I need to confess something. As the expression goes, I am a person who likes "my ducks in a row." You would think that having been a family caregiver with all its challenges, uncertainties, and chaos would have permanently cured me of that. Although I learned so much of God's faithfulness and grew in my love for Him during that time, I still fight that tendency to like "my ducks in a row."
I seem to have to learn and relearn, however, that God is in control and not me. I am in control of nothing. I read the following in my devotions recently. It is as if Jesus is speaking: "Your natural preference is to plan out your day, knowing what will happen when. My preference is for you to depend on Me continually, trusting Me to guide you and strengthen you as needed. This is how you grow strong in your weakness." (from the book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)
That same day I read this from another devotional book. It is meant to be a prayer of praise to God: "Thank You that I can give myself up to be led by You---that I can go forth praising and at rest, letting You manage me and my day---that I can joyfully depend on You throughout the day expecting You to guide, to enlighten, to reprove, to teach, to use, and to do in me and with me what You desire---that I can count upon Your working in me as a fact, totally apart from sight or feeling---that I can go forth praising and at rest, believing You and obeying You and ceasing from the burden of trying to manage myself without Your wisdom and power (adapted from Dr. John Hubbard). Thank You that I can throw the whole weight of my anxieties on You, for I am Your personal concern." (from the book 31 Days of Praise by Ruth Meyers)
I often wonder why my natural first response to a new challenge is a moment of fear until I tell my soul to relax and trust the Lord. I love Jesus' words in John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." This is a promise and a command. Life can be challenging with unending problems especially as a family caregiver, but let's you and I resolve to rest things with the Lord. He is in control anyhow, and trusting Him is the way to peace.