For Those Who Are Caring for Others

I think the picture below says it all.  Many of you are struggling with being a caregiver for a loved one.  In the best of times this can involve sacrifice and sometimes struggles.  Yet you continue to persevere, and you continue to love.  Care for a loved one must involve sincere love and a focus on honoring and glorifying God.  Otherwise, it may deteriorate to resentment at God and your loved one for whom you are caring, because of the struggles and burdens sometimes connected with family care-giving.   

Having said that take respite time whenever possible, dear caregiver.  Take a few minutes each day to recharge by spending time in God's Word and prayer.  Also spend some time doing things you enjoy each day. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually in the same way, as you care for your loved one.  Finally, ask people to pray for you and to help out when possible.  Thank you, dear caregiver, for all the love you show to your loved one in their time of need.  Thank you for all that you do! 

For Those Receiving Care From Others

 

About two years ago a friend on mine, who was a caregiver for her husband, Walt, until his death posted on her Facebook status.  What she wrote was very profound.  So I asked her at that time, if I could share her words on my blog.  I would like to share her words again this week on my blog post.  My friend addressed her words to those who are the recipients of care from someone else.  This is what my friend wrote:

"I am bringing this up because there are a few of my dear friends here who are struggling with guilt and feeling like a burden with having a family member or friend become their caregiver. When Walt was first diagnosed with his brain tumor, he turned to me and said. "I would not blame you if you left me...I don't want too.." I stopped him before he could finish. I told him to never go there again. I told him that I am here and he is here, and we are a team. We are going to walk this journey together each step of the way no matter how painful or difficult.

It was an honor to be the one to walk with him. It was an honor that he put all his trust in me when the time came for me to take over all his care. Please don't waste precious time feeling guilty or feeling like a burden to those who are caring for you. Take that time to tell the person who is by your side how much you love and appreciate them.

I have a letter from Walt that he had written to me while he was still able to write. In one part of the letter, he talked about how well I was taking care of him. This letter meant everything to me. After Walt died, I would often have thoughts that I did not do enough, or I could have done better....a lot of guilt. I would turn to Walt's letter and his words would tell me to stop thinking like that. If you are able to write or even record a message for the person who is caring for you..do so now. Just because you are being cared for doesn't mean that you can't care for others. You just may have to do it differently then you have before. God still has a purpose for you, so ask Him how you can help others while being helped."

The Lord's Answers to our Questioning

 

This week's blog post prayer is for those who are family caregivers for years on end or have found themselves a caregiver for a second or third time.  It is the caregiver's questions for the Lord and His answers in Scripture.

Dear Lord, why do I find myself in this position as family caregiver for so many years or once again?  If I have to undergo trials, why this one?  

Because, my child, I have planted you in this area of service for a purpose.  "Each one should use whatever gift he (or she) has received to serve others faithfully administrating God's grace.----If anyone serves, he (or she) should do it with the strength God provides. so that in all things God will be praised through Jesus Christ."  (I Peter 4:10-11)  Dear child of mine, I know what area of service and trial is best for your spiritual growth and for your love for Me to become more intimate and sweet.

But, Lord, I am so tired.  

My child, I have said, "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest..  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and my burden is light."  (Matthew 11:28-29)  Yoke yourself with Me, and I will carry the burden.  This involves surrender.  It involves resting in Me and not resisting, but the blessings are wonderful.  If you rest in Me, I will take your exhaustion and uncertainty and turn it into calm expectation.  

But Lord, aside from the tiredness, I also feel so weak and unqualified for this.

"You are My servant, I have chosen you---So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold with My righteous right hand."  (Isaiah 41:9b10)  I have also said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."  (Hebrews 13:5b)

Yes, Lord, but what about the heartache and less than pleasant moments of dealing with my loved one's illness?

I have said that I may allow grief at times, but I will also show compassion and My great love is unfailing.  (Lamentations 3:32)  "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart!  I have overcome the world."  (John 16:33)  Also I have promised to someday wipe away every tear. I have said that on that day when I return for you "there will be no death, or mourning or crying or pain."  (Revelation 21:4)

But, Lord, what about the huge personal cost and sacrifice this care-giving involves for me?

My child, I came to this earth from a beautiful place in Heaven with the Father.  I took on humanity, and I identified with my chosen people. I washed the disciples' feet as an example, and I died on the cruel cross for you. I, Jesus Christ, "being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped."  I emptied myself and made my self nothing "taking the very nature of a servant---and became obedient to death even death on a cross." (Philippians 2:8)  When you see what I did for you, your attitude should be the same as mine in your service to others.  "I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master---Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them."  (John 13:16-17)

How can I have joy and peace in the middle of difficult moments, Lord?  

"Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again; Rejoice!---The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God---" (Philippians 4:7)  Also think about things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent,  and praiseworthy.  "And the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:8-9)  

Blessings of August Past

Wednesday on August 24th it will be my birthday.  I am thankful for my Lord being with me and being faithful to me these 75 years in the valleys, mountaintop experiences, and in the in between times in my life.

I am reminded of another thing which happened eight years ago in August.  On that day my local newspaper published a story about my years as a caregiver for my first husband, Wayne.  That article talked about the struggles I experienced as a caregiver, but it also talked about how my faith helped me through that time in my life.  Finally, the newspaper article talked about my book to encourage family caregivers.  Here is the link to that newspaper article that was published eight years ago:  http://www.sheboyganpress.com/story/news/local/2014/08/26/caregiver/14628253/

I probably posted a link to that newspaper story eight years ago when it was just published, but I thought it was worth giving you the link to it again.  It gives a good rendering of my story (or rather the Lord's story) and portrays my passion to encourage family caregivers.

If you have not ordered my book, Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers, yet, you might want to consider ordering it for yourself or for someone you love.  It contains over 100 short chapters or meditations to encourage family caregivers.  My story is intertwined in the chapters as well.  Here is the link to the Amazon order page for my book:  https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Caregiver-Sharon-Vander-Waal/dp/1629524263/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1470784479&sr=1-1

It is also available elsewhere online as well.  Finally, you can get it directly from me by e-mailing me at jesuschild54@hotmail.com for specifics.

I know the challenges of family care-giving, dear caregiver, and I care about you.  Thank you for all that you do for your loved one!

He Identifies With Us

Jesus wept.  His friend, Lazarus, had died, and the shortest verse of the Bible says, "Jesus wept."  (John 11:35). Jesus knew that He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead.  Why then did He weep?  It may have been partly, because of the unbelief of the people.  I think it was also because Jesus was identifying with the grief of Mary and Martha, the sisters of Lazarus.  He felt and cared about their hurt.  He was perhaps also distressed that we experience things like sin, sickness, and death in this world.

Dane Ortlund says in his book, Gentle and Lowly, that the Lord Jesus is our intercessor and advocate.  He shares with us in our actual experiences, be they grief or joy.  He actually feels what we feels.  He weeps with us when we weep. He is also right beside us.  For those of us who are His children there is a solidarity between Him and us.  He defends our cause before the Father, be it sin or distress.  He can do this based on His own suffering and death.

When we understand all this, why do we still feel the need to self-advocate?  Why worry or fret?  Why not just run to the Lord with our heartaches?  We can always trust that He is with us and will never forsake us no matter how deep the trial.

Serving Where God Plants Us

Recently, God reminded me in my devotions of the need to be willing to serve where God plants or sends me.  This willingness can only come when I see my own unworthiness and sin and from seeing how much Christ went through on the cross to forgive me. It also comes from a humble heart and thankful heart and from seeing God's glory.  Where God places me may not always be to my liking and may involve sacrifice and even heartache at times.  It may mean working through my fears about what God has assigned me and trusting Him once again.  

The same is true for you, dear reader, be you a family caregiver or be you ill yourself with a serious illness.  It is also true if God is calling you to another difficult assignment.   Calling from God does not always mean being a pastor or missionary.  It may mean being His faithful servant in the day to day of life's pathways and trials which sometimes involves heartache and sacrifices but also joy in the Lord.

God has been with me in the past in what He has asked me to do and in where He has placed me in life.  He has done the same for you, dear Reader.  He will be with us in our future assignments and trials as well.   In July seven years ago, I had an interview about my caregiving years with Wayne, my first husband, and then my loss of him to death.  The following October an article appeared in Guideposts concerning that.  This is the link to the article:  https://www.guideposts.org/caregiving/hope-and-inspiration/stories-of-hope-for-caregivers/the-gift-of-caregiver-respite?fbclid=IwAR1T32aM7wsnReUG7otknamCb0dJWXtijAzfRHPxfgWCAR8PL0fiudPRpjc

Caregiver Tips

 

In my last blog post we discussed how stressful family care-giving can become.  It can affect the caregiver physically, emotionally and mentally.  If you did not read that last blog post and would like to read it now, click on the link below.  

https://christiancaregiving.blogspot.com/2022/07/caregiver-stress.html

In this week's blog post we are going to suggest some valuable tips for managing family caregiver stress.  These tips are  suggested by the Caring Bridge site online.  Since stress is often very real for a family caregiver, the caregiver often feels frustrated and exhausted.  Hopefully, these tips will be helpful.

These tips include eating right, getting enough sleep, and exercising.  These three things are so basic, but they are easy to neglect when taking care of someone else.  They are necessary to the well-being of both the caregiver and the person who needs care, however.  A caregiver cannot take care of someone else, if she or he is not taking care of herself or himself.

Other tips include completing small tasks one at a time to regain a sense of control when life become chaotic, taking quiet time for oneself, having a healthy dose of laughter and spending quality time with others whenever possible.  At the same time a caregiver need to know how to say, "no." to requests and outside responsibilities.  Family caregivers have enough on their plate.  They do not need to add other responsibilities to their "to do" list.

Family caregivers can further benefit from journaling.  When I was caring for my first husband I benefitted much from journaling and writing down my feelings as part of a support group online.  Also engaging in activities once enjoyed and finding relaxing things to do is so helpful to a family caregiver.  Even doing something like coloring has been found to be beneficial in calming stress.   (Yes, there are adult coloring books available out there for adults!)  It is so vital for a caregiver to not neglect his or her own medical needs as well and to also know when to ask for and accept help.  Caregivers need to take care of themselves in order to take care of others effectively!

Finally, a caregiver needs to take time for prayer, reading Scripture, and developing a relationship of dependence on the Lord,  This is the most important thing a family caregiver can do.  This is true not only for family caregivers but for all of us. We need to trust in the Lord, and leave our burdens at His feet.  We need to take one step at a time, trusting the Lord to lead us through the difficult and stressful moments.

Here are some caregiver assistance groups suggested by Caring Bridge:

AARP (1-888) 687-2277

Family Caregiver Alliance (1-800) 445-8106

Caregiver.com (954) 893-0550

Caregiver Action Network (202) 454 3970

Rosalyn Carter Institute for Caregiving (229) 928-1234

Well Spouse Association (1-800) 838-0879