Seeking to provide for my husband’s needs during my caregiving days could get emotionally heavy at times, but I feel my past experiences helped to prepare me somewhat for the caregiving challenges. One of these experiences actually coincided with the beginning stages of my caregiving days. That experience was my fight against breast cancer.
April 3 marks the fourth anniversary of my freedom from breast cancer treatment! In July of this year the Lord willing I will be a five year survivor of breast cancer, as survivorship is counted from the day one is diagnosed.
About a year before I was diagnosed with breast cancer my husband was diagnosed with his serious neurological disease in 2006. I sometimes wonder if the grief I felt over his diagnosis may have contributed to my getting cancer. That we will never know for sure, I suspect.
In July of 2007 I noticed a swelling in my right breast and under my arm. I was able to book an appointment with my physician’s assistant. She sent me for a mammogram and MRI the next day. A couple days later I received the devastating news that I did indeed have breast cancer and that the cancer had invaded my lymph nodes. The tumor in my breast was very large, and my dr. told me later that my lymph nodes were all gummed together.
A few days later I found myself at my oncologist’s office, and after a full body scan at the hospital I began chemo. I began chemo by the end of July of 2007. All together I had 8 chemo treatments in 3 week cycles, mastectomy surgery with all my lymph nodes under my arm removed, and 6 1/2 weeks of radiation daily. Side effects of chemo were fatigue, mild nausea sometimes, food tasting like cardboard, loss of all of my hair etc. Radiation caused some burning, but it was manageable. All treatment was completed in April of 2008!
During the time of my cancer treatments I had a host of people praying for me-even people across the ocean! We also had people from our church bringing in meals twice a week for a long time. I further had church people bringing me to all my chemo treatments and most of my radiation treatments. The medical people at my cancer care center were wonderful.
Cancer treatments would not be a time that I would want to go through again, but at the same time it was a time of blessing as well as hardship. It is hard to explain, but I became more free in my spirit and less concerned about other’s opinions as a result to this cancer experience. I experienced the love of other people, and most of all I experienced the love of my Lord and Savior in a new and fresh way. I learned dependence on the Lord God during those many months, and I grew in my faith. The Lord’s strength and His love to me demonstrated through others helped me through those months.
At the time I still continued to grieve over my husband’s neurological disease which had no cure and continued to only get worse. I continue to grieve today my husband’s death 15 months ago. I still am miles away from having it altogether. Just perhaps, however, I will be able to face today and the days ahead with more of God’s strength, because of my cancer experience and my experiences with the heartaches of caregiving. The memory of those days will never go away. It has changed whom I am forever mostly for the good.
I know that there will always be problems in this life, but I am further certain that my Lord and Savior will be with me all through my life. I know He will give me the strength to handle anything I need to face in the future. Even in hard times God has promised to be with me and bless me and someday take me to live with Him eternally. Dear Christian caregiver rest in Him.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Looking for the Wonders
My husband was diagnosed with his disease in mid 2006. It was difficult to see the constant decline downwards. It was difficult seeing the changes in him physically, but it was also difficult to see the changes in the person I had once known. In late 2008 I began journaling my feelings at a blog site online. In order to survive I also realized I needed to begin to look for the wonders and blessings which were still around me.
On March 24, 2009 I journaled the following words:
“What will be my attitude today concerning my circumstances? It is raining and dreary out today. I enjoy the sunshine more. We, however, need the rain for the plants and grass to grow. So rain is good, and it is a blessing.
I also have grown spiritually and emotionally through the “rain” and “storms” of my fight against breast cancer last year and through my present caregiving experience with my husband. So that is good, and it is a blessing.
The last couple of days have been spent filling out paperwork and also spent on the phone asking questions about this paperwork. I hate filling out paperwork. Filling out paperwork for my husband’s disability and making necessary phone calls has helped us financially in the past, however. So that is good, and it is a blessing. One of the things I needed to do to fill out this paperwork was to get some additional information from our three sons. That has resulted in good and productive conversations. That is good, and that is a blessing. One of these calls to one of our sons resulted in my husband and I being able to hear our little 8 month old granddaughter who lives with her parents in London giggling in the background. What a joy! That is good, and that is a blessing.
We just received a phone call and invite to have supper with family. That is pure joy. I see no negatives there.
Lord, help me not to get bogged down with the negatives of caregiving. Help me to consider it a privilege, and help me to look for the blessings. Help me to look for Your wonders in my life.”
Dear Christian Caregiver, caregiving is probably one of the most difficult experiences you will ever undertake. Often that is the case with a calling as significant as caregiving. In the midst of the challenges, negative emotions, and disappointments, however, also look for the wonders, dear caregiver. There are wonders and blessings in even the most difficult of days. Looking for the wonders will allow the joy to remain in your life even in the struggles and heartaches of caregiving.
On March 24, 2009 I journaled the following words:
“What will be my attitude today concerning my circumstances? It is raining and dreary out today. I enjoy the sunshine more. We, however, need the rain for the plants and grass to grow. So rain is good, and it is a blessing.
I also have grown spiritually and emotionally through the “rain” and “storms” of my fight against breast cancer last year and through my present caregiving experience with my husband. So that is good, and it is a blessing.
The last couple of days have been spent filling out paperwork and also spent on the phone asking questions about this paperwork. I hate filling out paperwork. Filling out paperwork for my husband’s disability and making necessary phone calls has helped us financially in the past, however. So that is good, and it is a blessing. One of the things I needed to do to fill out this paperwork was to get some additional information from our three sons. That has resulted in good and productive conversations. That is good, and that is a blessing. One of these calls to one of our sons resulted in my husband and I being able to hear our little 8 month old granddaughter who lives with her parents in London giggling in the background. What a joy! That is good, and that is a blessing.
We just received a phone call and invite to have supper with family. That is pure joy. I see no negatives there.
Lord, help me not to get bogged down with the negatives of caregiving. Help me to consider it a privilege, and help me to look for the blessings. Help me to look for Your wonders in my life.”
Dear Christian Caregiver, caregiving is probably one of the most difficult experiences you will ever undertake. Often that is the case with a calling as significant as caregiving. In the midst of the challenges, negative emotions, and disappointments, however, also look for the wonders, dear caregiver. There are wonders and blessings in even the most difficult of days. Looking for the wonders will allow the joy to remain in your life even in the struggles and heartaches of caregiving.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Reliance on God
Perhaps you have heard the popular saying, “God never gives us more than we can handle.” When I was a family caregiver, however, I discovered that I often felt overwhelmed and felt that God had given me much more than I could handle. I felt this more strongly with each new decline in my husband’s disease, and I especially felt this way the last months of my husband’s life when I could no longer physically take care of him on my own.
The truth is God never promised to NOT give us more trials and difficulties than we can handle on our OWN. In fact God often gives us much more struggles than we can handle. God does this, so that our eyes will be open to how desperate we are for Him and for His help and provision.
Rather than striving to be more self-reliant we need to seek to become more God-reliant. As a caregiver I learned that I just did not have the resources in myself to handle the challenges and heartaches of caregiving on my own, so I absolutely had no choice but to rely on the Lord.
As a caregiver I also learned that I had to have help from others. I learned that God sometimes used others to help me. They became His instruments in helping me and in His kingdom. I needed to begin to root out my desire to be in control. The truth was I never was in control of anything. God was in control, and I needed to learn to rely and trust in Him.
Dear Christian Caregiver, what change would it make in your outlook towards your caregiving challenges and struggles, if you saw them as valued lessons in learning dependence on God? When you are at the absolute end of you own spiritual, physical, and emotional resources you can then begin to more fully depend on God’s resources. (Check out II Corinthians 1:8-9!) Total reliance on God is a good place to be!
The truth is God never promised to NOT give us more trials and difficulties than we can handle on our OWN. In fact God often gives us much more struggles than we can handle. God does this, so that our eyes will be open to how desperate we are for Him and for His help and provision.
Rather than striving to be more self-reliant we need to seek to become more God-reliant. As a caregiver I learned that I just did not have the resources in myself to handle the challenges and heartaches of caregiving on my own, so I absolutely had no choice but to rely on the Lord.
As a caregiver I also learned that I had to have help from others. I learned that God sometimes used others to help me. They became His instruments in helping me and in His kingdom. I needed to begin to root out my desire to be in control. The truth was I never was in control of anything. God was in control, and I needed to learn to rely and trust in Him.
Dear Christian Caregiver, what change would it make in your outlook towards your caregiving challenges and struggles, if you saw them as valued lessons in learning dependence on God? When you are at the absolute end of you own spiritual, physical, and emotional resources you can then begin to more fully depend on God’s resources. (Check out II Corinthians 1:8-9!) Total reliance on God is a good place to be!
Monday, March 12, 2012
The Goodness of God
As I have written in the pass my husband was diagnosed with his neurological disease in 2006. The years that followed were the most difficult and challenging years I have ever experienced in my life. The heartbreak of witnessing his continual declines were extremely difficult. Those years were also extremely stressful years. Being responsible for the well being of the man I had loved for many years, not knowing how long I would be able to care for him by myself, and feeling so alone in all this were very challenging.
It has been over 14 months since my husband’s death. As I still grieve his loss, I also still find myself thinking about those caregiving days at times. It is part of my grief processing. If it were not for the fact that I knew the Lord was with me during those caregiving days and in the days since his death, I would not have survived. Knowing this has also given me and continues to give me joy in the midst of the pain.
Recently I did a Bible study lesson on the goodness of God. The lesson talked about the good reasons why we suffer and how God is more interested in our inward character and conforming us to the image of Christ than in our comfort. Conforming us to the image of Christ is one of the reasons for trials in our lives.
The lesson went on to say that sometimes the pain seems to outweigh the best of benefits, however. We may understand reasons and answers in our heads, but those reasons do not always reach where it hurts in the heart. The challenges of caregiving or other of life’s trials can be so painful that it is difficult to see how the growth in our characters compensates for the pain we are experiencing.
There perhaps are no answers to the “whys?“ in our lives that will fully satisfy us. Completely understanding God’s answer to our “whys?” also would not necessarily make them easier. God doesn’t always give us reasons or answers, at least not ones that will satisfy. The answer therefore must be Someone. God does better than giving us answers. He gives us Himself. Also He explained Himself on the cross. His goodness displayed in His sacrifice of Himself on the cross is really the only proof we need of His love and goodness. Believing in the goodness of God does not mean that the heartaches will completely disappear. It does, however, help us move forward and persevere in life.
I find those thoughts comforting. If I did not believe in the goodness and presence of God, I am not sure where I would be today. Thank You, Lord, for that blessed reality! Thank you that You are there in the moments of heartache.
Dear Christian caregiver, please turn to the Lord for strength and help during your caregiving days. Please do not turn away from Him, because you do not always understand His ways. Trust in His goodness.
It has been over 14 months since my husband’s death. As I still grieve his loss, I also still find myself thinking about those caregiving days at times. It is part of my grief processing. If it were not for the fact that I knew the Lord was with me during those caregiving days and in the days since his death, I would not have survived. Knowing this has also given me and continues to give me joy in the midst of the pain.
Recently I did a Bible study lesson on the goodness of God. The lesson talked about the good reasons why we suffer and how God is more interested in our inward character and conforming us to the image of Christ than in our comfort. Conforming us to the image of Christ is one of the reasons for trials in our lives.
The lesson went on to say that sometimes the pain seems to outweigh the best of benefits, however. We may understand reasons and answers in our heads, but those reasons do not always reach where it hurts in the heart. The challenges of caregiving or other of life’s trials can be so painful that it is difficult to see how the growth in our characters compensates for the pain we are experiencing.
There perhaps are no answers to the “whys?“ in our lives that will fully satisfy us. Completely understanding God’s answer to our “whys?” also would not necessarily make them easier. God doesn’t always give us reasons or answers, at least not ones that will satisfy. The answer therefore must be Someone. God does better than giving us answers. He gives us Himself. Also He explained Himself on the cross. His goodness displayed in His sacrifice of Himself on the cross is really the only proof we need of His love and goodness. Believing in the goodness of God does not mean that the heartaches will completely disappear. It does, however, help us move forward and persevere in life.
I find those thoughts comforting. If I did not believe in the goodness and presence of God, I am not sure where I would be today. Thank You, Lord, for that blessed reality! Thank you that You are there in the moments of heartache.
Dear Christian caregiver, please turn to the Lord for strength and help during your caregiving days. Please do not turn away from Him, because you do not always understand His ways. Trust in His goodness.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Thankful for Difficult “Gifts”
My husband was diagnosed with his neurological disease in 2006. That summer our son and his family purchased our home in the country, and my husband and I moved to an apartment. We did this, because we knew my husband’s disease would get progressively worse. Therefore we knew it would not be possible for us to stay living in our country home of 27 years. We lived in the apartment for three and a half years, but in late February of 2010 we moved to a condo. On March 6, 2010 I journaled the following words:
“It is two weeks ago today that we moved into our new home. I really do love it. I love seeing the sun streaming into the living room windows in the early morning. I love the fact that my husband’s wheelchair is not blocking traffic areas nearly as badly as it did when we lived in our apartment. I am glad that my husband seems to like our new home also.
Even in our new home, however, caregiving issues continue to press heavy on my spirit at times. So much of caregiving is just plain gross, thankless, and just not a lot of fun. I must remind myself that this is my calling right now. I must remind myself that this is developing my character and stretching my faith. I must remind myself that even the difficult “gifts” of life (the troubles and trials) are good, if I don’t become bitter in the process and if I try to see God’s hand in even these things. Thank you, Lord, for Your presence in my life, for my family, for my friends, for my new home, for beautiful sunshiny weather, and for a host of other blessings. Make me also thankful for and in the difficulties of caregiving.”
Dear Christian caregiver, can you find the blessings in your life in spite of the difficulties and challenges of caregiving? It is so much easier to dwell on the negatives in our lives than to remember the positives in our lives. Furthermore, dear caregiver, can you see the blessings in even the very difficult tasks and heartaches of caregiving? Are you able to see God’s hand in the difficult “gifts” of life, the troubles and trials? May God bless you and help you as you fulfill this difficult but crucial calling in your life!
“It is two weeks ago today that we moved into our new home. I really do love it. I love seeing the sun streaming into the living room windows in the early morning. I love the fact that my husband’s wheelchair is not blocking traffic areas nearly as badly as it did when we lived in our apartment. I am glad that my husband seems to like our new home also.
Even in our new home, however, caregiving issues continue to press heavy on my spirit at times. So much of caregiving is just plain gross, thankless, and just not a lot of fun. I must remind myself that this is my calling right now. I must remind myself that this is developing my character and stretching my faith. I must remind myself that even the difficult “gifts” of life (the troubles and trials) are good, if I don’t become bitter in the process and if I try to see God’s hand in even these things. Thank you, Lord, for Your presence in my life, for my family, for my friends, for my new home, for beautiful sunshiny weather, and for a host of other blessings. Make me also thankful for and in the difficulties of caregiving.”
Dear Christian caregiver, can you find the blessings in your life in spite of the difficulties and challenges of caregiving? It is so much easier to dwell on the negatives in our lives than to remember the positives in our lives. Furthermore, dear caregiver, can you see the blessings in even the very difficult tasks and heartaches of caregiving? Are you able to see God’s hand in the difficult “gifts” of life, the troubles and trials? May God bless you and help you as you fulfill this difficult but crucial calling in your life!
Monday, February 27, 2012
A Different Kind of Caregiving
Three years ago this past Friday on February 24 my grandson was born. On the day he was born I spent part of that day and also the next couple days babysitting our new grandson’s three sisters. Their daddy (my son) would take them to see their Mom and little brother at the hospital in the evening, and then he would take them home to bed.
I enjoyed taking care of my granddaughters very much during that time. Taking care of my granddaughters was a time of caregiving, but to be honest this was a much more enjoyable type of caregiving than what I was doing with my husband.
This is because my granddaughters were so open and full of love and the joy of life. They were 6 years, 5 years, and 2 years old at the time. I was very tired at night after a day of taking care of three energetic children, but it is a good tiredness.
Caregiving for a loved one with a terminal illness is so different than the type of caregiving I described above, is it not, dear caregiver? The one describes life and potential. The other describes declines and often heartaches.
With both, however, dear Christian caregiver, there is hope. First of all, this life we live on this earth is not all that there is. We have eternity ahead. Secondly, the Lord has promised to be with us each step of the way. Finally, even though we can not figure out the “whys?” of our loved ones declines, God has promised to somehow bring beauty out of the chaos which so often is a part of our lives. Trust Him, dear caregiver.
I enjoyed taking care of my granddaughters very much during that time. Taking care of my granddaughters was a time of caregiving, but to be honest this was a much more enjoyable type of caregiving than what I was doing with my husband.
This is because my granddaughters were so open and full of love and the joy of life. They were 6 years, 5 years, and 2 years old at the time. I was very tired at night after a day of taking care of three energetic children, but it is a good tiredness.
Caregiving for a loved one with a terminal illness is so different than the type of caregiving I described above, is it not, dear caregiver? The one describes life and potential. The other describes declines and often heartaches.
With both, however, dear Christian caregiver, there is hope. First of all, this life we live on this earth is not all that there is. We have eternity ahead. Secondly, the Lord has promised to be with us each step of the way. Finally, even though we can not figure out the “whys?” of our loved ones declines, God has promised to somehow bring beauty out of the chaos which so often is a part of our lives. Trust Him, dear caregiver.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Joy and Sadness
Life is such a mixture of joy and sorrows, is it not? This was especially evident to me on February 24, 2009. On that day my little grandson was born. That day was also the day of cancer surgery for my mother-in-law. Furthermore, at that time I was right in the middle of my caregiving days with my husband, Wayne. It was a time of constant declines in his health. Below is what I journaled on that day:
“Our new grandson was born this morning! He weighed 9 pound, 9 ounces and is 21 1/2 inches. His name is William Wayne, William for his great-grandpa and Wayne for his grandpa (my husband.) I took care of William’s sisters while my son and his wife were at the hospital. This is our first grandson after 6 granddaughters from our three sons.
On a sad note my mother-in-law had her cancer surgery also today. They were able to get much of her large tumor, but there are many little tumors that they could not get. Chemo will follow later which will hopefully suppress but not cure the cancer. Even with all this they say she most likely has 18 months to 2 years of good life before it will come back.
So today is such a mixture of emotions-joy over our new grandson and sadness about my mother-in-law. Lord, thank you for my precious new grandson born today! Please be with my mother-in-law tonight and in the difficult days that lie ahead. Give her Your peace, Lord. Give me peace too, Lord, as I see my husband continue to deteriorate. Grant me patience also, and help me to concentrate on the many blessings and joys in my life and not on the difficulties.”
My mother-in-law passed away on September 2, 2010 from her cancer, and my husband passed away on January 2, 2011 from his disease. My grandson, however, is a healthy delightful nearly three year old child. Yes, life is a mixture of joy and sadness.
Dear Christian caregiver, caregiving challenges and life in general can sometimes be very overwhelming. Remember, however, that even in the sadness of caregiving there are many joys. Look for these blessings Also remember that life on this earth will always be a mixture of joys and sadness. Know, however, that God will be with you each step of the way.
“Our new grandson was born this morning! He weighed 9 pound, 9 ounces and is 21 1/2 inches. His name is William Wayne, William for his great-grandpa and Wayne for his grandpa (my husband.) I took care of William’s sisters while my son and his wife were at the hospital. This is our first grandson after 6 granddaughters from our three sons.
On a sad note my mother-in-law had her cancer surgery also today. They were able to get much of her large tumor, but there are many little tumors that they could not get. Chemo will follow later which will hopefully suppress but not cure the cancer. Even with all this they say she most likely has 18 months to 2 years of good life before it will come back.
So today is such a mixture of emotions-joy over our new grandson and sadness about my mother-in-law. Lord, thank you for my precious new grandson born today! Please be with my mother-in-law tonight and in the difficult days that lie ahead. Give her Your peace, Lord. Give me peace too, Lord, as I see my husband continue to deteriorate. Grant me patience also, and help me to concentrate on the many blessings and joys in my life and not on the difficulties.”
My mother-in-law passed away on September 2, 2010 from her cancer, and my husband passed away on January 2, 2011 from his disease. My grandson, however, is a healthy delightful nearly three year old child. Yes, life is a mixture of joy and sadness.
Dear Christian caregiver, caregiving challenges and life in general can sometimes be very overwhelming. Remember, however, that even in the sadness of caregiving there are many joys. Look for these blessings Also remember that life on this earth will always be a mixture of joys and sadness. Know, however, that God will be with you each step of the way.
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