His Strength

Caregivers and their loved ones have lost so much in this life, but the Lord has promised to be their strength and song when they reach out to Him.  They also know this life is not the end of their story or of the story of their loved ones.  They know eternity is in their futures. 

In the meantime, however, they sometimes struggle with getting up each day and meeting that day’s challenges.  They know that they do not have the strength on their own to face their overwhelming challenges, and they know their strength must come from the Lord.  They know they need the Lord desperately.   

Joni Eareckson Tada is a well-known person in Christian circles.  She became a quadriplegic many years ago as a result of a swimming diving accident.  She talks about having some of these same feelings when she wakes up in the morning.  She shares that she finds her strength only at the cross.  She further points out that she and we all desperately need the Lord to make it through the hardships (sufferings) of this life.   

Dear Christian caregiver, click on the link below.  Listen to Joni inspire you with the subject of hope and needs met.  It is less than five minutes long.  It will bless your heart and encourage you, however.  In fact, you may just find yourself (like me) coming back to it over and over again. 


http://www.joniandfriends.org/blog/joni-speaks-hope/

  

 

  

  

My Personal Care-giving Story

(In this blog post I am retelling my own personal care-giving story. I first told my care-giving story in my very first blog post at this site. I also tell my story in the introduction to my new book DEAR CAREGIVER subtitled Reflections for Family Caregivers. This is followed by over a one hundred mediations meant to encourage family caregivers.)

I was a caregiver for four and one half years to my husband who had a devastating neurological disease. Sadly, my husband died on January 2, 2011. Having been a caregiver myself I know that caregiving is a stressful and sometimes discouraging venture. It is my desire that my experiences during those four and a half years will not be wasted. It is my passion that I can perhaps identify with and help other family caregivers.

In 2006 my husband, Wayne and I had already weathered the challenges of raising a family including a few times of unemployment. The most recent time of unemployment had been in 2003 when Wayne’s company (for whom he had worked for 39 years) moved out of country. In April of 2006 Wayne had been again employed for over two years. In many ways we were enjoying our “empty nest” time of life.

Then in April of 2006 Wayne went into our family doctor for a routine check-up. It so happened that an intern doctor saw Wayne before our regular doctor came into the room. This intern noticed that my husband’s speech and his gait was not quite right. The upshot of all this was that an MRI was ordered for Wayne. The MRI showed deterioration or shrinking of his cerebellum. Wayne was then referred to a local neurologist and ultimately to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. We were at Mayo Clinic for over a week in late August of 2006, and we also returned to Mayo Clinic in October of that same year for a few days.

Mayo Clinic believed Wayne had a rare neurological disease called Multiple Systems Atrophy Type C. It has some Parkinson disease-type characteristics, but it moves faster. The prognosis is eventual total disability. Wayne’s disease affected his speech, balance, small motor skills, and a host of other involuntary body activities. Although he still ate well, later in the disease Wayne had to have his liquids thickened. This was to prevent those liquids from slipping down too quickly and going into his wind pipe.

In the midst of this came my own diagnosis of breast cancer in July of 2007 and my subsequent eight months of treatment to fight my cancer. I praise the Lord that as far as I know I am now cancer free. My care-giving role in many ways was a more difficult role than was the cancer victim role, however. The emotional feelings that surface with such care-giving can be intense at times. I missed and I mourned the way things used to be in my and Wayne’s relationship. Also the physical demands (like pushing wheelchairs and helping him with the lift) were very heavy. Finally, more of the decisions fell on me.

After being diagnosed with his disease in 2006 Wayne worked for some time. Between the summer of 2006 (when Wayne was diagnosed with his disease) until January 2 of 2011 (the day of his death), Wayne went from still working, to walking with a cane, to a walker, to a wheelchair and then the need for us to get him to a standing position with a sit to stand lift in order to transfer him from place to place.

We were told at the beginning and every thing I read since Wayne’s diagnosis indicated that life expectancy is 6-10 years after diagnosis. Wayne lived only four and a half years after diagnosis. On January 2, 2011 when my son and I went to wake Wayne up for the morning, we discovered that he had died sometime during the night. We were not expecting his imminent death, and hence it came as a total shock.


Since I grieved each step down that Wayne took during his illness, however, I had anticipated that with his eventual death I would have an easier time with the grieving process. I did not find that to be the case. I grieved what Wayne had to go through, and I grieved what I went through. I grieved Wayne's absence. I have learned, however, that pain has a purpose, and pain does not equal peace.  I had to make many baby steps towards healing.

These challenges of the last few years have drawn me closer to my Lord God and strengthened my faith and character. If it was not for the promises and encouragement of God’s Word, however, I would have folded under pressure long ago.

DEAR CAREGIVER

I am excited to announce the launch of my new book DEAR CAREGIVER subtitled Reflections for Family Caregivers! Most of the book comes from my blog posts here at this blog site-sometimes in a slightly edited version.  

 

Click on the link below the picture of my book on the right hand side of this page, and it should bring you right to the Xulon order page for my book! You also can phone your order into Xylon at 866-909-Book (2665) during regular business hours.  If you prefer you can also go to Amazon.com and find my book there a few dollars cheaper.  There is also an E-book addition at Amazon.    

 

If you decide to order a copy of my book, it would encourage me greatly if you would send me a message telling me that you did so at my email address which is jesuschild54@hotmail.com You can also leave a comment or two here at the bottom of the blog post.

 

I will end with the words found on the back cover of the book:

 

Family care-giving for a loved one with a serious illness is a very noble and important role. It is also often a challenging and emotionally and physically draining endeavor. DEAR CAREGIVER is a book written to encourage caregivers in this all consuming but vital ministry for which many caregivers feel ill equipped. This book points to the Lord as the caregiver's source of strength. The book further seeks to provide practical and spiritual encouragement to family caregivers who have lovingly taken on a role which they did not anticipate or perhaps desire.

The author is a mother and grandmother, and she was married to her husband, Wayne, for over thirty-nine years. In 2006 Wayne was diagnosed with a serious neurological disease. The author was Wayne's caregiver for four and a half years until his death in early 2011. She knows the heartache and physical and emotional stress of being a caregiver for a loved one. Hence, her passion is to encourage family caregivers in their struggles.

The book starts with a brief synopsis of the author's personal care-giving story followed by over one hundred brief meditations written to encourage current caregivers. The author seeks to stay connected to her readers by relevant examples from her own care-giving experiences in order to drive home messages in the text and to enable the readers to persevere in the challenges of family care-giving. It is the author's desire to facilitate this goal through her willingness to be vulnerable and honest about the feelings and emotions she experienced as a caregiver for her husband. She explores both the blessings and challenges of care-giving and the blessing of drawing closer to the Lord through the experience.

Easter and the Caregiver

(I am re-posting a post I wrote at Easter last year.)

We have just celebrated Easter. What does Easter mean to you, dear Christian caregiver? How does it relate to family care-giving? 

Easter means that the Lord Jesus came to this earth and lived a perfect life for you and me. He later died on the cross to pay the price for our sins, and then He arose again on the third day to prove that He had won over sin and death and Satan. If you and I have accepted his gift of salvation by repentance and faith, we are His child now and for eternity.

Easter also means that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, identifies with your pain and the pain of your loved one, dear caregiver. As you struggle to help your loved one who is perhaps fighting against an incurable disease, He identifies with you. Having suffered the worst possible pain for us on the cross He is able to sympathize with our heartaches and weaknesses. He is also an all powerful Savior to whom we can freely go for grace in our moments of sadness and overwhelming and crushing needs.  Check out Hebrews 4:15-16 in the New Testament.

Because of Easter and Christ's sacrifice you can freely approach God the Father Himself with your and your loved one's needs, dear Christian caregiver. You can cry out to Him for help and call Him your “Abba Father,” because He considers you His special child. (Romans 8:15) Easter also means that when your heart is so weighed down with the heartaches and overwhelming circumstances of family care-giving that you do not even know how to pray, the Holy Spirit will intercede and pray for you! (Romans 8:26)

Easter for the caregiver means that although you will always face trials and troubles in this world, the Lord Jesus Christ has overcome the world.  He is also your source of peace even in the most challenging of times. (John 16:33)  Even in the overwhelming circumstances of family care-giving, even when we do not understand God's ways in allowing certain things in our lives, and even in the most unthinkable circumstances God is working for our ultimate good. We are victors in Him! (Romans 8:28)

Dear Christian caregiver, my hope for you would be that your loved one is healed on this earth. Whether he or she is healed on this earth or not, however, a child of God is whole and perfect upon entering heaven. No matter what happens in your care-giving situation you too, dear caregiver, will slowly heal emotionally and spiritually. God will always be with you, and joy will return one day. His love for you will never fail. He proved that love for you on the cross. That is the meaning of Easter for the caregiver and for all of us.

Your Will Be Done, Lord

(I was prompted to write this post after reading a couple devotionals that fueled my thinking and touched my spirit.)

As I mentioned in my last post both my husband and I had serious illnesses which overlapped somewhat during the same time frame. I will be a seven year survivor of breast cancer in July of this year. My husband, however, passed away from his disease in early 2011.

There have been times when I asked myself why I am alive and thriving today, and my husband was taken. My disease could be treated, but my husband's neurological disease had no cure. Yet God can do anything. He could have healed my husband as well. I think I have subconsciously wondered also, if I prayed enough for his healing. Did I do enough? Was I enough? Yet was this not flawed thinking on my part?

Many Christians believe God will heal all diseases, if they have enough faith.  But is this kind of faith not a faith in the greatness of one's own faith rather than a faith in God?  Is it not also a faith in a desired outcome rather than a faith in God who should be the object of our faith?  Is this kind of faith centered in God's plan and will?  God WILL ultimately heal all our diseases in eternity. It is not always His plan to heal us on earth, however. That was not His plan for my husband, Wayne. It was God's plan to take Wayne home to Himself. Would I and can I be submissive to God's best for both Wayne and I?

Dear caregiver, God may choose to heal your loved one on this earth. He also may choose to take your loved one to Himself in His perfect timing. You probably do not even want to consider that possibility. I certainly did not want to contemplate losing my husband. Yet there is peace in resting in His will. There is peace in being submissive to His plan.

Are you willing to make this your prayer, dear caregiver, “Lord give me a willing heart to embrace Your perfect plan whatever that be, Lord. Help me to trust that You will provide the strength to submit to Your perfect plan and purpose. Use me, Lord, to be an instrument in Your hand no matter what path You lead me down or no matter what purpose You have planned for my life. Lord, I pray for the healing of my loved one, and I would be so grateful if he is healed. Yet Lord, Your will be done."

Walk with Joy the Caregiver Walk

My husband was diagnosed with his neurological disease in 2006. In 2007 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. After eight months of treatment for my breast cancer in 2007 and 2008, in a few months I will be a seven year breast cancer survivor. On October 4, 2008 I was celebrating my last treatment for breast cancer. Following are some of the words I wrote in a post at another blog site at that time:

“Recently I was looking at a lovely daffodil flower sitting in a vase on my window sill. This was given to me one day by a nurse at the cancer clinic after I completed one of my radiation treatments. This flower reminded me of the kindness and care given to me by my doctors and nurses these past months. My eyes also landed on a beautiful azalea plant sitting on my coffee table. This plant was given to me by a special person in our church. This azalea plant was symbolic to me of the tremendous love and concern which has been shown to Wayne, my husband, and me in these past many months by our church family. Today I look at a beautiful bouquet of spring flowers sitting on my kitchen table given to me by my son's family. These flowers remind me of the love of my earthly family.

As of this morning my radiation treatments for breast cancer are complete!!! It has been a long journey-this cancer journey beginning in July of 2007. It has involved chemo, a mastectomy, and the last few weeks radiation. Wayne, my husband, was diagnosed with a serious neurological disease about a year earlier in 2006. It has been a challenging couple of years to say the least, but there also have been many blessings along the way. It has been a time to draw closer to the Lord in more dependence on Him. It has been a time to hear the Lord speaking through His promises in His Holy Word in a new and wonderful way. Even when the doubts or discouragement comes it is good to know we have such a faithful God. It has also been a time to experience the love of God's people and our earthly family in such a rich and abundant way. They have in many ways made our trial "a place of springs" in the midst of "Valley of Baca" (Psalm 84:6)

I will not have any more cancer treatments now that the radiation treatments are complete except for seeing my doctor and having blood tests once every three months. I will have some discomfort and/or redness yet for up to a month from the radiation. Also the "odds" are relatively high that the cancer could reoccur within the next five years, but we know our lives are not about "odds" but the certainties of God's Word. Pray that there will not be a recurrence of cancer. Continue to pray also for my husband, Wayne, that his condition will not continue to deteriorate. Most importantly, pray that my husband and I will live every day in the joy of the Lord and for His glory."


Such were my words on that day in early April of 2008.  As I said before I am a cancer survivor.  In fact, I am well past the five year mark.  My husband however, passed away as a result of his disease in early 2011. The years after my cancer treatment were completed were increasingly difficult for my husband and I, as my husband continued to deteriorate in his health. Those years were sometimes overwhelmingly difficult physically and emotionally for me as my husband's caregiver.

Yet these circumstances did not change who I was and am in Christ. In fact, they drew and continue to draw me closer to the Lord. May it be your prayer as well as mine, dear caregiver, that we will accept with open arms whatever God allows in our lives; if it brings glory to our Lord. May it be your prayer, dear caregiver, that you will walk with joy, peace, and freedom; as you walk the difficult care-giving road. I end today with a link below to a song that I placed at the end of that blog post in April of 2008. May it be always be my prayer. May it be your prayer as well, dear caregiver.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=e8HgAVenbUU

Fix Your Eyes on the Lord

Do you ever feel discouraged, dear caregiver?  Do you ever feel like everything is falling apart, and you do not know where to turn next?  That is actually a good place to be, because it is then that the Lord can begin to do His work in you.  The Lord is your great strength giver.  He has called you to be His servant, dear caregiver.  He has called you to the very important role of family caregiver, and He will give you the strength to live for Him day by day and moment by moment!  He will give you the strength to be all you can be for your loved one for whom you are caring.

As Christians we need never become discouraged; because the Lord in His mercy has redeemed us from sin, chosen us to be His child and servant, and is busy about the task of transforming us into His likeness!  We need to be eternally thankful to the Lord for choosing us as His children and for being our Lord and Savior.

The Lord makes His light shine in our hearts (II Corinthians 4:6b).  What a priceless treasure!  What a priceless treasure we have in our salvation!  What a priceless treasure we have in belonging to the Lord!  What a priceless treasure we have in the Lord Jesus Christ living in our heart and lives!  Praise His name!

We have the Lord's treasure in us who are unworthy and frail humans, however, so His glory will be shown in us (II Corinthians 4:7)  Through our insufficiency the Lord chooses to reveal His all-sufficiency, power, and greatness!  We are nothing in ourselves, but He chooses to fill us with His all-surpassing power!  The more we realize that we are nothing in ourselves, the more the Lord can infuse us with His power.  That is the power that He can infuse in you too, dear caregiver, as you go about the overwhelming challenges of family care-giving.

In the trials and troubles of family care-giving caregivers often feel "hard pressed on every side" and "perplexed."  As God's children, however, we are never "crushed;" because the Lord is with us all the way.  We will never be abandoned by Him (II Corinthians 4:8-9)!  The frailty of our humanness make us more dependent on His strength, and thus reveals His life in us in a greater way!  We can believe with absolute certainty that the Lord will lead us through this life and through death and to eternity!

Any difficulties you or I may experience in this life are nothing compared to the glories that we will experience with the Lord in His presence.  Family care-giving is one of life's deepest trials.  This is especially true for those caregivers who are caring for loved ones with terminal illnesses.  II Corinthians 4:18 in the Bible reminds us, however, that we must NOT fix our eyes on the things we see, namely life's difficulties or material things; but we must fix our eyes on the Lord Jesus and on eternal realities.

Dear caregiver, I understand the heartaches and challenges of family caregivers.  I was a family caregiver myself.  The secret to surviving and even thriving as a family caregiver is to NOT focus on the overwhelming difficulties, but to fix one's eyes on the Lord.  Fix you eyes on eternal realities both for you and your loved one, dear caregiver.  The trials of this life can not begin to compare to the glory that awaits us all as believers.