Sunday, September 27, 2015

The Losses of Care-giving

If your loved one has suffered with a terminal disease or with a disease which has caused a severe disability, your loved one has experienced serious losses in his or her life.  You as his or her caregiver have also suffered serious losses. You have most likely suffered the loss of a relationship as it once existed and the loss of time doing fun things together with your loved one.  Dear Christian caregiver, those losses can really hurt. I think the loss or change in a relationship that one once had with one’s love one is the most difficult of all losses. 

You have also suffered a loss of dreams for the future. As a caregiver you may have further lost the help of your ill loved one with duties around the house.  Finally because of the expenses of care-giving you may have lost possessions and financial security.
In September of 2009 I wrote about yet another loss.  This loss was the loss of my husband’s leadership in decision making due to his illness. I wrote the following words: 

I do weary of being responsible for so many decisions. When we bought a different vehicle this summer, I did all the talking and dealing. When there are telephone calls to be made or problems to be solved it is I who has to take charge. Soon we will have some major insurance issues to consider. That will be mainly my responsibility. We may have a chance to move from our apartment to a condo. There is a condo in our price range available, but all the things to think about in regards to such a possibility are a bit overwhelming.
I love the good times my husband and I still have together, but I miss the way things used to be. I miss the times when my husband took more responsibility for these type things and decisions. I miss the person my husband used to be.”
The losses and the stresses of care-giving can be overwhelming at times. Always remember that the Lord God is with you in the losses, dear Christian caregiver. His plans for your future are also good. He can turn the chaos and heartaches of care-giving into something beautiful in your character and in your future. Rest in Him.  

(This blog post can be found as a meditation in my book: Dear Caregiver (subtitled Reflections for Family Caregivers.) My book can be ordered at Xulon, my publisher and also at Amazon and Barnes and Noble online. The amazon link is here: If you want a copy directly from me e-mail me at for details.)


  1. I enjoyed this blog and your article in Guideposts. You articulate the challenges of caregiving quite clearly!

  2. Thank you, for your kind comments, Teena. I appreciate it so much.

  3. I cried my way through your guideposts article and found my way to your website. It has been a year since my father passed away, whom I helped care for at home for six years. You articulated so many of the feelings I experience that only another caregiver can know and understand. Especially the feeling of "missing" the caregiving that you should feel relieved of. But for me, having someone depend on me, meeting his needs, and serving my dear father was fulfilling - even though it was exhausting and stressful. Anyway, I could go on and on but thank you for your article and your website. I wish I had found it sooner!

  4. Thank you, for your kind comments, Beth! Thank you also for all that you did for your dad. It was noble work. Bless you for all you did!