(This post is from yet another chapter from my book, Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers.)
Dear family caregiver, have you ever said to yourself, “This is too much for me! I can not handle the stress and emotional burdens of care-giving one more day!” I know I thought those thoughts when I was a caregiver.
One day in the middle of July of 2010, I was feeling pretty despondent. I was seeing yet again some serious declines in my husband’s health. I had been led to believe the life expectancy after diagnosis of his rare neurological disease was six to ten years. Wayne’s declines were coming so fast, however, that I felt as if I was always a step behind in keeping up with them. As it turned out, Wayne only lived about four and a half years after diagnosis and about five and half months after that discouraging day in July of 2010.
On that day in mid July I found myself having a good cry. At that time I hardly ever cried, because I felt I had to stay so strong all the time. So this was a bit rare for me then. First of all, Wayne had been spending a lot of his time sleeping away his days. Then we had experienced some rather difficult transfers from his wheelchair to the bathroom and back to his wheelchair the day before. I also had recently received some other discouraging news. I was feeling like I could not do this anymore. I was feeling as if it was all too much for me.
Soon after that, I received a card in the mail from my son's family from Iowa. The front of the card read like this, “Nothing that comes your way is too much for you. No matter what it is, God is more than equal to it—you’re not, but He is and He lives in you.” Wow! Talk about a message from God just when I really needed it. Inside the card was written a personal message thanking me for all that I did for Wayne, my son’s Dad.
Earlier in that same week I had placed an ad in our local village ad paper for care-giving help for an hour once or twice a week in the evenings to get my husband to the bathroom and into bed. I thought I would be doing good if I received just one reply. Yet that paper came out that same day, and I received 5 replies! I was able to set up with one of these woman who responded to come in twice a week and later three times a week for an hour each at bedtime. The rates also were very reasonable. So that was another spirit lifter that day. This lady helped me the last months of my husband’s life. Also at the very end my local son was also able to step up and help me.
Those care-giving years especially the last months were very difficult and emotionally and physically challenging, but God was with me each step of the way. He paved the way. He will pave the way for you also, dear Christian caregiver.
Saturday, October 21, 2017
Sunday, October 15, 2017
Replace
(The post below is also a chapter from my book Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers. Consider ordering a copy for yourself or someone you love. Also check out Matthew 11:28-30 in the Bible.)
The emotional burdens that accompany caring for loved one can be heavy at times. This is especially true, if the loved one has a terminal illness. Turning to the Lord is really the only resource for these kind of emotional burdens. On July 12, 2010 in the midst of my days caring for my husband I wrote the following:
“I am seeking this month to replace carrying around my emotional burdens with consciously seeking to release them to God in prayer. Every time a negative emotion comes up and they have continued to come up, I have resolved to take a deep breath and release it or give it to God. Like one releases a balloon I want to continually release these feelings to God.
I am serious enough about this that I have even made a visual of this with my computer print program. My picture is of a kite floating in the air and also of a hot air balloon. I also have the names of emotionally negative feelings I want released from my life. So how well am I doing? I think it is helpful to have this resolve and word picture in my mind. I am consciously trying to release the negative emotions as they come up. I also realize, however that this will be a continual battle, because the negative emotions come up so easily and without warning.
When I think too frequently about how far down my husband has declined in the last four years it is still easy to become sad. When I think about his latest transition downward, so that he requires my help every time he needs to use the bathroom and all the ramifications of that, it is easy to feel discouraged. When my husband’s spends many hours some days sleeping it is easy to feel lonely, trapped, and frustrated. When I wonder how long I can take care of him before he needs to go to a nursing home, I feel frightened and a host of other emotions. Care-giving is demanding enough, however, without carrying around the extra negative emotions. Moreover my God wants me to release them to Him. He wants me to trust Him
As I think about my picture I wonder if the kite or the hot air balloon is a better picture. It would seem the hot air balloon is a better word picture. With the kite I am still hanging on to the string trying to maintain control. Perhaps both are good word pictures. There are things I can and must do as an instrument in God’s hands in regards to my husband’s health care. Negative emotions and things beyond my control have to be completely released, however.
There are still many negative emotions and sad moments, but I am fighting the fight. I am seeking to release. I call that victory moment by moment. I call that falling down and then getting up again. I call that being a weak human with supernatural help from above, if I just avail myself of it."
Dear Christian Caregiver, What emotional burden can you release today? With what can you replace that emotion? Give it to the Lord, dear caregiver.
The emotional burdens that accompany caring for loved one can be heavy at times. This is especially true, if the loved one has a terminal illness. Turning to the Lord is really the only resource for these kind of emotional burdens. On July 12, 2010 in the midst of my days caring for my husband I wrote the following:
“I am seeking this month to replace carrying around my emotional burdens with consciously seeking to release them to God in prayer. Every time a negative emotion comes up and they have continued to come up, I have resolved to take a deep breath and release it or give it to God. Like one releases a balloon I want to continually release these feelings to God.
I am serious enough about this that I have even made a visual of this with my computer print program. My picture is of a kite floating in the air and also of a hot air balloon. I also have the names of emotionally negative feelings I want released from my life. So how well am I doing? I think it is helpful to have this resolve and word picture in my mind. I am consciously trying to release the negative emotions as they come up. I also realize, however that this will be a continual battle, because the negative emotions come up so easily and without warning.
When I think too frequently about how far down my husband has declined in the last four years it is still easy to become sad. When I think about his latest transition downward, so that he requires my help every time he needs to use the bathroom and all the ramifications of that, it is easy to feel discouraged. When my husband’s spends many hours some days sleeping it is easy to feel lonely, trapped, and frustrated. When I wonder how long I can take care of him before he needs to go to a nursing home, I feel frightened and a host of other emotions. Care-giving is demanding enough, however, without carrying around the extra negative emotions. Moreover my God wants me to release them to Him. He wants me to trust Him
As I think about my picture I wonder if the kite or the hot air balloon is a better picture. It would seem the hot air balloon is a better word picture. With the kite I am still hanging on to the string trying to maintain control. Perhaps both are good word pictures. There are things I can and must do as an instrument in God’s hands in regards to my husband’s health care. Negative emotions and things beyond my control have to be completely released, however.
There are still many negative emotions and sad moments, but I am fighting the fight. I am seeking to release. I call that victory moment by moment. I call that falling down and then getting up again. I call that being a weak human with supernatural help from above, if I just avail myself of it."
Dear Christian Caregiver, What emotional burden can you release today? With what can you replace that emotion? Give it to the Lord, dear caregiver.
Sunday, October 1, 2017
Comfort in Life's Changes
As human beings we tend to not like change. Changes, adjustments, and challenges tend to fatigue us and also make us a bit fearful of what the future holds. I remember feeling that way when I was my husband's caregiver. I was afraid when we received his original diagnosis. It made me anxious, as I saw his body continually become more and more disabled step by step.
I still do not like changes in other areas of my life. One thing of which we can be certain, however, is that the Lord promises to be with us and draw us closer to Himself in all the changes. He was with me during those difficult care-giving days, and He will be with you as well, dear caregiver. He will also be with you and I in other major life changes in our lives be they pleasant or challenging.
Sometime back I ran across an online article about facing unexpected changes in our lives. The author of this article wrote that she had thought she was prepared for any change that life might present, because her husband and her had served overseas as missionaries. That missionary life had caused them to encounter many challenges and unknowns. Yet when her husband was later diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease she found she was not as prepared, as she thought she would be. She had to turn again to the Lord and to Scripture to get her through those challenging days.
Below is a link to that article and the Scripture passages she found comforting during that time. May they prove a blessing to you as well, dear caregiver. May they also draw you closer to the Lord. Just click on the link below.
https://www.dayspring.com/articles/4-scriptures-to-help-with-big-life-changes?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20160814+4+Scriptures+to+Help+
You also may find some Scripture verses from Isaiah 46 to be a comfort and strength to you in the uncertainties of care-giving, dear caregiver. Forgive me for once again linking you to a post at another blog of mine. I hope this too proves to be a blessing to you. Just click on the link below.
http://scripturemoments.blogspot.com/2017/09/isaiah-46.html
Once again, thank you for all that you do for your loved one dear caregiver. You are doing noble work in God's kingdom!
(There will be no new blog post next week, as I plan to be away from my computer. Next post should be on or around October 15.)
I still do not like changes in other areas of my life. One thing of which we can be certain, however, is that the Lord promises to be with us and draw us closer to Himself in all the changes. He was with me during those difficult care-giving days, and He will be with you as well, dear caregiver. He will also be with you and I in other major life changes in our lives be they pleasant or challenging.
Sometime back I ran across an online article about facing unexpected changes in our lives. The author of this article wrote that she had thought she was prepared for any change that life might present, because her husband and her had served overseas as missionaries. That missionary life had caused them to encounter many challenges and unknowns. Yet when her husband was later diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease she found she was not as prepared, as she thought she would be. She had to turn again to the Lord and to Scripture to get her through those challenging days.
Below is a link to that article and the Scripture passages she found comforting during that time. May they prove a blessing to you as well, dear caregiver. May they also draw you closer to the Lord. Just click on the link below.
https://www.dayspring.com/articles/4-scriptures-to-help-with-big-life-changes?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20160814+4+Scriptures+to+Help+
You also may find some Scripture verses from Isaiah 46 to be a comfort and strength to you in the uncertainties of care-giving, dear caregiver. Forgive me for once again linking you to a post at another blog of mine. I hope this too proves to be a blessing to you. Just click on the link below.
http://scripturemoments.blogspot.com/2017/09/isaiah-46.html
Once again, thank you for all that you do for your loved one dear caregiver. You are doing noble work in God's kingdom!
(There will be no new blog post next week, as I plan to be away from my computer. Next post should be on or around October 15.)
Sunday, September 24, 2017
Fiery Arrows
(Today's post is another chapter from my book, Dear Caregiver Reflections For Family Caregivers.)
As a caregiver do you ever feel as if you are being bombarded by the “fiery arrows” of negative emotions? (Ephesians 6:16) Negative emotions can so easily spring up in the midst of care-giving chaos and heartache.
On June 9, 2009 while caring for my husband, Wayne, I wrote the following words:
“It is so easy to allow myself to get bogged down with discouragement, impatience, and sometimes anger. I realize I need to fight those “fiery arrows.” There is still so much for which to be thankful. I need to concentrate on that.”
Then on June 23, 2009 I journaled the following words:
"The future is unknown and feels scary for Wayne and I, but I do know the Lord who holds the future. I need to focus on that and on the fact that I know my Lord will always be with me.”
One way caregivers can fight the “fiery arrows” of negative emotions is by remembering the good things that still are present in their lives. Care-giving can be physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining. There always are blessings in one’s life, however. We need to look for them and be grateful for them. We also need to look for the wonders of God’s working and guidance in our lives. If we look for these things we will find them. If we look for these things it will also help to soothe the negative emotions.
Caring for someone with a terminal or serious disease can be frightening at times. This is because the future is so uncertain. Hence, fear and other negative emotions can quickly surface. It is wise to take it one day at a time and one step at a time. It is also wise to leave the future in the hands of the Lord. Caregivers tend to be great advocates for their loved ones. In the end, however, caregivers need to remember that they are not in control. God alone holds their futures and the futures of their loved ones. In the measure caregivers can rest in the Lord’s care the negative emotions will be soothed.
As a caregiver for my husband I found that fighting the “fiery arrows” of negative emotions was a constant struggle. If it were not for my faith, I would have not been able to persevere. My faith and knowing that God was in control made all the difference. The promises of God’s Word that He would always be with me soothed my fears and other negative emotions. Finally the weapon of prayer and looking for God’s working in my life was a big help in fighting those “fiery arrows.“
Dear Christian Caregiver, remember that emotions negative or otherwise are just feelings. Feelings are not necessarily based on truth. Only God’s Word and resting on your faith in God is the source of truth. Look for the blessings in your life, and rest in His truth.
As a caregiver do you ever feel as if you are being bombarded by the “fiery arrows” of negative emotions? (Ephesians 6:16) Negative emotions can so easily spring up in the midst of care-giving chaos and heartache.
On June 9, 2009 while caring for my husband, Wayne, I wrote the following words:
“It is so easy to allow myself to get bogged down with discouragement, impatience, and sometimes anger. I realize I need to fight those “fiery arrows.” There is still so much for which to be thankful. I need to concentrate on that.”
Then on June 23, 2009 I journaled the following words:
"The future is unknown and feels scary for Wayne and I, but I do know the Lord who holds the future. I need to focus on that and on the fact that I know my Lord will always be with me.”
One way caregivers can fight the “fiery arrows” of negative emotions is by remembering the good things that still are present in their lives. Care-giving can be physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining. There always are blessings in one’s life, however. We need to look for them and be grateful for them. We also need to look for the wonders of God’s working and guidance in our lives. If we look for these things we will find them. If we look for these things it will also help to soothe the negative emotions.
Caring for someone with a terminal or serious disease can be frightening at times. This is because the future is so uncertain. Hence, fear and other negative emotions can quickly surface. It is wise to take it one day at a time and one step at a time. It is also wise to leave the future in the hands of the Lord. Caregivers tend to be great advocates for their loved ones. In the end, however, caregivers need to remember that they are not in control. God alone holds their futures and the futures of their loved ones. In the measure caregivers can rest in the Lord’s care the negative emotions will be soothed.
As a caregiver for my husband I found that fighting the “fiery arrows” of negative emotions was a constant struggle. If it were not for my faith, I would have not been able to persevere. My faith and knowing that God was in control made all the difference. The promises of God’s Word that He would always be with me soothed my fears and other negative emotions. Finally the weapon of prayer and looking for God’s working in my life was a big help in fighting those “fiery arrows.“
Dear Christian Caregiver, remember that emotions negative or otherwise are just feelings. Feelings are not necessarily based on truth. Only God’s Word and resting on your faith in God is the source of truth. Look for the blessings in your life, and rest in His truth.
Sunday, September 17, 2017
Storms of Life All Around
We have heard much in the news of late about devastating hurricanes, massive fires, an earthquake and even another terrorist attack in London. I don't know about you, but hearing about these events and knowing the turmoil these things are bringing in people's lives makes me sad.
Personal storms in our lives can do the same. They can make us feel very sad and discouraged. A few days ago I was feeling very troubled about something. I was reminded that I needed to trust God in that situation. I needed to be quiet in that situation. I was reminded of Isaiah 30:15b which says, "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." The feelings have not all gone away, but being reminded of this helps me immensely. Then I ran across a song by Stephen Curtis Chapman which speaks about being quiet in the Lord. The link to that song is below if you would like to hear it. Just click on the link.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgaHaioAjyg
I remember also the struggles of being my husband's caregiver a few years back. I remember the discouragement of seeing my husband's body deteriorate step by step. I remember the sadness and the fear about not being able to provide for his needs in the days ahead. You may have similar feelings, dear caregiver. May the Scripture verse I quoted and song link about resting it with the Lord be a huge comfort to you, dear caregiver. God will always be faithful to you.
Another Scripture passage which is a huge comfort to me is found in the early verses of Isaiah 43. It speaks of God summoning us by name and being with us through all the rivers and fiery challenges of life. I wrote about that recently at another blog site of mine called Moments With God. The link for that is below. I hope you find this a comfort as well, dear caregiver. Thank you for all that you do for your loved one.
http://scripturemoments.blogspot.com/2017/09/isaiah-43_14.html
Personal storms in our lives can do the same. They can make us feel very sad and discouraged. A few days ago I was feeling very troubled about something. I was reminded that I needed to trust God in that situation. I needed to be quiet in that situation. I was reminded of Isaiah 30:15b which says, "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." The feelings have not all gone away, but being reminded of this helps me immensely. Then I ran across a song by Stephen Curtis Chapman which speaks about being quiet in the Lord. The link to that song is below if you would like to hear it. Just click on the link.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgaHaioAjyg
I remember also the struggles of being my husband's caregiver a few years back. I remember the discouragement of seeing my husband's body deteriorate step by step. I remember the sadness and the fear about not being able to provide for his needs in the days ahead. You may have similar feelings, dear caregiver. May the Scripture verse I quoted and song link about resting it with the Lord be a huge comfort to you, dear caregiver. God will always be faithful to you.
Another Scripture passage which is a huge comfort to me is found in the early verses of Isaiah 43. It speaks of God summoning us by name and being with us through all the rivers and fiery challenges of life. I wrote about that recently at another blog site of mine called Moments With God. The link for that is below. I hope you find this a comfort as well, dear caregiver. Thank you for all that you do for your loved one.
http://scripturemoments.blogspot.com/2017/09/isaiah-43_14.html
Sunday, September 10, 2017
Specific Scriptures on Care-giving?
Over a year ago I received this e-mail from someone, "You keep saying in your book that care-giving is a purpose filled calling. Can you give me specific Scriptures on that?' I replied that although there are no Scripture passages that use those exact words, Scripture does tell us that if we serve others and show love and compassion to others, we are doing it for the Lord Jesus Christ. This is shown in the Scripture passage about the sheep and goats in Matthew 25:34-40. I also gave her some Scripture passages which either commands or tells of the rewards of serving others.
Later someone showed me the link to an online post which addresses the question, "What does the Bible say about care-giving?". Below it the link to that post. I hope you find it a blessing. Thank you, dear caregiver, for all that you do!
https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-caregiving.html
Later someone showed me the link to an online post which addresses the question, "What does the Bible say about care-giving?". Below it the link to that post. I hope you find it a blessing. Thank you, dear caregiver, for all that you do!
https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-caregiving.html
Sunday, September 3, 2017
Words of Affirmation
(This post is a chapter from my book: Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers.)
Family care-giving demands huge sacrifices emotionally, spiritually, and physically from the caregiver. At the same time it is not often affirmed and recognized by society. Sometimes even the caregiver’s loved ones do not affirm or acknowledge the love sacrifices which are being made for them. They sometimes can not or do not do this, because they themselves are so overwhelmed with their disease. In the spring of 2009 in the midst of my husband’s neurological disease I wrote the following words:
“The other day I took one of those Facebook quizzes. I am never big on these quizzes, because they appear to be a bit of a hoax. The quiz I took this time, however, seemed to match my reality pretty closely. The name of the quiz was “What is Your Love Language?” It said my love language was words of affirmation.
Before my husband’s illness he would tell me I was beautiful, and he would often call me ‘his favorite wife.’ It became a standing source of teasing between us, because my reply would always be, ‘How many wives do you have?’ My husband was always good about giving loving cards on special occasions also. So much of that verbal affirmation is gone now. My husband’s speech is so poor that basic communication between us is difficult. I miss also the basic bouncing of ideas between us.
Yesterday at my husband’s suggestion we went out to eat. He so seldom wants to go anywhere let along suggest it, so I readily agreed. It was very windy, however, and so we took the wheelchair. By the time I had wrestled the wheelchair in and out of the trunk of the car, gone through the buffet line for my husband and then for myself, and then basically carried on a conversation with myself during lunch; I began to wonder if it was worth it. As I said, I miss the verbal exchange.
A day or so ago I read a devotional in my care-giving devotional book about the importance of God’s affirmation of His love for and delight in His children. Knowing this is a source of comfort to me more than knowing what I do in my care-giving role has a purpose and meaning. I need to feel affirmed as me not as my role as a caregiver."
Dear Christian caregiver, the world may not recognize what you do. Your loved one for whom you care may not always be able to recognize and acknowledge what you do. God, however, does see what you do for your loved one. You are doing noble work, dear caregiver. God also delights in you and loves you just as you are! (Check out Zephaniah 3:17 in the Old Testament of the Bible!)
Family care-giving demands huge sacrifices emotionally, spiritually, and physically from the caregiver. At the same time it is not often affirmed and recognized by society. Sometimes even the caregiver’s loved ones do not affirm or acknowledge the love sacrifices which are being made for them. They sometimes can not or do not do this, because they themselves are so overwhelmed with their disease. In the spring of 2009 in the midst of my husband’s neurological disease I wrote the following words:
“The other day I took one of those Facebook quizzes. I am never big on these quizzes, because they appear to be a bit of a hoax. The quiz I took this time, however, seemed to match my reality pretty closely. The name of the quiz was “What is Your Love Language?” It said my love language was words of affirmation.
Before my husband’s illness he would tell me I was beautiful, and he would often call me ‘his favorite wife.’ It became a standing source of teasing between us, because my reply would always be, ‘How many wives do you have?’ My husband was always good about giving loving cards on special occasions also. So much of that verbal affirmation is gone now. My husband’s speech is so poor that basic communication between us is difficult. I miss also the basic bouncing of ideas between us.
Yesterday at my husband’s suggestion we went out to eat. He so seldom wants to go anywhere let along suggest it, so I readily agreed. It was very windy, however, and so we took the wheelchair. By the time I had wrestled the wheelchair in and out of the trunk of the car, gone through the buffet line for my husband and then for myself, and then basically carried on a conversation with myself during lunch; I began to wonder if it was worth it. As I said, I miss the verbal exchange.
A day or so ago I read a devotional in my care-giving devotional book about the importance of God’s affirmation of His love for and delight in His children. Knowing this is a source of comfort to me more than knowing what I do in my care-giving role has a purpose and meaning. I need to feel affirmed as me not as my role as a caregiver."
Dear Christian caregiver, the world may not recognize what you do. Your loved one for whom you care may not always be able to recognize and acknowledge what you do. God, however, does see what you do for your loved one. You are doing noble work, dear caregiver. God also delights in you and loves you just as you are! (Check out Zephaniah 3:17 in the Old Testament of the Bible!)
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