Other Life Lessons Taught

 

(Below is another chapter from my book, Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers.  This book was written after caring for my first husband, Wayne, for four and a half years. Recently my second husband, Bob entered an assisted living care facility.  Even with that, the care and concerns for one's loved ones do not stop.  So I still have and always will have a heart for family caregivers.)

"In my last meditation we talked about some of the life lessons taught by care-giving. There are so many lessons a caregiver can learn through his or her experience with care-giving that it can not be contained in just one entry, however. I am sure we could fill many pages talking about life lessons learned while being a caregiver.

Care-giving by its nature teaches what is important and what is not important. It teaches that frivolous material things are NOT important. Family and relationships ARE important. As a caregiver, I was also reminded that my treasures did not lie in earthly things but it heavenly things. My faith in my Lord God and my relationship with Him was and is alone of supreme value. Care-giving, because of its challenges and sometimes heartaches, further often tested my beliefs between what I said I believed and what I really believed in regards to my faith in my Lord.

Another important truth learned from care-giving is that God is good. Circumstances may be bad, but God is good. God is the very definition and essence of goodness. He proved that by sending His son on the cross. Thus, He can help and guide caregivers who are struggling to make their way through the maze of making impossible and confusing decisions about their loves one’s care. He can help caregivers who are struggling to keep emotional and spiritual equilibrium in the midst of the heartaches of seeing their loved ones decline in their health.

Care-giving further teaches that joy can coexist in the midst of the heartaches and grief that often accompany care-giving. This is because joy is not based on circumstances which are favorable or perfect. Rather it is based on a relationship with the Lord.

Finally, care-giving teaches that God is sovereign and in control. Nothing happens to a Christian caregiver (or his or her loved one) that is not filtered through God's love. This is true even in the heartbreaking events which often accompany care-giving.  When this truth is accepted, it a soft place to land when overwhelmed with care-giving difficulties or life’s difficulties in general.

Knowing I could trust that God loved me and was in control in the midst of the confusion and grief of  my husband's disease and eventual death made and continues to make all the difference in the world. Dear christian caregiver, never forget that the Lord loves you; and He is good. He is in control."

Here is the link to the order page for my book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Caregiver-Sharon-Vander-Waal/dp/1629524263/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1482027543&sr=1-1&keywords=Dear+Caregiver  It is also found at Barnes and Noble and elsewhere online.  Finally, you can contact me personally for a signed copy.  Email me for specifics at jesuschild54@hotmail.com



　　

Valuable Lessons Taught

 

(On January 10th my huband, Bob, entered an assisted living home.  It was both sad and joyful at the same time, because we could see God's fingerprints all over His working in this.  We also deeply felt the prayers of those who were praying for us 

The following post is a chapter from my book, Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers.  I published that book in 2014 after being a caregiver for my first husband, Wayne.  Since  I now find myself in a family care-giving situation again,my heart is still with family caregivers.  I think I will always have a heart for family caregivers).

"Care-giving by its very nature, tends to teach valuable life lessons. In many ways, care-giving is a grief process for caregivers, as they see their loved ones continue to decline. As a caregiver for my husband for over four and one half years I also found the care-giving experience to be a great teacher, however.

I think care-giving and its challenges teach us that God uses even the difficulties and heartbreak of care-giving for ultimate good. Care-giving (and life in general) is often difficult.  Yet we know that God does not waste our sorrows. When we think of Jesus on the cross we know that eternal life came from that death on the cross. From something as awful as Christ’s crucifixion came the best thing that could possibly happen, namely our salvation. So very good things come from very bad things. The cross illustrates that to us. In the same way, God brings ultimate good out of the heartbreak of care-giving. He uses care-giving to build our characters and draw us closer to Himself. God never wastes our sorrows.

I think care-giving also teaches us that life is always out of our control.  Hence, seeking self-sufficiency is a terrible place to be. Delusions of strength and self-sufficiency will, in fact, hurt us. Caregivers soon realize that the role of care-giving is too big for them in their own strength. Realizing their need for their dependence on the Lord is essential.  Acknowledging one’s weakness and dependence on the Lord is a good thing. It is a valuable lesson to learn. Care-giving often teaches that lesson.

For a variety of reasons sometimes others will let us down and not be there when we need them. The Lord, however, will never let us down or betray us.  He alone is the One to whom we can go and pour out our hearts, and also allow Him to speak to us. The Christian caregiver can speak to the Lord all through the day, at any moment. Care-giving and it’s difficulties allows the caregiver an opportunity to pray like never before.  I do not know what I would have done without the presence of the Lord in my life during those difficult care-giving years.  So care-giving teaches us the value of prayer

Finally, care-giving teaches the need for the promises of the Bible to sustain us. As a caregiver, I found that it was essential to try to begin every day in God’s Word. God’s Word contains so many awesome promises of His care, guidance, and presence. Hence, I found the promises of the Bible comforting and necessary in my duties as a caregiver. Care-giving is so very emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining. Without the promises of God’s Word I do not think I could have survived my care-giving days.

Dear Christian caregiver, read God’s Word.   Study it, meditate on it, memorize it, and internalize it. Christian caregiver, lean on the Lord and on His promises in the Bible; and trust that He will bring good out of the chaos of care-giving."
　

(Here is the link to the order page for my book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Caregiver-Sharon-Vander-Waal/dp/1629524263/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1482027543&sr=1-1&keywords=Dear+Caregiver  It is also found at Barnes and Noble and elsewhere online.  Finally, you can contact me personally for a signed copy.  Email me for specifics at jesuschild54@hotmail.com)

The New Year

 

As we enter yet a new year, the Lord desires that we hide ourselves in the peace that only He can give, in the peace of His presence.  We need to do this in everything we do, be it in the quiet moments or when we face difficult challenges.  We must do this when we face the day to day duties of care-giving for a love one, our own illness, a job loss, or a host of other possible trials.  We all need to do this, as we walk the path God has assigned to us.  As we do this, remember the Lord's presence is in us and beside us.  He also walks in front of us and behind us.

Dear Reader, I know the burdens of life at times can become heavy.  Life can become challenging at times.  We can walk with joy in our hearts, however, if we remember that the Lord is our burden-carrier. The Lord says in John 16:33 of the New Testament of the Bible that in this world we will have burdens and trouble, but He goes on to say, "But take heart!  I have overcome the world!"

 2023 had some difficult challenges for me, as I found and contine to find myself once again in a family caregiving situation.  2024 is also beginning to prove challenging.  Yet God has never failed me.  In fact, He never will fail me.  He will not fail you either, dear Reader.  Psalm 31:19 says, "How great is Your goodness which You have stored up for those who fear You." We don't need to fear outside circumstances.   Instead we need to stand in fear and awe of the Lord and to hunger and thirst for His presence.  The psalmist in Psalm 63:7 of the Old Testament of the Bible says, "Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings."

This is the pathway to peace no matter what the circumstances.  May we all endeavor to rest in that peace.  May we resolve to walk in His presence throughout this coming year. 

Christmas Blessings Reviewed

 

Christmas is past.  The new year is around the corner.  Let's sit back and reflect on all that we have talked about this month concerning Christmas and Jesus' birth.  We talked about Jesus' mother and the surrender she made to become Jesus' Mom.  We also talked about how we also have to surrender ourselves to the Lord in trust.  That post is found here:  https://christiancaregiving.blogspot.com/2023/12/a-surrendered-life.html 

In another week in December we discussed the wonderful gifts of Christmas, gifts which are more wonderful than the ones that our under the tree.  That post is found here:  https://christiancaregiving.blogspot.com/2023/12/gifts.html 

Finally in yet another post we exalted in the wonderful truth that Jesus' birth brought light into a world of darkness and sin.  It brought light into our lives as His children as well.  Also someday  because of what Jesus did for us, there will be no more tears, heartaches and trials.  There will one day be no more night.  You can find that post here:  https://christiancaregiving.blogspot.com/2023/12/no-more-night.html

No More Night

Shepherds were in the field watching over their sheep.  It was night, so darkness pervaded the atmosphere.  Perhaps there were stars in the sky, but because it was nighttime it was still very dark.  Suddenly an angel appeared in the sky saying to the shepherds, "Do not be afraid.  I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  Today in the town of David a Savior had been born to you, He is Christ the Lord." (Luke 2:10)  Then to the shepherd's astonished eyes the sky was filled with a host of angels praising and glorifying God!  The darkness had been turned to light! 

Because of  our Savior's birth,  His perfect life lived for us, and His death on the cross to pay for our sins;  our darkness has been turned to light as well!   If we have accepted the free gift of His salvation, we stand forgiven.  We are then children of the Light.  The Lord Jesus is then living in us through His Spirit.  His light is in us!  We have a spiritual inheritance and the promise of eternal life!  

Some day the Lord Jesus will return on the clouds of glory for a second time. He will not return to this earth as a baby again, but as our glorious and victorious Lord.  Until the day that He returns, however, we have not yet received our full inheritance as His children.  Although we experience joy in Him already; we still encounter trials, suffering, tears, and heartaches at times in this life.  When He returns Revelation 21 in the Bible tells us that He will erase all our fears, heartahces, and tears.  On that day there will be no more night.  All will be perfect joy in His presence!

As children of the light we need to tell others about this wonderful gift of light and life that we have received from the Lord.  We need to tell others this good news because of our appreciation to Him for what He has done for us and given to us.  We need to tell others so that they too can accept and experience this gift of light.  

Below I have posted a link to the song, "No More Night."  Just click on the link to enjoy and experience this song. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iPIi7sunEU&list=RD4iPIi7sunEU&start_radio=1

Gifts

 

What kind of Christmas do you anticipate this year? Perhaps your Christmas will involve a lot of extra work for you in addition to the challenges and responsibilities of other life activities, or perhaps you are feeling isolated and ignored and all alone this Christmas in your daily burdens. Instead, however, perhaps you will experience Christmas this year as a reminder of your blessings and as a blessed respite from the drama of life's challenges.

Whatever we experience this Christmas and with every gift we receive at Christmas or at any time of year we have to open our hands to receive the gift; or the gift does not benefit us or give us any joy. The gifts we receive which are eternally precious, however, are the gifts which God wants to give us.

The Lord first offers us the gift of salvation which is what Christmas and walking with the Lord is all about. He further offers us the accompanying gifts of joy, peace, and hope. They are ours for the taking; and yes, they can coexist with the pain and heartache which often are present in life. Further, the Lord promises us a happy ending. That happy ending is eternal life. Christian reader, the heartaches that sometimes come in life are but a comma in your life story. They are not the end of your life’s story. They are not the end of your loved ones' life stories either.

We also can all receive other gifts. We can receive the gift of trust in God and letting Him control our lives. We receive this gift by resting in Him and by letting go of anything which we are holding onto too tightly or trying to control.

We further all have to let go of feelings of unforgiveness for people who have not been there for us. We further have to receive the gift of forgiveness for ourselves.  We have to bring to the Lord any true wrongs, and ask for His forgiveness. Further, we often carry around a lot of false guilt about things beyond our control. So whether false guilt or true guilt, we need to let it go. We need to give it to the Lord. Trust and letting go are great gifts to have in our lives.  Receive the gift of releasing it to the Lord.

One great gift we can give ourselves is the gift of acceptance of our situation. We often waste so much energy wishing circumstances were different, but we can rest assured that we are right where we are supposed to be in our lives. Dear Reader, your responsibilities may be emotionally overwhelming at times, but in the measure that you can accept where God has placed you now in your life you will find joy. It is a great gift you can give yourself.

Yet another wonderful gift we can give ourselves is the gift of being still in the presence of God. (Psalm 46:10) Doing this helps us grow in peace, wisdom, and insights. Finally, we can give ourselves the gift of gratitude. When we are grateful in spite of our circumstances our joy and blessings will multiply and resentments will flee.

Would not these be wonderful gifts to have in your life? These are wonderful gifts not just for Christmas but all year long!

A Surrendered Life

 

"I am the Lord's servant."  Mary answered.  "May it be to me as you have said."  These were the words of Mary after the angel told her that she would become the earthly mother of the Savior, Jesus.   These were words of surrender on her part.  It was a great honor for her to be chosen for this job.  Yet it would involve sacrifice.  Would her family and friends think she had committed an act of adultery?  Would Joseph think that?  Would she be ostracized by the people of her town and culture?  Mary's surrender would also involve great sorrow, as she saw Jesus hang on the cross. 

Mary was willingly surrendering from a heart full of love for her God.  She was not serving God just so she would be blessed, or because she was hoping the Lord would meet and fulfill her secret desires and agenda.  She was also not seeking to serve the Lord out of sense of obligation.  She was serving the Lord out of a heart filled with gratitude, praise, and love for Him.  Her heart was a heart that was truly surrendered to the Lord's will, purpose, and agenda.  Wherever the Lord placed her in her life or wanted her to do, she wanted to be there wholeheartedly serving Him.

Obstacles to full surrender to the Lord in our lives include doubt concerning His sovereignty and love for us, a desire to control circumstances ourselves instead of leaving them in God's hands, not focusing on the Lord, and a lack of thankfulness.  Other obstacles include fear, lack of true intimacy with the Lord, and no experience of the Lord's joy in one's life.

Like Mary, however we can experience the love of God and willingness to surrender to Him in our lives.  Mary Tutterrow says the following in her book, The heart of the Caregiver from Overwhelmed to Overjoyed, "We will EXPERIENCE the love of God when we are willing to do whatever He asks us to do, however, He want us to do it trusting Him completely for the outcome.  That is surrender!  It's only when we are doing things His way, for His reasons, according to His timing-not according to our own plans or will-that we can do things we never thought we could do, love people we never thought we could love, overcome obstacles that seemed insurmountable, and experience His love and power working in and through us."  

This is the surrendered life that Mary and a host of other Biblical people lived.  All failed and faltered at times, but they also experienced the joy of a surrendered life throughout their lives.  We can experience that joy as well.