What Word Will Direct You This Year?

Perhaps like me you have seen a link on Facebook recently which asks the question, "What is your word for 2016?" What word or phrase is going to be your word or your goal this year, dear caregiver? Perhaps another way this question could be stated is to ask, "What word is going to characterize your actions and attitudes this year?  What are the desires of your heart in this area, dear caregiver?"

In the past as a caregiver I was sometimes challenged to answer this question. One of the answers I gave in the past was "letting go" or release.  By that I meant letting go of the worries and anxieties that I sometimes clung to as a caregiver for my husband with an ever declining health. We in fact talked about that very concept of "letting go" in my blog post last week. Another answer I gave in the past to that question was the word "hope" or resting things with the Lord.

These are all good words or goals to drive us along our sometimes difficult paths. This year I would like to make my word for the year to be intimacy.  By that I mean practicing the presence of the Lord. I already love the intimacy I have with the Lord especially during my devotional time each morning. My personal love for the Lord has grown immensely during these past few years, and I have seen evidences of  His love for me in my life in numerous ways.  Yet I want to see that grow even more.

It is so easy for me to have an intimate time with the Lord during my devotion time. After I get up from my devotional time, however, sometimes it is also easy to respond with panic or despair when situations arise which are unplanned or out of my control.  It is easy in those cases to try to "fix" things in my own strength.  This year I want to be continually reminding myself of the presence of the Lord and that He is in control.  I want to experience His intimate presence moment by moment.

If I do that I will be able to "let go" of the worries and anxieties.  I will be able to rest things with the Lord.  If I have this kind of intimacy with the Lord on a moment by moment basis, I will also have a thankful attitude.  I will be thankful for all the material and spiritual blessings.  I will further be thankful for the difficult moments because these difficult moments are working to make me more like the Lord Jesus.  Then too my joy will increase no matter what is going on in my life at the moment.

So I am going to seek to make "intimacy" my word for the year-an ever increasing awareness of the Lord right beside me.  What word will direct you this year, dear caregiver?  Feel free to share your word or phrase below in the comment section.


(You also may be interested in clicking on the link below.  It is a devotional blog post on Psalm 16.  It is a post from my other blog called Moments with God.  It ties in nicely with what we are talking about in the post above.)

http://scripturemoments.blogspot.com/2016/01/psalm-16.html

Letting Go

Often caring for a terminally ill loved one can become so overwhelming that it can stir up all kinds of negative emotions. I think this is also true of any difficult or heartbreaking life challenge.
     

I was a caregiver for my husband for about four and a half years. By the fall of 2010 my husband’s disease had progressed to the point that he was pretty much dependent on me for everything. At that time I found myself becoming increasingly stressed. By God’s grace, through the extra help of my son, and the use of a lift we were able to navigate through that period of time. Little did I know at that time that just a few months later on January 2, 2011 my husband would pass into eternal life. 

     

In November of 2010 I was challenged to write about my thoughts on the idea of letting go. Below are the words that I scribed at that time:  

“I want to let go of fear for the future. My husband’s health is declining, and there have been significant changes lately. It is easy to fear the future, but I want to let go of fear, and I want to just trust. I want to let go of fear and replace it with trust, faith, and peace. I also want to let go of the daily stress or any form of self-pity that I feel, and just take a more peaceful attitude about the events of the day. I want to approach them calmly step by step.
     

I want to let go of “what ifs” from my thinking. I want to let go of how I wish things were in my life, and I want to truly accept things as they are. I want to let go of both the expectations I have in my life of myself and the perceived expectations I think others have of me. I also want to let go of the expectations I have of others. I want to let go and watch God work.”
     

Dear Christian caregiver, what negative emotions do you need to work on releasing? Releasing them will add to your peace and even joy.  

The above post is taken from a chapter from my book Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers. It is available from Xulon, my publisher, Amazon, and Barnes and Noble. Amazon and Barnes and Noble have Kindle and Nook versions respectively. Here is the link to the order page for my book on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Dear-Caregiver-Sharon-Vander-Waal/dp/1629524263/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1451746045&sr=1-1

I recently discovered a Christian book site called DeeperShopping.com which is also carrying my book: The link for the order page for my book for that site can be found below. 

http://www.deepershopping.com/item/sharon-vander-waal/dear-caregiver/6160139.html   


Finally, if you want a book directly from me, you can e-mail me at jesuschild54@hotmail.com for specifics.        

Joy in the New Year

How will you enter this new year, dear caregiver?  Will you be able to face the new year with an attitude of gratitude and joy in spite of the challenges in your life and in the life of your loved one?

Yesterday was the fifth anniversary of my husband's death.  For four and a half years before that I was my husband's caregiver.  Seeing my husband's body deteriorate during those four and a half years was the most difficult experience I had ever endured.  It was a challenging and overwhelmingly difficult time.  Losing him eventually was also the heartbreak of my life.  I still miss him, and it still causes flashes of sadness in my heart when I think about those days of caring for him and when I think about his disease.  The anniversary of his death brings on a greater stirring up of those feelings

Yet these past years has also been a time when I have grown in my joy in the Lord.  Joy and difficult times can exist together.  This is because joy is not the same as happiness which is dependent on perfect circumstances.  In fact, I believe joy is often increased during difficult times in our lives.

A few weeks ago one of our pastors in our church preached a sermon on joy based on I Peter 1:3-9 in the Bible.  Read the passage for yourself, dear caregiver, and be blessed by the words there.  This passage points out that those who love the Lord have been given a great hope, a guaranteed future, an eternal inheritance.  Even now we are guarded and guided by our Lord and our faith until we will be with the Lord forever.  You do not need to walk the care-giving walk alone, dear caregiver.  The Lord wants to walk with you each step of the way. You can have communion with Him now, This is what can fill you with an "inexpressible and glorious joy," as you walk the difficult path of family care-giving, dear caregiver.

This is a  kind of joy that can't be psyched up in ourselves.  It is also not a joy which can be faked by putting on an appearance.  It is not a joy which can be found in superficial things or in everything going our way.  It can only be found in the Lord and in fixing our eyes on Him.

Sometimes the path to joy in us is surprising.  The path to that kind of joy often comes through suffering and difficult times.  I would not want to relive those difficult times of seeing my husband's body deteriorate before my eyes.  I also find widowhood to be very challenging at times.  But all these things have developed in me a deeper and sweeter faith.  It has grown my love for the Lord and increased my joy in Him.  These kinds of things also proves our faith to be genuine and makes us cling more to the Lord who is the object of our faith, hope, and joy.  He is the only lasting source of joy.  Everything else is temporary and of no ultimate value.

Dear caregiver, I am not trying to downplay your heartaches and challenges today.  I understand the discouragement of the overwhelming challenges and heartaches that often accompany family care-giving.  I lived them.  There are often times when you will not "feel" joyful.  We need to be honest with the Lord about our negative feelings in those moments.  In those moments, however, also look to the true source of joy, the Lord.  

The God of Healing

As a caregiver have you ever wondered why God does not heal your loved one’s devastating disease? Why did your loved one get his or her awful disease in the first place? Jesus Christ performed many miracles during His lifetime. Why doesn’t He perform a miracle in your loved one’s life? As a caregiver have you ever asked yourself these questions?
   
Jesus’ miracles in the Bible prove that He is a God of compassion and a God of healing. It proves that He cares about people with great needs. These miracles also prove that He is the Son of God. They further prove that He is a promise keeping God.
   
So why does God heal some people and not others? About a year after my husband was diagnosed with His serious neurological disease I was diagnosed with breast cancer. After eight months of treatment including chemo, a mastectomy, and radiation l am still doing well several years later. After four and one half years of suffering the declines and indignities of his disease, however, my husband died on January 2, 2011. So why was I healed, and my husband was not?
   
God IS a God of healing, and He DOES care about us, but He sees the big picture when we do not. He says to us as His children, “I am the One who was promised to you long ago. I am the One who saved you from your sins and made you My child. That in itself proves I am a God of miracles, and I have done a miracle in your life. I am the ultimate answer to all of your needs.”
   
Some people believe that Jesus Christ’s miracles prove that He will heal all of our bodily diseases. God at times has a reason for not healing all of our bodily diseases, however. Sometimes He has a greater purpose for those people who are not healed from their diseases. Often people can bring greater glory to God through their steadfastness in the midst of their disease.
   
For those who believe God will heal every bodily disease God says, “You have missed the point of my healing! You just don’t get it! You are so focused on what you hope to receive from Me that You have missed ME. I am the great God of the universe who loves you with an infinite love, and I want to give you much more than physical healing. I want to give you MYSELF!”
   
Dear Christian caregiver, embrace the God of ultimate healing and the God who will meet all your ultimate needs. Ask Him to give you a willing heart to embrace His plan and purpose for your life even in the heartaches of care-giving and often seeing your loved one decline in his or her health.  Embrace Him.



(This post is a chapter in my book Dear Care-giver Reflections for Family Caregivers. It can be purchased from Xulon, my publisher, and also from Amazon and Barnes and Noble online. The Amazon link to the order page for my book is here: http://www.amazon.com/Dear-Caregiver-Sharon-Vander-Waal/dp/1629524263/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1447101820&sr=1-1




Also consider visiting my other blog, a devotional blog. The link for that is posted at the top of my November 22 blog post here.

Christmas Hope Not Worries

(The following post is from a blog post that I published in 2014.  Once again, I pray that the Lord is blessing your Christmas with His love and comfort, dear caregiver.)

December is the month that we think of Christmas and hope.  Dear caregiver, is your life weighed down with care and worry this Christmas season; or is it filled with hope?  I remember my care-giving years during which I saw my husband continue to decline in his health step by step.  It was tempting at such times to give up hope.  Hope is something all of us can possess no matter how difficult our circumstances, however.

During the holiday season we are reminded of the birth of Jesus Christ.  Over two thousand years ago before Jesus was born most of the people were living without very much hope.  Then in Luke chapter two of the Bible we read that an angel appeared to Mary and told her that she was being blessed by God's grace in becoming the mother of Jesus.  Jesus Christ was coming as the Savior of His people!

Mary's response to this was openhearted acceptance (Luke 1:38).  Mary would suffer many immediate problems being the mother of Jesus.  She would experience many heartaches in her future. Because Mary now had hope, however, she was willing to accept God's will for her life with joy.  A life secure in the Lord's hope can move with confidence through life in spite of difficulties and challenges.

Life as a caregiver can be very heartbreaking and challenging.  There are times when the circumstances of care-giving can be overwhelming.  But like Mary in the Bible we too can have hope no matter what our circumstances.  Dear caregiver rest your care-giving heartaches with the Lord. Know that He is the source of strength and hope.  His hope is not a wishful thinking type of hope, but it is a hope based on His certain promises in the Bible.  His hope is secure and will never leave you.

Wonderful Gifts

(I am bringing back today a post that I published in December of 2013.  I hope you are experiencing a blessed Christmas season, dear caregiver.)

What kind of Christmas do you anticipate this year, dear Christian caregiver? Perhaps your Christmas will involve a lot of extra work for you in addition to the challenges and responsibilities of care-giving, or perhaps you are feeling isolated and ignored and all alone this Christmas in your care-giving responsibilities. Instead, however perhaps you will experience Christmas this year as a reminder of your blessings and as a blessed respite from the drama of care-giving.

Whatever we experience this Christmas and with every gift we receive at Christmas or at any time of year we have to open our hands to receive the gift; or the gift does not benefit us or give us any joy. The gifts we receive which are eternally precious, however, are the gifts which God wants to give us.

The Lord first offers us the gift of salvation which is what Christmas and walking with the Lord is all about. He further offers us the accompanying gifts of joy, peace, and hope. They are ours for the taking; and yes, dear Christian caregiver, they can coexist with the pain and heartache which often are present in care-giving. Further, the Lord promises us a happy ending. That happy ending is eternal life. Christian caregiver, the heartaches that sometimes accompany care-giving are but a comma in your life story. They are not the end of your life’s story. They are not the end of your loved one’s life story for whom you are caring either.

We also can all receive other gifts. We can receive the gift of trust in God and letting Him control our lives. We receive this gift by resting in Him and by letting go of anything which we are holding onto too tightly or trying to control. As a former caregiver I know how much we want to stop the progress of our love one’s disease, but much of this is beyond our control.

We also all have to let go of feelings of unforgiveness for people who have not been there for us. We further have to receive the gift of forgiveness for ourselves We have to bring to the Lord any true wrongs, and ask for His forgiveness. Further, we often carry around a lot of false guilt about things beyond our control. So whether false guilt or true guilt we need to let it go. We need to give it to the Lord. Trust and letting go are great gifts to have in our lives. Caregivers often carry around a lot of guilt. Dear caregiver, receive the gift of releasing it to the Lord.

One great gift we can give ourselves is the gift of acceptance of our situation. We often waste so much energy wishing circumstances were different, but we can rest assured that we are right where we are supposed to be in our lives. Dear Christian caregiver, your responsibilities are emotionally overwhelming at times. I know that because I experienced it, but in the measure that you can accept where God has placed you now in your life you will find joy. It is a great gift you can give yourself.

Yet another wonderful gift we can give ourselves is the gift of being still in the presence of God. (Psalm 46:10) Doing this helps us grow in peace, wisdom, and insights. Finally, we can give ourselves the gift of gratitude. When we are grateful in spite of our circumstances our joy and blessings will multiply and resentments will flee.

Christian caregiver, you have many challenges and sometimes you experience much emotional upheaval as a caregiver of your loved one. Would not these be wonderful gifts to have in your life? These are wonderful gifts not just for Christmas but all year long!

Delight Yourself in the Lord

Do you sometimes struggle with some of the promises of Scripture; as you care for your loved one, dear caregiver?  Psalm 37:4 in the Bible says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."  As a caregiver for my husband, I sometimes struggled with that verse. Watching my husband's body deteriorate step by step certainly did not feel like the desires of my heart were being met.  Losing him eventually to death certainly did not seem to meet that criteria either.  In both cases I felt my heart was breaking.

So what does the promise in this verse really mean?  I believe it means that if we delight ourselves in the Lord He will give us our greatest desire.  He will give us Himself.  It is only the Lord that can fill that longing we have in us for intimacy and for eternity.  We know this world is only temporary and does not satisfy.  Only He can satisfy that empty place within our souls.  I think this passage also means that if we delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires He wants us to have and not our own selfish or unwise desires.

That kind of delighting ourselves in the Lord is the only source of peace in times of trial.  It may be your only source of sanity and joy; as you face the often challenging and sometimes overwhelming moments of caring for your loved one, dear caregiver.  Your love for your Lord and your delight in the Lord is the only thing which is going to get you through those days.

Delighting in the Lord is like a refreshing oasis in the wilderness of family care-giving.   Just gritting our teeth and plowing ahead in our care-giving duties will eventually wear us out.  Seeking the diversions of the world's pleasures for respite will only prove temporary.  Finding pleasure in the Lord can get us through the most difficult of moments.  The Lord wants us to love Him with all our heart, soul, and mind and to love Him in an all-consuming way.  Sometimes difficulties in our lives (like family care-giving) actually awakens our hearts and emotions to the Lord.  It grows our love for the Lord and our intimacy with Him.  It helps us to delight ourselves in Him.  Rich blessings come from that in the midst of the challenges.

Dear caregiver, delight yourself in the Lord.  Love Him with all your heart.  Rest in Him.