. They gave me purpose during those days that I was a caregiver and continue to influence who I am and what I do to this day. They have opened up doors of ministry in my post care-giving days that could have come in no other way. Sometimes ministry to others can only come because of our past pain or in the midst of present pain. You may not be able to make sense of your present care-giving situation, dear caregiver, but trust that God is using you now and will in the days ahead because of that present situation in you life.
Trust too, dear care-giver, that the Lord will counsel and instruct you step by step in the whole care-giving experience and in the years beyond. So you need "not be shaken (Psalm 16:7-8)." There are many times when I have felt shaken and felt panic about life's situations. Yet I know that there is a no need for it. When I remind myself of God's promises to always be with me, much calmness can return. Also in the loneliness of those care-giving days of my past, the Lord was there to comfort me. He is also there for me in my days as a widow. On top of that He promises me joy in this life and in eternity (Psalm 16:11).
So yes, dear caregiver, if you are a child of God, you have God's promise of "pleasant places" and a "delightful inheritance." (Another translation of the Bible says "beautiful inheritance.") Trust Him in the challenging and painful moments. Trust that He knows what He is doing. Trust that He is using you now in powerful ways and will also do so in the future. He has assigned you your "portion and cup (Psalm 16:5), and He will use it in service to Him and others and for your spiritual and emotional good.
Psalm 16 talks about the fact that there is no good thing outside of the Lord. So often we run after things and possessions to try to fill up the empty places in our hearts. Things and even relationships can be good in themselves, but without the Lord in our lives they are meaningless. Without the Lord they lead to frustration and dead-ends.
Yet with the Lord in our lives even the trials can turn into blessings. As my devotional for Psalm 16 pointed out, God allows all our unique circumstances for a reason. These circumstances shape who we are as people. They also affect how we uniquely serve God and minister to others. I know everything that happened to me since I was a child and now as an adult affects both my personality and my relationship with God and others.
Psalm 16: 5-6 says, "Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." But wait a minute, has God always given me "pleasant places?" When I think about those care-giving years where I watched my husband's body deteriorate step by step, I still to this day have sad feelings. There were many moments which were challenging and many moments which one would not consider "pleasant places." There have been challenging moments for me also as a widow that do not seem like "pleasant places."
Yet even those moments which seem challenging and less than pleasant are for my good and for God's glory. They gave me purpose during those days that I was a caregiver and continue to influence who I am and what I do to this day. They have opened up doors of ministry in my post care-giving days that could have come in no other way. Sometimes ministry to others can only come because of our past pain or in the midst of present pain. You may not be able to make sense of your present care-giving situation, dear caregiver, but trust that God is using you now and will in the days ahead because of that present situation in you life.
Trust too, dear care-giver, that the Lord will counsel and instruct you step by step in the whole care-giving experience and in the years beyond. So you need "not be shaken (Psalm 16:7-8)." There are many times when I have felt shaken and felt panic about life's situations. Yet I know that there is a no need for it. When I remind myself of God's promises to always be with me, much calmness can return. Also in the loneliness of those care-giving days of my past, the Lord was there to comfort me. He is also there for me in my days as a widow. On top of that He promises me joy in this life and in eternity (Psalm 16:11).
So yes, dear caregiver, if you are a child of God, you have God's promise of "pleasant places" and a "delightful inheritance." (Another translation of the Bible says "beautiful inheritance.") Trust Him in the challenging and painful moments. Trust that He knows what He is doing. Trust that He is using you now in powerful ways and will also do so in the future. He has assigned you your "portion and cup (Psalm 16:5), and He will use it in service to Him and others and for your spiritual and emotional good.
Saturday, May 27, 2017
No Regular Post This Week
There will be no regular post this week. Use this week to reread older posts. Since Monday is Memorial Day in the United States, I want to wish you all a blessed week-end. For some of you this may be a difficult day, as you remember loved ones who have passed. I remember my Dad who served in the Navy. I also remember my, husband, Wayne, who was in the Army Reserves. I further remember my brother who served in the Army but is still with us. For those who have lost precious loved ones whether they were in the military or not (like me who lost my Mom just a few months ago) make it a day of thinking about the happy memories you have of your loved ones.
Sunday, May 21, 2017
Lessons From my Vacuum Cleaner
Some time back I noticed that my vacuum cleaner was no longer picking up well. I knew that my bag in my vacuum cleaner was probably full, and I knew that was the reason my vacuum cleaner was no longer working well. For a few different reasons (none of them very good reasons) I put off changing the bag. One of those reasons was that I had no replacement bags on hand, and I needed to go to the store to purchase some new bags.
When I finally replaced the bag in my vacuum cleaner it was indeed very full. There was dirt and lint even up into the hose part of my vacuum cleaner, which I had to clean out. Before I bought and installed the new bag, I in essence was choosing to ignore the fact that a problem existed. This, however, did not erase the fact that dirt was accumulating. Hence, my vacuum cleaner was not fully functional.
The same can be true of life. Is anything clogging your life, dear caregiver? Are you allowing bitterness, impatience, or depression to clutter and clog up your life? The best way to prevent that from happening is by continual spiritual maintenance. You need to take the negative feelings which can sometimes crop up to the Lord in prayer. You also need to spend time daily in God's Word searching for His promises. You further need to find things each day for which you are thankful. Finally, trust and rest in the Lord. Thankfulness and trust are the key to joy and peace.
On a purely emotional and physical level there are also some other things you should and can do. Try very hard to get enough sleep each night. Also take at least a part of each day for reprieve and to energize yourself. Do something each day that you enjoy even if it only for a few minutes. Finally, do not engage in second guessing yourself or false guilt in regards to your care of your loved one. You are an imperfect human being, but you are doing the best that you can, Don't let your care-giving and other life circumstances clog you up emotionally, spiritually, or physically. You are too precious in God's sight to do that to yourself, dear caregiver!
When I finally replaced the bag in my vacuum cleaner it was indeed very full. There was dirt and lint even up into the hose part of my vacuum cleaner, which I had to clean out. Before I bought and installed the new bag, I in essence was choosing to ignore the fact that a problem existed. This, however, did not erase the fact that dirt was accumulating. Hence, my vacuum cleaner was not fully functional.
The same can be true of life. Is anything clogging your life, dear caregiver? Are you allowing bitterness, impatience, or depression to clutter and clog up your life? The best way to prevent that from happening is by continual spiritual maintenance. You need to take the negative feelings which can sometimes crop up to the Lord in prayer. You also need to spend time daily in God's Word searching for His promises. You further need to find things each day for which you are thankful. Finally, trust and rest in the Lord. Thankfulness and trust are the key to joy and peace.
On a purely emotional and physical level there are also some other things you should and can do. Try very hard to get enough sleep each night. Also take at least a part of each day for reprieve and to energize yourself. Do something each day that you enjoy even if it only for a few minutes. Finally, do not engage in second guessing yourself or false guilt in regards to your care of your loved one. You are an imperfect human being, but you are doing the best that you can, Don't let your care-giving and other life circumstances clog you up emotionally, spiritually, or physically. You are too precious in God's sight to do that to yourself, dear caregiver!
Saturday, May 13, 2017
Pruning
This process of cutting the stems off the ends of cut flowers has never logically made sense to me. Neither has it ever made sense to me to cut vines and other plants way back. Pruning of vines is an even more drastic cutting back process than just cutting off the ends of the stems of cut flowers. In fact, when completed the vine branch can appear to be dead. This pruning is a necessary and a good thing to do, however. In fact, because the branch is attached to the vine; it can grow to be productive, new, and beautiful once again.
This is true also about the cutting or hurtful aspects and experiences of life. Care-giving can often become very challenging and overwhelming. It can be discouraging and hurt us emotionally at times, as we see our loved ones deteriorate in their health. Just as we may wonder why it is necessary for a plant to be cut way back, it often is puzzling to understand why we have to undergo the painfully cutting experiences of life.
Yet during my very difficult care-giving years and during my grief since my husband’s death over 6 years ago I know the Lord has been shaping my character and drawing me closer to him. He is also cutting away attitudes and fears that are not appropriate and making me more dependent on Him. Like cut flowers and like a branch on a vine which has been cut back, I can grow into something beautiful and productive because of this pruning in my life. Just as cut flowers need plant food, I also have to feed on God's Word, however, for this to take place in my life.
The branch on a vine also cannot grow into something beautiful again, however, unless it is attached to the vine. So also I cannot grow into something beautiful unless I am attached to the Vine, the Lord Jesus. This is spoken of in John 15 in the Bible.
Dear Christian caregiver, the pruning that takes place in the difficult moments of care-giving and in life in general hurts. It is okay to acknowledge that it hurts. You are not alone, however, if you are attached to the Living Vine, Jesus Christ. You will be okay. Not only will you be okay, but you will flourish. Remind yourself of this when the dark moments sometimes come.
Sunday, May 7, 2017
Different Kinds of Care-giving
Until Tuesday of last week I had my sister-in-law, my daughter-in-law, and my 6 month and now 7 month old grandson in my home for a few weeks. It was joy to get to know and interact with my little grandson whom I previously had not seen since shortly after his birth. It was fun to see the new things he learned in just the few weeks he had been in my home. During that time he learned to roll over, to sit on his own and to move backwards. It is amazing how far a baby can move with just a combination of rolling and moving backwards. He also learned a few new words.
Babies are so much fun, but the truth of the matter is that they also involve a lot of work and care-giving. They need constant care and attention Also if they do not receive what they want on their timetable, they let you know it in no uncertain terms. My little grandson will still sometimes waken his Mom in the middle of night demanding playtime or comfort. Babies are wonderful when they turn on their charm and flash you a special smile like my sweet little grandson does. Yet they also require much attention and care. Yet parents (and grandparents) willingly give them this attention because of their love for them.
So what is the difference between the sometimes demanding care we give babies and children and the care family caregivers give their loved ones who are experiencing some disease or disability? There are many differences. With a normally developing baby we see them learning new skills and vocabulary. We are excited about these new developments in them. When we care for a loved one with a disease, we may see steady declines in ability to function in this world. This can be a source of heart ache for those who are caring for them. I know it was for me, as I watched my husband, Wayne, deteriorate step by step during those years that I was his caregiver.
There seems to be real purpose and joy in helping and watching babies and children reach their full potential and maturity. It is perhaps more difficult to find purpose and joy in caring for a loved one who is declining in his or her health. Yet family care-giving is the most important and significant job you may ever undertake, dear caregiver. You are adding joy, comfort, and dignity to the last days of your loved one's life. Who else can do that in the same way that you are doing it, dear caregiver? You are also showing to the world a picture of Christ-like sacrificial love. Yes, you are doing that even on the days when you feel you are failing and running out of patience, dear caregiver.
If you are a child of God another thing you are doing is preparing your loved one for Eternity. As I told you in a past post. I was able to spend the last few minutes of my Mom's life by her bedside. I sang hymns to her, talked to her, and read Scripture to her. Even though she did not noticeably respond, I believe I was helping prepare her for Eternity. I guess when I was taking care of my husband as his caregiver, however, I never really thought of that care as preparing him for Eternity. Yet upon reflection that is exactly what I was doing. It is exactly what you are doing as well, dear Christian caregiver. Christian caregivers with their sacrificial love are preparing their loved ones to be handed over to the caring and loving hands of their Savior in God's perfect timing. What could be more significant and important than that? Thank you for all that you do, dear caregiver!
P.S.
Will you indulge me by letting me post a picture of my youngest grandson to which I referred in this post and also one of my husband and I in my husband's last months of his life? How my husband would have loved to have met this little one.
Babies are so much fun, but the truth of the matter is that they also involve a lot of work and care-giving. They need constant care and attention Also if they do not receive what they want on their timetable, they let you know it in no uncertain terms. My little grandson will still sometimes waken his Mom in the middle of night demanding playtime or comfort. Babies are wonderful when they turn on their charm and flash you a special smile like my sweet little grandson does. Yet they also require much attention and care. Yet parents (and grandparents) willingly give them this attention because of their love for them.
So what is the difference between the sometimes demanding care we give babies and children and the care family caregivers give their loved ones who are experiencing some disease or disability? There are many differences. With a normally developing baby we see them learning new skills and vocabulary. We are excited about these new developments in them. When we care for a loved one with a disease, we may see steady declines in ability to function in this world. This can be a source of heart ache for those who are caring for them. I know it was for me, as I watched my husband, Wayne, deteriorate step by step during those years that I was his caregiver.
There seems to be real purpose and joy in helping and watching babies and children reach their full potential and maturity. It is perhaps more difficult to find purpose and joy in caring for a loved one who is declining in his or her health. Yet family care-giving is the most important and significant job you may ever undertake, dear caregiver. You are adding joy, comfort, and dignity to the last days of your loved one's life. Who else can do that in the same way that you are doing it, dear caregiver? You are also showing to the world a picture of Christ-like sacrificial love. Yes, you are doing that even on the days when you feel you are failing and running out of patience, dear caregiver.
If you are a child of God another thing you are doing is preparing your loved one for Eternity. As I told you in a past post. I was able to spend the last few minutes of my Mom's life by her bedside. I sang hymns to her, talked to her, and read Scripture to her. Even though she did not noticeably respond, I believe I was helping prepare her for Eternity. I guess when I was taking care of my husband as his caregiver, however, I never really thought of that care as preparing him for Eternity. Yet upon reflection that is exactly what I was doing. It is exactly what you are doing as well, dear Christian caregiver. Christian caregivers with their sacrificial love are preparing their loved ones to be handed over to the caring and loving hands of their Savior in God's perfect timing. What could be more significant and important than that? Thank you for all that you do, dear caregiver!
P.S.
Will you indulge me by letting me post a picture of my youngest grandson to which I referred in this post and also one of my husband and I in my husband's last months of his life? How my husband would have loved to have met this little one.
Saturday, April 29, 2017
Waiting
(This post is from a chapter from my book, Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers.)
Recently a caregiver on a care-giving site online wrote about her frustrations with always feeling that she had to wait. She talked about waiting for a doctor’s office to call her back and waiting for lab results concerning her loved one. She talked about waiting for the next step. She talked about waiting for her loved one to get sicker and her eventual death. She also talked about waiting for a cure for her loved one’s illness and wanting to wait for something good to happen but seeming to only think of the reality of her loved one’s illness and not the miraculous. She further talked about waiting for appreciation for all the things she does in her care-giving role and waiting for life to be normal again when she knows it never will be.
She said she feels like she is always waiting for something but doesn’t know what. She also talked about her life consisting of waiting potentially life and death decisions, and the pressure of knowing that she holds somebody’s life in her hands by the decisions that she makes. Finally, she talked about waiting on God to show her how to fulfill her purpose.
Looking back on my care-giving days I can so identify with many of her emotions.
We all would like to get better at waiting, because we do not feel that we do a very good job of waiting.
Recently I read a devotional on waiting which I thought was so applicable. The devotional pointed out that productive waiting involves waiting on God and directing our attention to Him in anticipation of what He will do. It involves trusting Him with every fiber of our being. It involves staying conscious of Him, as we go about our daily activities. It involves total dependence on Him realizing we cannot do it on our own.
I too so remember those stressful care-giving days when I was caring for my husband. I so remember the heartache of all the declines and the dread of how I was going to handle the future declines. The truth is that God was with me every step of the way. I see that in an even more focused way, as I look back on those days.
I think all the struggles (and waiting is part of those struggles) makes us stronger people. It helps to shape our characters. But this kind of character building is so painful, isn’t it? In the struggles of my personal life the last few years I have often thought, “I can do with a little less character building now, Lord.” You may have thought the same thing, dear caregiver, but there is a purpose in all this. It will also shape your future life.
Dear Christian caregiver, as my recent devotional went on to say God does give blessings to those who wait on Him in the measure that they wait on Him. He gives renewed strength, hope, and an awareness of His continual presence. I fell so far short of resting in Him during my care-giving years. I often let stress and anxiety come to the surface. Knowing He was in control, however, helped me through those days. Rest in Him, dear caregiver. Wait on Him.
Recently a caregiver on a care-giving site online wrote about her frustrations with always feeling that she had to wait. She talked about waiting for a doctor’s office to call her back and waiting for lab results concerning her loved one. She talked about waiting for the next step. She talked about waiting for her loved one to get sicker and her eventual death. She also talked about waiting for a cure for her loved one’s illness and wanting to wait for something good to happen but seeming to only think of the reality of her loved one’s illness and not the miraculous. She further talked about waiting for appreciation for all the things she does in her care-giving role and waiting for life to be normal again when she knows it never will be.
She said she feels like she is always waiting for something but doesn’t know what. She also talked about her life consisting of waiting potentially life and death decisions, and the pressure of knowing that she holds somebody’s life in her hands by the decisions that she makes. Finally, she talked about waiting on God to show her how to fulfill her purpose.
Looking back on my care-giving days I can so identify with many of her emotions.
We all would like to get better at waiting, because we do not feel that we do a very good job of waiting.
Recently I read a devotional on waiting which I thought was so applicable. The devotional pointed out that productive waiting involves waiting on God and directing our attention to Him in anticipation of what He will do. It involves trusting Him with every fiber of our being. It involves staying conscious of Him, as we go about our daily activities. It involves total dependence on Him realizing we cannot do it on our own.
I too so remember those stressful care-giving days when I was caring for my husband. I so remember the heartache of all the declines and the dread of how I was going to handle the future declines. The truth is that God was with me every step of the way. I see that in an even more focused way, as I look back on those days.
I think all the struggles (and waiting is part of those struggles) makes us stronger people. It helps to shape our characters. But this kind of character building is so painful, isn’t it? In the struggles of my personal life the last few years I have often thought, “I can do with a little less character building now, Lord.” You may have thought the same thing, dear caregiver, but there is a purpose in all this. It will also shape your future life.
Dear Christian caregiver, as my recent devotional went on to say God does give blessings to those who wait on Him in the measure that they wait on Him. He gives renewed strength, hope, and an awareness of His continual presence. I fell so far short of resting in Him during my care-giving years. I often let stress and anxiety come to the surface. Knowing He was in control, however, helped me through those days. Rest in Him, dear caregiver. Wait on Him.
Sunday, April 23, 2017
The "Should Haves"
Family care-givers are notorious for engaging in false guilt and finding a way to blame themselves for every decline of their loved one. The truth is that we are not God. We can't control all the declines of our loved ones. The only thing we can do is to seek to be a tool in the Lord's hands providing the best possible care we know how to give to our loved ones. We are weak human beings, however, and in the end, only God is in control.
I recently read a post online about the second guessing caregivers do regarding the care that they give or gave to their loved ones. They tend to engage in the "should haves" and "if onlys" of situations that are out of their control. The post I mentioned earlier in this paragraph talks about some of these very things and suggests that the caregiver write a letter to themselves reminding themselves of the truths of their care-giving situation. The link to this post is below. Just click on the link below to read it. It is a good article for anyone who is a caregiver now or who was one in the past.
http://www.griefincommon.com/blog/caring-loved-one-letter-every-caregiver-write/
I recently read a post online about the second guessing caregivers do regarding the care that they give or gave to their loved ones. They tend to engage in the "should haves" and "if onlys" of situations that are out of their control. The post I mentioned earlier in this paragraph talks about some of these very things and suggests that the caregiver write a letter to themselves reminding themselves of the truths of their care-giving situation. The link to this post is below. Just click on the link below to read it. It is a good article for anyone who is a caregiver now or who was one in the past.
http://www.griefincommon.com/blog/caring-loved-one-letter-every-caregiver-write/
Sunday, April 16, 2017
Easter's Meaning for the Caregiver
(I am re-posting a post I wrote before at Easter.)
We are celebrating Easter today. What does Easter mean to you, dear Christian caregiver? How does it relate to family care-giving?
Easter means that the Lord Jesus came to this earth and lived a perfect life for you and me. He later died on the cross to pay the price for our sins, and then He arose again on the third day to prove that He had won over sin and death and Satan. If you and I have accepted his gift of salvation by repentance and faith, we are His child now and for eternity.
Easter also means that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, identifies with your pain and the pain of your loved one, dear caregiver. As you struggle to help your loved one who is perhaps fighting against an incurable disease, He identifies with you. Having suffered the worst possible pain for us on the cross He is able to sympathize with our heartaches and weaknesses. He is also an all powerful Savior to whom we can freely go for grace in our moments of sadness and overwhelming and crushing needs. Check out Hebrews 4:15-16 in the New Testament.
Because of Easter and Christ's sacrifice you can freely approach God the Father Himself with your and your loved one's needs, dear Christian caregiver. You can cry out to Him for help and call Him your “Abba Father,” because He considers you His special child. (Romans 8:15) Easter also means that when your heart is so weighed down with the heartaches and overwhelming circumstances of family care-giving that you do not even know how to pray, the Holy Spirit will intercede and pray for you! (Romans 8:26)
Easter for the caregiver means that although you will always face trials and troubles in this world, the Lord Jesus Christ has overcome the world. He is also your source of peace even in the most challenging of times. (John 16:33) Even in the overwhelming circumstances of family care-giving, even when we do not understand God's ways in allowing certain things in our lives, and even in the most unthinkable circumstances God is working for our ultimate good. We are victors in Him! (Romans 8:28)
Dear Christian caregiver, my hope for you would be that your loved one is healed on this earth. Whether he or she is healed on this earth or not, however, a child of God is whole and perfect upon entering heaven. No matter what happens in your care-giving situation you too, dear caregiver, will slowly heal emotionally and spiritually. God will always be with you, and joy will return one day. His love for you will never fail. He proved that love for you on the cross. That is the meaning of Easter for the caregiver and for all of us.
Easter means that the Lord Jesus came to this earth and lived a perfect life for you and me. He later died on the cross to pay the price for our sins, and then He arose again on the third day to prove that He had won over sin and death and Satan. If you and I have accepted his gift of salvation by repentance and faith, we are His child now and for eternity.
Easter also means that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, identifies with your pain and the pain of your loved one, dear caregiver. As you struggle to help your loved one who is perhaps fighting against an incurable disease, He identifies with you. Having suffered the worst possible pain for us on the cross He is able to sympathize with our heartaches and weaknesses. He is also an all powerful Savior to whom we can freely go for grace in our moments of sadness and overwhelming and crushing needs. Check out Hebrews 4:15-16 in the New Testament.
Because of Easter and Christ's sacrifice you can freely approach God the Father Himself with your and your loved one's needs, dear Christian caregiver. You can cry out to Him for help and call Him your “Abba Father,” because He considers you His special child. (Romans 8:15) Easter also means that when your heart is so weighed down with the heartaches and overwhelming circumstances of family care-giving that you do not even know how to pray, the Holy Spirit will intercede and pray for you! (Romans 8:26)
Easter for the caregiver means that although you will always face trials and troubles in this world, the Lord Jesus Christ has overcome the world. He is also your source of peace even in the most challenging of times. (John 16:33) Even in the overwhelming circumstances of family care-giving, even when we do not understand God's ways in allowing certain things in our lives, and even in the most unthinkable circumstances God is working for our ultimate good. We are victors in Him! (Romans 8:28)
Dear Christian caregiver, my hope for you would be that your loved one is healed on this earth. Whether he or she is healed on this earth or not, however, a child of God is whole and perfect upon entering heaven. No matter what happens in your care-giving situation you too, dear caregiver, will slowly heal emotionally and spiritually. God will always be with you, and joy will return one day. His love for you will never fail. He proved that love for you on the cross. That is the meaning of Easter for the caregiver and for all of us.
Saturday, April 8, 2017
The Caregiver and God's Presence
(This post is a chapter from my book: Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers. Information and links for ordering my book are at the bottom of this post as well as on the side of the blog page.)
When I was in the midst of care-giving for my husband I found great comfort in getting up early in the morning before my husband awakened and spending time in reading the Bible, reading caregiver devotionals, and spending time in prayer.
This time in the morning helped to remind me that my Lord was with me and present with me in my life each step of the way. Even now I find my morning devotional time so important to my emotional and spiritual well-being.
As I encountered the challenges of caring for my husband sometimes it was easy to get bogged down emotionally, however. This was especially true near the end of his disease when my husband could no longer help with transfers. It was easy in such moments to forget that God had promised in His Word to always be with me. It was easy to forget about His presence right beside me.
There is a story in the Bible in Luke 24 about two men who were walking along the road. Jesus had just risen from the grave, but these men did not believe that the happy resurrection event had occurred. As they were walking Jesus came along beside them and started talking with them. Later they sat down to a meal and began to eat with this “stranger” that they had met on the road. The Lord was right with them, but they did not recognize Him or His presence. Only later did their spiritual eyes open, and they recognized Jesus.
The same is true for us. The Lord God is right there with us, and so often we do not recognize His presence. As a caregiver the Lord was with me each step of the way. I can look back and see that with absolute certainty. Yet in the moment of caregiving there were times when it was difficult to see that.
Sometimes we are disappointed and feel overwhelmed when life does not go the way we hoped it would. I very much would have liked to have spent many years in happy retirement with my husband. Instead my husband was diagnosed with a terrible disease, and I was thrust into the difficult role as his caregiver. It is easy at times like these to forget the Lord God’s presence is right with us all the time. Sometimes we are so sad that we do not feel His presence or see His presence with our spiritual eyes.
That does not negate the truth that the Lord is always with us. I believe the Lord is especially with the caregiver who turns to Him and relies on Him. Dear caregiver, don’t miss the Lord’s presence right beside you. Pray that God will open your spiritual eyes so you can see and feel His presence.
(You can purchase my book online at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and elsewhere online. The amazon link to the order page for my book is here: https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Caregiver-Sharon-Vander-Waal/dp/1629524263/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1482027543&sr=1-1&keywords=Dear+Caregiver If you would prefer to get a signed copy from me directly e-mail me at jesuschild54@hotmail,com for specifics.
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