A blog site with the goal of recognizing and helping family caregivers
Sunday, February 15, 2015
identities are so often wrapped up with our various roles in life.
Our identities, however, really should be a reflection of who we are
inside. Our identities should reflect our values, passions, likes and
dislikes, and our tastes.
husband, Wayne, and I were married for over 39 years. During that
time I was his wife, lover, and best friend. I was also the mother to
our three sons and later a mother-in-law and a grandma.
the last years of my husband’s life, I also took on the role
of my husband’s caregiver. As my husband’s caregiver I was often
bombarded with questions like, “How is Wayne?” I never knew
how to answer that question. Outside of a miracle, my husband
was NOT going to get better; only worse. He was not going to get
over his disease like the common cold. There was no treatment for his
disease, and his symptoms were predicted to continue to
deteriorate. So how was I to answer a question like, “How
is Wayne?” People knew this, and I still was asked that
question. I also felt that I was more than my husband’s caregiver,
and I didn't constantly want to be identified only as Wayne’s
my husband’s wife and caregiver, I grieved each step backwards
that he took in his disease. It was painful seeing the love of my
love deteriorate before my eyes. The role of being his caregiver did
become almost all consuming. Because of this, it also almost
became my identity. After my husband’s death on January 2, 2011, my
new status became “widow.” I now had/have to
work my way through the grief process and struggle to find a new
purpose and role in life.
we said before, however, our identities are not equal to our roles in
life. Our identities should reflect our inner beings and passions.
The roles we play in life should merely be a vehicle for
fleshing out our identities. Also, as Christians, our true
identities are really only found in our relationship with our Lord.
That relationship will get us through the most difficult of
challenges and trials.
the care-giving role can be so consuming that you forget who you are
as a person. In the midst of the overwhelming decisions and
challenges of care-giving, it is important that you do not lose
sight of who you are as a unique individual. Most importantly, do
not lose sight, Christian caregiver, of your significant identity in
post is taken from my book DEAR CAREGIVER Reflections for Family
Caregivers available online at Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Xulon, my
publisher. You can also get it directly from me by emailing me at