Sunday, June 26, 2016

A Thankful Heart

A thankful heart is something God expects of us. Thankfulness can also add joy to our lives in spite of adverse circumstances. Being a caregiver of a terminally ill loved one is one of life’s greatest challenges and heartaches. Finding joy in the midst of it can seem like an impossibility. As a caregiver for my husband for four and a half years, however, I knew I needed to find things for which to be thankful in order to endure and survive emotionally. 
It is best to start thanking God for His presence and peace. Then try to write down at least three things each day for which you are thankful. I did this while I was a caregiver, and I found it very helpful. No matter how difficult your care-giving situation, there is something for which you can thank and praise the Lord each day.  
A thankful heart opens up the very windows of heaven. Thankfulness gives one a foretaste of heaven itself. In the process, these experiences provide even more reasons for gratitude because of the joy which enters one’s life through the avenue of a thankful heart.  
Thankfulness comes from focusing one’s heart on the Lord throughout the day. It also comes from looking for His wonders and treasures. Remember, however, that sometimes these treasures come through pleasant experiences; and sometimes these treasures come through the difficult moments (see Isaiah 45:3). Valuable lessons are often learned in the dark and difficult experiences.  Often, these experiences are the only way to learn dependence on God and trust in Him. This was and is certainly my experience as a caregiver for my husband and then during the grieving after his death. 
At times it may feel so contrived to express thanks to God when we are feeling really down in the pits.  Even then, it is best to express thanks, however. This is because thankfulness is the road to the presence of God and His peace. It is amazing, but in the measure we give thanks regardless of our feelings, God gives joy in spite of our circumstances. 
Care-giving is often an overwhelming challenge. The difficulties and heartaches will not go away by simply pursuing a thankful heart. Those who are thankful, however, will be blessed even though their care-giving heartaches remain. Joy and pain can coexist. So, dear Christian caregiver, for which blessing will you thank God today?  

( I will be away from my computer for a few days, so there will be no new post next week.  The next post will be on or around July 10.  Use this time to read some of the older posts.)

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Joy in the Caregiver Walk

Being a caregiver for a loved one with every declining health can be a huge burden.  I know because I lived that reality as my husband's caregiver for over four and a half years.  I loved my husband and was dedicated to him, but the worries and burdens were heavy at times.

Yet God wants caregivers and all who are carrying heavy burdens to realize that the joy of the Lord is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10b).  We sometimes think our burdens in life are heavier than other people's burdens.  Yet every person is carrying a burden whether they are a caregiver or are not. Having said that I know that your burden is very heavy at times, dear caregiver.  Know, however, that the Lord, your Caregiver, loves you and understands the burden you are carrying.  There is no burden we carry that He does not understand, because He suffered the ultimate burden of the cross to pay for our sins.

Scripture says that because of the joy set before Him, Jesus endured the cross (Hebrews 12:2).  He knew the horrors of the cross would win His people's salvation and His return to Heaven and the Father.  So this too gives us the ability through Him to endure and not grow weary.

It also gives us the ability to experience joy even in the midst of heartache and challenges. This is because joy is not the same thing as happiness which is dependent on perfect circumstances. Circumstances can change and temporarily ruffle us.  Yet true joy is permanent and internal, because it is based on the cross and our trust in the Lord.  It is based on the fact that we know that this life is very temporary, and a perfect eternity lies ahead of us.  It is further based on God's Holy Spirit living in us.

In spite of this we all become discouraged at times.  That is why we need to spend time in God's Word every day.  Psalm 19 says that God's Word revives our soul, makes us wise, gives us joy, and gives us light or perspective. God's Word is perfect, trustworthy, always right, and pure.  The Word of God is the most precious thing imaginable.

In order to experience these blessings we must spend time in His Word, however, Family care-giving can be immensely challenging and overwhelming.  So can all of life.  It is easy to be like Martha in Luke 10:41 in the Bible who was "worried and upset about many things."  Jesus reminds her, however, in the following verse that only one thing is needed.  That one thing is to spend time in God's Word.  I know, dear caregiver, that you are very busy.  Yet spending time in God's Word is vital. It is vital to your joy even in the overwhelming moments.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

No Pit So Deep

As a caregiver, you may sometimes feel as if you are in a deep pit from which you cannot escape. The emotions of being responsible for the well-being of your loved one who continues to decline before your very eyes can be overwhelming. Below are some words that I scribed on January 23, 2010.  Perhaps you can relate:  
     Last night we watched the DVD The Hiding Place. It is about a Christian family in Holland who hid Jews in their home during the Nazi occupation in World War II. They were eventually found out and captured. The father died about 10 days after their capture, but the two sisters, Betsy and Corrie Ten Boom, were sent to a concentration camp.
     In the horrors of concentration camp, Betsy and Corrie came to the conclusion that there was no pit so deep that God does not go deeper. That movie was a real encouragement to me. Sometimes care-giving can seem like a real pit, but the Lord is with me each step of the way. My life is a piece of cake compared to what those ladies endured.
     Having said that, however, the fact remains that care-giving is often very difficult. I really have to struggle with patience and wisdom. Besides the difficult physical and mobility symptoms in my husband, I am seeing some slowing down in his thinking. It is not that I can’t still rationally discuss some things with him but, as I said, there is a slowing down in thinking.  He sometimes does have trouble controlling his emotions in public. This usually manifests itself in laughing. Then there is the always difficult task of communicating. He speaks with a mumble and does not speak clearly.  Finally, I suspect some depression is going on also. This whole process of decline -- physically and otherwise -- that I see in my husband sometimes seems like a slow death.
     Adding to this stress, we are planning on moving in about 4 weeks. We are scheduled to close on February first on our new condo.  Then we are scheduled to have a wheelchair ramp built starting on February second. The plan is to move into our new condo on February 20. My prayer is that the ramp will indeed be built the week after closing and that it will be easily usable with my husband, Wayne.  Sometimes my stress level feels like about twelve on a scale of ten. 
Dear Christian caregiver, the stress of care-giving can often be overwhelming. It can feel as if one is in an emotional pit so deep that one is not able to crawl out of it. In those times, remember the conclusions of Corrie and Betsy Ten Boom: that there is no pit so deep that God does not go deeper.

(This post is a chapter found in my book: Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers.  My book can be ordered several places online.  A link to the order page for my book on Amazon is on the side of this page.  If you are getting this by e-mail just click to the christiancaregiving link to get to my home page.)

Sunday, June 5, 2016

His Faithfulness in All Things

Recently I experienced some stressful moments.  I have Windows 7 on my computer,  I had decided that I was not going to download Windows 10 on my computer. Well, in spite of that it tried to download it automatically. I noticed it on a Sunday morning before church. To make matters worse Windows 10 did not even download successfully. I ended up with an unusable computer and a blank screen. 

On Monday of that same week I took my computer to Best Buy where they reverted it back to Windows 7 for me. Best Buy said they are getting a lot of this happening.  The following Friday they called to tell me that my computer was ready for pick-up.

I picked up my "fixed" computer from Best Buy that Friday. Later, however, I noticed that my extra word processing system they had installed was not working correctly, so I made an appointment that same evening to go back to Best Buy. Then when I got home my internet was no longer working. (It had been before.) I called Frontier, my provider. They could not not get me connected via phone. So they ordered an in-house tech to come out. Because of the holiday week-end they said no one would be able to come out until Tuesday, however. 

It is frustrating and overwhelming to face many of these life's situations without my mate. I realize too, however, that I faced many of life's distracting and frustrating situations without my mate's input even before my husband's death.  In his last months and years of his life most of the decisions rested on my shoulders. My husband, Wayne, was incapable of doing this any longer. Perhaps you too are experiencing some of this, dear caregiver.  Yet as I look back at those care-giving years and at the five plus years since, I see God's faithfulness over and over again.  I love to think of the Lord Jesus as my heavenly bridegroom who is always there for me.

So how does my computer story end?  The Lord once again showed His faithfulness! I have internet.  I was told that the in-house tech would not come until Tuesday, since it was a holiday on Monday, Memorial Day. Instead he called me Memorial Day morning and had my internet up and running in about 5 minutes. The timing of his call came right after I had gone to the grocery store and was just back home again.  

The only trouble was that as soon as my computer went to sleep the internet no longer worked wireless.  So the tech was back twice on Tuesday.  A couple issues had to be resolved with my computer itself and not the modem.  (This too is another story, but God had this too.) Why do I fret when God has all things in His hands? 

Dear Caregiver, I know how easy it is to fret.  You are responsible for so many things in regards to your loved one's care.  You are possibly also responsible for a host of other life issues in your family. Remind yourself that the Lord is faithful, and try to leave your burdens with Him.  Also remember that the Lord cares about not only the life and death issues.  He also cares about the "little things."  He loves you that much, dear caregiver! 

Saturday, May 28, 2016

The Book of Psalms

Recently I once again completed a reading through the book of Psalms.  I have learned to love the book of Psalms in a new and deeper way in the last years. This love grew first in my years as my husband's caregiver and also since that time in the years since as a widow.

The book of Psalms begins with a reminder to delight and meditate on God's Word.  If I do that even in times of weariness and trial, I will be blessed.  The book of Psalms ends with the words, "Praise the Lord."  Praise for the Lord no matter what my circumstances will also add to my joy.

In the middle of the book of Psalms we find every possible emotion and circumstance that living in this world hands us.  This includes deep trials and unthinkable losses.  It also includes the hopes, joys, and promises that can be found in the Lord.  In the book of Psalms we see God's faithfulness in all of life's experiences.  That is why I must praise and worship the Lord even in the difficult moments, because He will never fail me.  He is worthy of my praise.

Even when we understand God's faithfulness we can become weary and discouraged at times, however.  There are many psalms of praise in the book of Psalms.  Yet there are also many Psalms of lament.  I love the honesty of the book of Psalms.  Yet in the midst of the honest negative emotions the psalmists would turn to the Lord.  Psalm 73 is an example of this.  In this Psalm Asaph had almost given into despair, but by the end of the Psalm he says "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

David, who wrote about half of the Psalms, often talked about the trials that his enemies caused him. Though our own trials and challenges may be a bit different than his trials, the Psalms written by David also remind us that the Lord will be our faithful God. David is referred to as "a man after God's own heart,"  Yet the Old Testament records some grievous sins on the part of David.  In spite of this God forgave David those sins and was faithful to David, because in the end David always turned to the Lord for forgiveness and help with his difficult life circumstances.  We can do the same as His children today!

Sometimes life can make us feel weary and overwhelmed.  I know I feel that weariness at times. That is usually a signal to me that I need to rest and regroup. It is also a reminder to me that when I am weak the Lord's grace is sufficient for me, and His power is best shown in my weakness.  (Check out II Corinthians 12:9.)    

The words of David in Psalm 34:17-18 also reminds us that "The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; He delivers them; He delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  God's answers to our cries may not always be in the manner and timetable we want them answered, but God is always faithful.  We can count on it. 

I will end with verses five through the seven from Psalm 81 (NIV) which have become one of my favorite verses in the Psalms.  They read like this, "Blessed are those whose strength is in You. who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.  As they pass through the valley of Baca (weeping), they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools.  They go from strength to strength till each appears before God in Zion."  

Saturday, May 21, 2016

God's Strength in Our Weakness

Does the challenges of care-giving seem over whelming at times, dear caregiver? Do you feel inadequate for the task?  Do you ever ask "why?" when you see your loved one struggle and perhaps decline in his or her health?  Do you ever wonder why God has laid this burden on you or your loved one's life?

Know that the work you are doing is noble work, dear caregiver.  Know that God is using you as His "mighty warrior." in this challenging but wonderful work of care-giving that you are doing in His kingdom.  Know that He will use even the difficult moments to refine and grow you.  Know that God's grace is sufficient, as we talked about in our last post.

In the Old Testament of the Bible God assigned a man named Gideon a task for which he felt very unqualified.  He asked the "why?" question as well, and he tried to make excuses for doing the task that called him to do.  He had to learn the secret of finding his strength in the Lord and not in himself. In fact, Gideon learned that when he was weak, God's power shows through the strongest.

I have another blog called "Moments with God."  It is a devotional blog.  Click on the link below and it will bring you to a post at this blog which tells the story about this man,Gideon.  I think you will identify with Gideon in many ways, dear caregiver!

Sunday, May 15, 2016

God is Sufficient

Care-giving for a loved one is often challenging, at best. Care-giving can also be heartbreaking and overwhelming if one cares for a loved one who continues to take steps backwards in his or her health. As a caregiver for my husband with a devastating and fast-moving neurological disease, I certainly found that to be true.  In January, 2010, I wrote the following words about my husband: 

     How far we have come from him being our family’s primary breadwinner, my best friend, my lover, and my husband. He is still my husband, but how different our roles are now. How could our lives have gone from “normal” to wheelchairs, incontinence products, and immobility in just a few years?
     I resolved at the beginning of this year to look for the blessings and to also look for the faithfulness of my God in my life. I resolved not to stress so much. I am making a conscious effort to do this. I do see the blessings and faithfulness of my God. In spite of it not being a great day, I recognize blessings in my day even today. I really do, but these sad feelings are still there for what is no longer there. 

Dear Christian caregiver, I am certain you experience many emotions of sadness and heartbreak also; especially if you are caring for someone with a long term illness. So where can one run for help with these negative emotions? 
The only source of strength and guidance in the challenges of life is the Lord God. We must spend time in His Word, the Bible, and we must spend time in prayer. This will begin to instill in us an understanding of the depth of God’s love for us. This, in turn, will provide us a peace that only the awareness of the presence of God in our lives can provide. 
As we begin to look for the wonders of God (which are all around us), we begin to realize that we are not abandoned or left alone in this world. Dear Christian caregiver, your feelings may tell you that you are all alone. Daily remind yourself of God’s truth, however. Seek His companionship and counsel. He alone can guide you perfectly as you navigate the often stormy waters of care-giving. God alone can comfort you completely as you struggle with the negative emotions which often accompany your care-giving days. The Lord God is sufficient, however. He is also greatly honored, dear Christian caregiver, when you set your affection on Him in the midst of the heartbreak of care-giving. 

(The above blog post is one of the chapters in my book Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers. Having been a family caregiver myself I have a passion to help family caregivers. My book contains over 100 short chapters or meditations to encourage family caregivers in their sometimes discouraging but always noble work of caring for their loved ones. My own story as my husband's caregiver is intertwined in the meditations or short chapters in my book.

You can find my book online at Xulon, my publisher, Amazon, Barnes and Nobles. and other places. It is available in kindle version at Amazon and Nook version at Barnes and Noble, as well as paperback version.

This is the Amazon link to the order page for my book:

If you prefer you can order directly from me as well. E-mail me at for specifics, if you wish to take that route.)