It was August 24, 2010. It was my birthday. Family was over to celebrate that night. Earlier in the day we had received a mobility chair for Wayne, my husband. It was perhaps a sign of things to come. Wayne’s declines came fast and furious in the next four months, and the emotional anguish and stress proved heavy during that time.
Something else happened on the memorable day in August, however. One of my family members called to me to come outside to look at a beautiful rainbow that had appeared in the sky. That rainbow was indeed awesome! I had not ever remembered seeing such a beautiful and full rainbow across the whole sky like that rainbow.
That rainbow that day felt like a special birthday present to me from God Himself. It was a reminder to me of the faithfulness of my God, a God who said to me and continues to say to me, “Never will I leave you never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5b in the Bible)
God has indeed proven Himself faithful in those months since that August day in 2010. The next few months in 2010 as I have alluded to before were very stressful and discouraging as my husband’s health deteriorated at an alarming rate. God provided strength and resources all along the way, however. Wayne entered heaven on January 2, 2011. He was free from the body in which he had been trapped and could now enjoy the Lord’s presence forever. For me it was the beginning of a difficult grief journey. Through it all, however, the Lord has taught me so much about His faithfulness and my need to be dependent on Him. It has also deepened my relationship with Him and made me a more compassionate person. I do not know if there will be another rainbow on my birthday this year, but I do know that my Lord will always be faithful to me.
Dear Christian caregiver, God never promises to give us a life without problems and trials. Caregiving for someone with a serious illness is one of life’s deepest trials. I know this is true, because I walked that path. God, however, has promised to walk with us through life’s heartaches. He has promised to be faithful. Look for His wonders, dear caregiver. Rest in His faithfulness.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
Remember the Love
One day in August of 2010 a few months before my husband’s death and in the midst of the chaos of caregiving I was having a good day. The weather was beautiful and free of all the heat and humidity we had been experiencing. Secondly, my husband was having a good day, and he had experienced a good therapy session. Finally, I had just finished reading some letters that my husband, Wayne, and I had written to each other in 1970 and 1971 before we were married.
Wayne and I met and dated from April of 1970 to the end of the school year, and then we dated again in the next school year until our marriage on July 30, 1971 (I was a teacher then). I went home to my parent’s house during the summers. He also went to summer camp for the Army Reserves both summers. The first summer I also spent 6 weeks involved in a summer mission program, and the second summer I was at my parent’s home preparing for our wedding in my home town and state while he was getting things squared away in WI for our first home.
On that particular August day I was inspired to read our love letters which we had written to each other those two summers when we were separated while dating. It proved a real joy to me to reread those letters that day, and I found myself smiling often.
Those letters reminded me that the first summer Wayne was more sure of his feelings for me than I was for him. I knew I liked him, but I needed to be sure about love and marriage. The next summer when we were corresponding we were engaged, and both of us were sure of our love for each other. It was fun to reread about our young love.
I thought that rereading these old letters might make me feel a little sad thinking back to those days and comparing it with the life we were now living dealing with Wayne’s neurological condition. I guess it did a little. We had matured so much since those early days, however, and I was glad for that growth in maturity. I actually probably felt more sad about no longer being able to do some of the fun things we had done together during our “empty nest” years.
So reading those letters put a smile on my face that day. It reminded me of what was, and it reminded me of the beginning of our love. I love reading inspirational romance books (Christian romance books) as a way to relax. Reading these letters was a little like that except it was my story. That day I had a smile on my face.
Dear Christian caregiver, terminal disease can change a relationship with a caregiver and his or loved ones who are ill. Take time often to remember the love that was and still exists. It will lighten the load.
Wayne and I met and dated from April of 1970 to the end of the school year, and then we dated again in the next school year until our marriage on July 30, 1971 (I was a teacher then). I went home to my parent’s house during the summers. He also went to summer camp for the Army Reserves both summers. The first summer I also spent 6 weeks involved in a summer mission program, and the second summer I was at my parent’s home preparing for our wedding in my home town and state while he was getting things squared away in WI for our first home.
On that particular August day I was inspired to read our love letters which we had written to each other those two summers when we were separated while dating. It proved a real joy to me to reread those letters that day, and I found myself smiling often.
Those letters reminded me that the first summer Wayne was more sure of his feelings for me than I was for him. I knew I liked him, but I needed to be sure about love and marriage. The next summer when we were corresponding we were engaged, and both of us were sure of our love for each other. It was fun to reread about our young love.
I thought that rereading these old letters might make me feel a little sad thinking back to those days and comparing it with the life we were now living dealing with Wayne’s neurological condition. I guess it did a little. We had matured so much since those early days, however, and I was glad for that growth in maturity. I actually probably felt more sad about no longer being able to do some of the fun things we had done together during our “empty nest” years.
So reading those letters put a smile on my face that day. It reminded me of what was, and it reminded me of the beginning of our love. I love reading inspirational romance books (Christian romance books) as a way to relax. Reading these letters was a little like that except it was my story. That day I had a smile on my face.
Dear Christian caregiver, terminal disease can change a relationship with a caregiver and his or loved ones who are ill. Take time often to remember the love that was and still exists. It will lighten the load.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Heartaches and Hope
I was a caregiver for my husband, Wayne, for four and a half years. As I have mentioned before he had a devastating and fast moving rare neurological disease called multiple systems atrophy type c. The last couple years of his life in particular were very difficult.
Through various points in his illness we tried physical therapy. This would seem to help for awhile on a limited basis, but the illness was so powerful that it finally won the battle. Also often while we would be doing therapy Wayne would seem to perk up initially that day, but then he would be so wiped out that all he would do the next day was sleep . Often the transfers were also especially difficult the next day.
In August of 2010 I wrote the following: “So has our life been reduced to therapy three time a week and sleep days in between to recover? It gets a little discouraging. I am trying to remember the blessings tonight, and there are many. I can’t help but feel a little discouraged tonight, however. I don’t think I could handle this, if I did not have my Lord on my side and holding my future. I know there is purpose in all this even though it is sometimes hard to see”
Transfers were also often difficult on other days. He might have a relatively good day one day and a very difficult day the next. One day in August of 2010 I also wrote the following: “I tried to get him to transfer to his recliner chair which is much safer, as it goes way back. Well, that was an ordeal! When he gets really tired, he does not respond to gentle prompts, and I basically had to drag him into the recliner chair. I was afraid he might slip on to the floor. After I got him into the recliner he slept a couple hours plus and was a little better tonight, but he was still spacey.”
About a year and a half before Wayne’s death I also had to begin to thicken Wayne’s liquids. We discovered that Wayne now had to have all of his liquids thickened to nectar consistency to help prevent things from slipping down too fast and getting into his wind pipe and/or lungs. Wayne’s problem was not that he couldn’t swallow, but that liquids sometimes went down too quickly before the flap closed to his wind pipe.
My husband at one time loved to work on the computer. Hoping it would help him I bought a big keys keyboard, but even that did not help him. The disease slowly robbed him of everything he had loved in the past.
When one has a disability and disease like my husband had it changes everything. This was especially clear to me on our last wedding anniversary together. Past years we would have tried to go somewhere special to eat for our anniversary. That year I ordered at a fast food place, and we ate in the car. Because of my husband’s issues and so I can get some sleep, we also each went to our separate beds that night. So our anniversary seemed somewhat symbolic of what was now so different in our relationship. We both loved each other, but it seemed so different from the husband-wife relationship we had once enjoyed.
Yes, there were moments of enjoyment yet during those years. We enjoyed spending time with our children and our grandchildren. We also enjoyed a couple long weekend trips with my siblings, but even those moments were overshadowed to some extent with his disability. These experiences were a wonderful reprieve, but when one returned home reality set in again with full force. There were so many issues with Wayne’s disease that made life a constant struggle.
Living those caregiving years was very difficult. Remembering them also is difficult. Through all the heartache, however, I learned that my hope and help could only be found in the Lord. He was and is a faithful God. Whatever your heartaches turn to the Lord, dear caregiver.
Through various points in his illness we tried physical therapy. This would seem to help for awhile on a limited basis, but the illness was so powerful that it finally won the battle. Also often while we would be doing therapy Wayne would seem to perk up initially that day, but then he would be so wiped out that all he would do the next day was sleep . Often the transfers were also especially difficult the next day.
In August of 2010 I wrote the following: “So has our life been reduced to therapy three time a week and sleep days in between to recover? It gets a little discouraging. I am trying to remember the blessings tonight, and there are many. I can’t help but feel a little discouraged tonight, however. I don’t think I could handle this, if I did not have my Lord on my side and holding my future. I know there is purpose in all this even though it is sometimes hard to see”
Transfers were also often difficult on other days. He might have a relatively good day one day and a very difficult day the next. One day in August of 2010 I also wrote the following: “I tried to get him to transfer to his recliner chair which is much safer, as it goes way back. Well, that was an ordeal! When he gets really tired, he does not respond to gentle prompts, and I basically had to drag him into the recliner chair. I was afraid he might slip on to the floor. After I got him into the recliner he slept a couple hours plus and was a little better tonight, but he was still spacey.”
About a year and a half before Wayne’s death I also had to begin to thicken Wayne’s liquids. We discovered that Wayne now had to have all of his liquids thickened to nectar consistency to help prevent things from slipping down too fast and getting into his wind pipe and/or lungs. Wayne’s problem was not that he couldn’t swallow, but that liquids sometimes went down too quickly before the flap closed to his wind pipe.
My husband at one time loved to work on the computer. Hoping it would help him I bought a big keys keyboard, but even that did not help him. The disease slowly robbed him of everything he had loved in the past.
When one has a disability and disease like my husband had it changes everything. This was especially clear to me on our last wedding anniversary together. Past years we would have tried to go somewhere special to eat for our anniversary. That year I ordered at a fast food place, and we ate in the car. Because of my husband’s issues and so I can get some sleep, we also each went to our separate beds that night. So our anniversary seemed somewhat symbolic of what was now so different in our relationship. We both loved each other, but it seemed so different from the husband-wife relationship we had once enjoyed.
Yes, there were moments of enjoyment yet during those years. We enjoyed spending time with our children and our grandchildren. We also enjoyed a couple long weekend trips with my siblings, but even those moments were overshadowed to some extent with his disability. These experiences were a wonderful reprieve, but when one returned home reality set in again with full force. There were so many issues with Wayne’s disease that made life a constant struggle.
Living those caregiving years was very difficult. Remembering them also is difficult. Through all the heartache, however, I learned that my hope and help could only be found in the Lord. He was and is a faithful God. Whatever your heartaches turn to the Lord, dear caregiver.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Other Life Lessons Taught by Caregiving
In my last post we talked about some of the life lessons taught by caregiving. There are so many lessons a caregiver can learn through his or her experience with caregiving that it can not be contained in just one entry. I am sure we could fill many posts talking about life lessons learned while being a caregiver.
Caregiving by its nature teaches what is important and what is not important. It teaches that frivolous material things are NOT important. Family and relationships ARE important. As a caregiver I also was reminded that my treasures did not lie in earthly things but it heavenly things. My faith in my Lord God and my relationship with Him was and is alone of supreme value. Caregiving because of its challenges and sometimes heartaches further often tested my beliefs between what I said I believed and what I really believed in regards to my faith in my Lord.
Caregiving also teaches us that knowing the “why” of why our loved ones became ill would not take away the emotional pain of watching our loved ones suffer through the effects of their illnesses. Some things are just too difficult for our human minds to understand, and some things just have to be left in God’s hands.
Another important truth learned from caregiving is that God is good. Circumstances may be bad, but God is good. God is the very definition and essence of goodness. He proved that by sending His son on the cross. Thus He can help and guide caregivers who are struggling to make their way through the maze of making impossible and confusing decisions about their loves one’s care. He can help caregivers who are struggling to keep emotional and spiritual equilibrium in the midst of the heartaches of seeing their loved ones decline in their health.
Caregiving further teaches that joy can coexist in the midst of the heartaches and grief that often accompany caregiving. This is because joy is not based on circumstances which are favorable or perfect. Rather it is based on a relationship with the Lord.
Finally caregiving teaches that God is sovereign and in control. Nothing happens to a Christian caregiver or his or her loved one that is not filtered through His love. This is true even in the heartbreaking events which often accompany caregiving. This is a hard truth to accept. When this truth is accepted, however, it a soft place to land when overwhelmed with caregiving difficulties or life’s difficulties in general.
Today, July 30, 2012 would have been my husband’s and my 41rst wedding anniversary. Caregiving and watching my husband decline in his health and then his death in January of 2011 has been one of my life’s most difficult tests. Knowing I could trust that God loved me and was in control in the midst of the confusion and grief of it all made and continues to make all the difference in the world. Dear Christian Caregiver, never forget that the Lord loves you, and He is good. He is in control.
Caregiving by its nature teaches what is important and what is not important. It teaches that frivolous material things are NOT important. Family and relationships ARE important. As a caregiver I also was reminded that my treasures did not lie in earthly things but it heavenly things. My faith in my Lord God and my relationship with Him was and is alone of supreme value. Caregiving because of its challenges and sometimes heartaches further often tested my beliefs between what I said I believed and what I really believed in regards to my faith in my Lord.
Caregiving also teaches us that knowing the “why” of why our loved ones became ill would not take away the emotional pain of watching our loved ones suffer through the effects of their illnesses. Some things are just too difficult for our human minds to understand, and some things just have to be left in God’s hands.
Another important truth learned from caregiving is that God is good. Circumstances may be bad, but God is good. God is the very definition and essence of goodness. He proved that by sending His son on the cross. Thus He can help and guide caregivers who are struggling to make their way through the maze of making impossible and confusing decisions about their loves one’s care. He can help caregivers who are struggling to keep emotional and spiritual equilibrium in the midst of the heartaches of seeing their loved ones decline in their health.
Caregiving further teaches that joy can coexist in the midst of the heartaches and grief that often accompany caregiving. This is because joy is not based on circumstances which are favorable or perfect. Rather it is based on a relationship with the Lord.
Finally caregiving teaches that God is sovereign and in control. Nothing happens to a Christian caregiver or his or her loved one that is not filtered through His love. This is true even in the heartbreaking events which often accompany caregiving. This is a hard truth to accept. When this truth is accepted, however, it a soft place to land when overwhelmed with caregiving difficulties or life’s difficulties in general.
Today, July 30, 2012 would have been my husband’s and my 41rst wedding anniversary. Caregiving and watching my husband decline in his health and then his death in January of 2011 has been one of my life’s most difficult tests. Knowing I could trust that God loved me and was in control in the midst of the confusion and grief of it all made and continues to make all the difference in the world. Dear Christian Caregiver, never forget that the Lord loves you, and He is good. He is in control.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Valuable Life Lessons Taught by Caregiving
Caregiving by its very nature tends to teach valuable life lessons. In many ways caregiving is a grief process for caregivers, as they see their loved ones continue to decline. Caregiving is a difficult process and experience. As a caregiver for my husband for over four and one half years I also found the caregiving experience to be a great teacher, however.
I think caregiving and its challenges teaches us that God uses even the difficulties and heartbreak of caregiving for ultimate good. Caregiving and life in general is often difficult. That comes from living on this earth. Yet we know that God does not waste our sorrows. When we think of Jesus dieing on the cross we know that eternal life came from that death on the cross. From something so awful as Christ’s crucifixion came the best thing that could possible happen namely our salvation. So very good things come from very bad things. The cross illustrates that to us. In the same way God brings ultimate good out of the heartbreak of caregiving. He uses caregiving to build our characters, draw us closer to Himself, and in a host of other ways. God never wastes our sorrows.
I think caregiving also teaches us that life is always out of our control. We live in a fallen world. Hence, seeking self-sufficiency is a terrible place to be. Delusions of strength and self-sufficiency will in fact hurt us. Caregivers are often great organizers and great advocates for the loved ones under their care, but they also soon realize that they are not sufficient in themselves. The job of caregiving is too big for them in their own strength. Realizing their need for their dependence on the Lord is essential. I know when I was a caregiver if I had not known that the Lord was with me, I would have folded under the pressure. Acknowledging one’s weakness and dependence on the Lord is a good thing. It is a valuable lesson to learn. Caregiving often teaches that lesson.
In the whole caregiving scenario it is good whenever possible to accept and enlist the help of other people also. This help could be emotional encouragement or physical help in the care of the caregiver’s loved one. Accepting or asking for help never comes naturally, but we must be humble enough to accept it. Hence, humility is often a lesson taught by the caregiving experience.
For a variety of reasons, however, sometimes others will let us down and not be there when we need them. That was surely my experience as a caregiver. The Lord, however, will never let us down or betray us. He really is the only One who can get into the caregiver’s head and understand all the emotions and heartaches that he or she is feeling. He alone is the One to whom we can go and pour out our hearts, and also allow Him to speak to us. The Christian caregiver can speak to the Lord all through the day at any moment. Caregiving and it’s difficulties allows the caregiver an opportunity to pray like never before. As I said before, I do not know what I would have done without the presence of the Lord in my life during those difficult caregiving years.
Finally, caregiving teaches the need for the promises of the Bible to sustain us. As a caregiver I found that it was essential to try to begin every day in God’s Word. God’s Word contains so many awesome promises of His care, guidance, and presence. Hence, I found the promises of the Bible comforting and necessary in my duties as a caregiver. Caregiving is so very emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining. Without the promises of God’s Word I do not think I could have survived my caregiving days. Dear Christian Caregiver, read God’s Word, study it, meditate on it, memorize it, and internalize it.
So dear Christian Caregiver, lean on the Lord and on His promises in the Bible, and trust that He will bring good out of the chaos of caregiving.
I think caregiving and its challenges teaches us that God uses even the difficulties and heartbreak of caregiving for ultimate good. Caregiving and life in general is often difficult. That comes from living on this earth. Yet we know that God does not waste our sorrows. When we think of Jesus dieing on the cross we know that eternal life came from that death on the cross. From something so awful as Christ’s crucifixion came the best thing that could possible happen namely our salvation. So very good things come from very bad things. The cross illustrates that to us. In the same way God brings ultimate good out of the heartbreak of caregiving. He uses caregiving to build our characters, draw us closer to Himself, and in a host of other ways. God never wastes our sorrows.
I think caregiving also teaches us that life is always out of our control. We live in a fallen world. Hence, seeking self-sufficiency is a terrible place to be. Delusions of strength and self-sufficiency will in fact hurt us. Caregivers are often great organizers and great advocates for the loved ones under their care, but they also soon realize that they are not sufficient in themselves. The job of caregiving is too big for them in their own strength. Realizing their need for their dependence on the Lord is essential. I know when I was a caregiver if I had not known that the Lord was with me, I would have folded under the pressure. Acknowledging one’s weakness and dependence on the Lord is a good thing. It is a valuable lesson to learn. Caregiving often teaches that lesson.
In the whole caregiving scenario it is good whenever possible to accept and enlist the help of other people also. This help could be emotional encouragement or physical help in the care of the caregiver’s loved one. Accepting or asking for help never comes naturally, but we must be humble enough to accept it. Hence, humility is often a lesson taught by the caregiving experience.
For a variety of reasons, however, sometimes others will let us down and not be there when we need them. That was surely my experience as a caregiver. The Lord, however, will never let us down or betray us. He really is the only One who can get into the caregiver’s head and understand all the emotions and heartaches that he or she is feeling. He alone is the One to whom we can go and pour out our hearts, and also allow Him to speak to us. The Christian caregiver can speak to the Lord all through the day at any moment. Caregiving and it’s difficulties allows the caregiver an opportunity to pray like never before. As I said before, I do not know what I would have done without the presence of the Lord in my life during those difficult caregiving years.
Finally, caregiving teaches the need for the promises of the Bible to sustain us. As a caregiver I found that it was essential to try to begin every day in God’s Word. God’s Word contains so many awesome promises of His care, guidance, and presence. Hence, I found the promises of the Bible comforting and necessary in my duties as a caregiver. Caregiving is so very emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining. Without the promises of God’s Word I do not think I could have survived my caregiving days. Dear Christian Caregiver, read God’s Word, study it, meditate on it, memorize it, and internalize it.
So dear Christian Caregiver, lean on the Lord and on His promises in the Bible, and trust that He will bring good out of the chaos of caregiving.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Too Much For Me?
Dear family caregiver, have you ever said to yourself, “This is too much for me! I can not handle the stress and emotional burdens of caregiving one more day!” I know I thought those thoughts when I was a caregiver.
One day in the middle of July of 2010 I was feeling pretty discouraged. I was seeing some more serious declines in my husband’s health. The life expectancy after diagnosis of his rare neurological disease (multiple systems atrophy type c) I had been led to believe was six to ten years. Wayne’s declines were coming so fast, however, that I felt as if I was always a step behind in keeping up with them As it turned out Wayne only lived about four and a half years after diagnosis and about five and half months after that discouraging day in July of 2010.
On that day in mid July I found myself having a good cry. At that time I hardly ever cried, because I felt I had to stay so strong all the time. So this was a bit rare for me then. First of all Wayne had been spending a lot of his time sleeping away his days. Then we had experienced some rather difficult transfers from his wheelchair to the bathroom and back to his wheelchair the day before. I also had recently received some other discouraging news. I was feeling like I could not do this anymore. I was feeling as if it was all too much for me.
How different one day can make. The next day or so I received a card in the mail from my son from IA family. The front of the card read like this, “Nothing that comes your way is too much for you. No matter what it is, God is more than equal to it—you’re not, but He is and He lives in you.” Wow! Talk about a message from God just when I really needed it. Inside the card was written a personal message thanking me for all that I did for Wayne, my son’s Dad.
Earlier in that same week I had placed an ad in our local village ad paper for caregiving help for an hour once or twice a week in the evenings to get my husband to the bathroom and into bed. I thought I would be doing good if I received just one reply. Well, that ad paper came out that same day, and I received 5 replies. I was able to set up with one of these woman who responded to come in twice a week and later three times a week for an hour each at bedtime. The rates also were very reasonable. So that was another spirit lifter that day. This lady helped me the last months of my husband’s life. Also at the very end my local son was also able to step up and help me.
Those caregiving years especially the last months were very difficult and emotionally and physically challenging, but God was with me each step of the way. He paved the way. He will pave the way for you also, dear Christian caregiver.
One day in the middle of July of 2010 I was feeling pretty discouraged. I was seeing some more serious declines in my husband’s health. The life expectancy after diagnosis of his rare neurological disease (multiple systems atrophy type c) I had been led to believe was six to ten years. Wayne’s declines were coming so fast, however, that I felt as if I was always a step behind in keeping up with them As it turned out Wayne only lived about four and a half years after diagnosis and about five and half months after that discouraging day in July of 2010.
On that day in mid July I found myself having a good cry. At that time I hardly ever cried, because I felt I had to stay so strong all the time. So this was a bit rare for me then. First of all Wayne had been spending a lot of his time sleeping away his days. Then we had experienced some rather difficult transfers from his wheelchair to the bathroom and back to his wheelchair the day before. I also had recently received some other discouraging news. I was feeling like I could not do this anymore. I was feeling as if it was all too much for me.
How different one day can make. The next day or so I received a card in the mail from my son from IA family. The front of the card read like this, “Nothing that comes your way is too much for you. No matter what it is, God is more than equal to it—you’re not, but He is and He lives in you.” Wow! Talk about a message from God just when I really needed it. Inside the card was written a personal message thanking me for all that I did for Wayne, my son’s Dad.
Earlier in that same week I had placed an ad in our local village ad paper for caregiving help for an hour once or twice a week in the evenings to get my husband to the bathroom and into bed. I thought I would be doing good if I received just one reply. Well, that ad paper came out that same day, and I received 5 replies. I was able to set up with one of these woman who responded to come in twice a week and later three times a week for an hour each at bedtime. The rates also were very reasonable. So that was another spirit lifter that day. This lady helped me the last months of my husband’s life. Also at the very end my local son was also able to step up and help me.
Those caregiving years especially the last months were very difficult and emotionally and physically challenging, but God was with me each step of the way. He paved the way. He will pave the way for you also, dear Christian caregiver.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Replace
The emotional burdens that accompany caring for loved one can be heavy at times. This is especially true, if the loved one has a terminal illness. Turning to the Lord is really the only resource for these kind of emotional burdens. On July 12, 2010 in the midst of my days caring for my husband I wrote the following:
“I am seeking this month to replace carrying around my emotional burdens with consciously seeking to release them to God in prayer. Every time a negative emotion comes up and they have continued to come up, I have resolved to take a deep breath and release it or give it to God. Like one releases a balloon I want to continually release these feelings to God.
I am serious enough about this that I have even made a visual of this with my computer print program. My picture is of a kite floating in the air and also of a hot air balloon. I also have the names of emotionally negative feelings I want released from my life. So how well am I doing? I think it is helpful to have this resolve and word picture in my mind. I am consciously trying to release the negative emotions as they come up. I also realize, however that this will be a continual battle, because the negative emotions come up so easily and without warning.
When I think too hard about how far down my husband has declined in the last four years it is still easy to become sad. When I think about his latest transition downward, so that he requires my help every time he needs to use the bathroom and all the ramifications of that, it is easy to feel discouraged. When my husband’s spends many hours some days sleeping it is easy to feel lonely, trapped, and frustrated. When I wonder how long I can take care of him before he needs to go to a nursing home, I feel frightened and a host of other emotions. Caregiving is demanding enough, however, without carrying around the extra negative emotions. Moreover my God wants me to release them to Him. He wants me to trust Him
When I think about my picture I wonder if the kite or the hot air balloon is a better picture. It would seem the hot air balloon is a better word picture. With the kite I am still hanging on to the string trying to maintain control. Perhaps both are good word pictures. There are things I can and must do as an instrument in God’s hands in regards to my husband’s health care. Negative emotions and things beyond my control have to be completely released, however. In that instance, the hot air balloon is a better illustration.
So again, how am I doing? There are still many negative emotions and sad moments, but I am fighting the fight. I am seeking to release. I call that victory moment by moment. I call that falling down and then getting up again. I call that being a weak human with supernatural help from above, if I just avail myself of it.
Matthew 11:28-30 in the Bible has become a favorite of mine. It says, ‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.' I have been given the burden of my husband’s disease, but my burden of the negative emotions that accompany that can become light. All I have to do is release them.”
Dear Christian Caregiver, What emotional burden can you release today? With what can you replace that emotion? Give it to the Lord, dear caregiver.
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