My husband was diagnosed with his neurological disease in 2006. That summer our son and his family purchased our home in the country, and my husband and I moved to an apartment. We did this, because we knew my husband’s disease would get progressively worse. Therefore we knew it would not be possible for us to stay living in our country home of 27 years. We lived in the apartment for three and a half years, but in late February of 2010 we moved to a condo. On March 6, 2010 I journaled the following words:
“It is two weeks ago today that we moved into our new home. I really do love it. I love seeing the sun streaming into the living room windows in the early morning. I love the fact that my husband’s wheelchair is not blocking traffic areas nearly as badly as it did when we lived in our apartment. I am glad that my husband seems to like our new home also.
Even in our new home, however, caregiving issues continue to press heavy on my spirit at times. So much of caregiving is just plain gross, thankless, and just not a lot of fun. I must remind myself that this is my calling right now. I must remind myself that this is developing my character and stretching my faith. I must remind myself that even the difficult “gifts” of life (the troubles and trials) are good, if I don’t become bitter in the process and if I try to see God’s hand in even these things. Thank you, Lord, for Your presence in my life, for my family, for my friends, for my new home, for beautiful sunshiny weather, and for a host of other blessings. Make me also thankful for and in the difficulties of caregiving.”
Dear Christian caregiver, can you find the blessings in your life in spite of the difficulties and challenges of caregiving? It is so much easier to dwell on the negatives in our lives than to remember the positives in our lives. Furthermore, dear caregiver, can you see the blessings in even the very difficult tasks and heartaches of caregiving? Are you able to see God’s hand in the difficult “gifts” of life, the troubles and trials? May God bless you and help you as you fulfill this difficult but crucial calling in your life!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
A Different Kind of Caregiving
Three years ago this past Friday on February 24 my grandson was born. On the day he was born I spent part of that day and also the next couple days babysitting our new grandson’s three sisters. Their daddy (my son) would take them to see their Mom and little brother at the hospital in the evening, and then he would take them home to bed.
I enjoyed taking care of my granddaughters very much during that time. Taking care of my granddaughters was a time of caregiving, but to be honest this was a much more enjoyable type of caregiving than what I was doing with my husband.
This is because my granddaughters were so open and full of love and the joy of life. They were 6 years, 5 years, and 2 years old at the time. I was very tired at night after a day of taking care of three energetic children, but it is a good tiredness.
Caregiving for a loved one with a terminal illness is so different than the type of caregiving I described above, is it not, dear caregiver? The one describes life and potential. The other describes declines and often heartaches.
With both, however, dear Christian caregiver, there is hope. First of all, this life we live on this earth is not all that there is. We have eternity ahead. Secondly, the Lord has promised to be with us each step of the way. Finally, even though we can not figure out the “whys?” of our loved ones declines, God has promised to somehow bring beauty out of the chaos which so often is a part of our lives. Trust Him, dear caregiver.
I enjoyed taking care of my granddaughters very much during that time. Taking care of my granddaughters was a time of caregiving, but to be honest this was a much more enjoyable type of caregiving than what I was doing with my husband.
This is because my granddaughters were so open and full of love and the joy of life. They were 6 years, 5 years, and 2 years old at the time. I was very tired at night after a day of taking care of three energetic children, but it is a good tiredness.
Caregiving for a loved one with a terminal illness is so different than the type of caregiving I described above, is it not, dear caregiver? The one describes life and potential. The other describes declines and often heartaches.
With both, however, dear Christian caregiver, there is hope. First of all, this life we live on this earth is not all that there is. We have eternity ahead. Secondly, the Lord has promised to be with us each step of the way. Finally, even though we can not figure out the “whys?” of our loved ones declines, God has promised to somehow bring beauty out of the chaos which so often is a part of our lives. Trust Him, dear caregiver.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Joy and Sadness
Life is such a mixture of joy and sorrows, is it not? This was especially evident to me on February 24, 2009. On that day my little grandson was born. That day was also the day of cancer surgery for my mother-in-law. Furthermore, at that time I was right in the middle of my caregiving days with my husband, Wayne. It was a time of constant declines in his health. Below is what I journaled on that day:
“Our new grandson was born this morning! He weighed 9 pound, 9 ounces and is 21 1/2 inches. His name is William Wayne, William for his great-grandpa and Wayne for his grandpa (my husband.) I took care of William’s sisters while my son and his wife were at the hospital. This is our first grandson after 6 granddaughters from our three sons.
On a sad note my mother-in-law had her cancer surgery also today. They were able to get much of her large tumor, but there are many little tumors that they could not get. Chemo will follow later which will hopefully suppress but not cure the cancer. Even with all this they say she most likely has 18 months to 2 years of good life before it will come back.
So today is such a mixture of emotions-joy over our new grandson and sadness about my mother-in-law. Lord, thank you for my precious new grandson born today! Please be with my mother-in-law tonight and in the difficult days that lie ahead. Give her Your peace, Lord. Give me peace too, Lord, as I see my husband continue to deteriorate. Grant me patience also, and help me to concentrate on the many blessings and joys in my life and not on the difficulties.”
My mother-in-law passed away on September 2, 2010 from her cancer, and my husband passed away on January 2, 2011 from his disease. My grandson, however, is a healthy delightful nearly three year old child. Yes, life is a mixture of joy and sadness.
Dear Christian caregiver, caregiving challenges and life in general can sometimes be very overwhelming. Remember, however, that even in the sadness of caregiving there are many joys. Look for these blessings Also remember that life on this earth will always be a mixture of joys and sadness. Know, however, that God will be with you each step of the way.
“Our new grandson was born this morning! He weighed 9 pound, 9 ounces and is 21 1/2 inches. His name is William Wayne, William for his great-grandpa and Wayne for his grandpa (my husband.) I took care of William’s sisters while my son and his wife were at the hospital. This is our first grandson after 6 granddaughters from our three sons.
On a sad note my mother-in-law had her cancer surgery also today. They were able to get much of her large tumor, but there are many little tumors that they could not get. Chemo will follow later which will hopefully suppress but not cure the cancer. Even with all this they say she most likely has 18 months to 2 years of good life before it will come back.
So today is such a mixture of emotions-joy over our new grandson and sadness about my mother-in-law. Lord, thank you for my precious new grandson born today! Please be with my mother-in-law tonight and in the difficult days that lie ahead. Give her Your peace, Lord. Give me peace too, Lord, as I see my husband continue to deteriorate. Grant me patience also, and help me to concentrate on the many blessings and joys in my life and not on the difficulties.”
My mother-in-law passed away on September 2, 2010 from her cancer, and my husband passed away on January 2, 2011 from his disease. My grandson, however, is a healthy delightful nearly three year old child. Yes, life is a mixture of joy and sadness.
Dear Christian caregiver, caregiving challenges and life in general can sometimes be very overwhelming. Remember, however, that even in the sadness of caregiving there are many joys. Look for these blessings Also remember that life on this earth will always be a mixture of joys and sadness. Know, however, that God will be with you each step of the way.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Your Divine Valentine
I journaled the following words on February 14, 2009:
“I just got back from babysitting three of my little granddaughters at their house. That way my son and his wife could go out for Valentine’s day. It was fun doing this for them. It was also nice that my son and his wife could go out together, as baby number four is coming on Feb 24. The last years especially my husband and I would often go out to eat on Valentine’s Day, and we would exchange cards. This year there was nothing. I miss that. I gave him a card, but that was it. My husband’s disease has changed so many things in our lives. My Lord expresses His love to me in many ways every day, however. When one has that one has everything.”
Dear Caregiver, do you ever feel the sorrow of things lost? Do you ever miss the way things were in the past with your loved for whom you are caring? Does the approach of holidays such as Valentine’s day make you feel melancholy and sad?
During those moments of sadness remember that the Lord loves you with an infinite love. He in effect is your Divine Valentine. He is sufficient. He alone can give you all that you need. Below is a poem called Your Divine Valentine:
Your Divine Valentine
A Valentine may play a love song for you, but God sings you the sweetest love song in the universe. (Zephaniah 3:17)
A Valentine may give you flowers, but God sent you the most beautiful rose of all, Jesus. (Song of Solomon 2:1)
A Valentine may bring you chocolate, but God provides you with something even sweeter, His Word. (Psalm 119:103)
A Valentine may love you for a lifetime, but God loved you before you were born and will love you for all eternity. (Jeremiah 31:3)
I am praying, dear Christian caregiver that you are blessed by the wonderful love of God this Valentine's Day and always! Be sure to check out the Bible references so you can unwrap evidences of God’s wonderful love for you.
“I just got back from babysitting three of my little granddaughters at their house. That way my son and his wife could go out for Valentine’s day. It was fun doing this for them. It was also nice that my son and his wife could go out together, as baby number four is coming on Feb 24. The last years especially my husband and I would often go out to eat on Valentine’s Day, and we would exchange cards. This year there was nothing. I miss that. I gave him a card, but that was it. My husband’s disease has changed so many things in our lives. My Lord expresses His love to me in many ways every day, however. When one has that one has everything.”
Dear Caregiver, do you ever feel the sorrow of things lost? Do you ever miss the way things were in the past with your loved for whom you are caring? Does the approach of holidays such as Valentine’s day make you feel melancholy and sad?
During those moments of sadness remember that the Lord loves you with an infinite love. He in effect is your Divine Valentine. He is sufficient. He alone can give you all that you need. Below is a poem called Your Divine Valentine:
Your Divine Valentine
A Valentine may play a love song for you, but God sings you the sweetest love song in the universe. (Zephaniah 3:17)
A Valentine may give you flowers, but God sent you the most beautiful rose of all, Jesus. (Song of Solomon 2:1)
A Valentine may bring you chocolate, but God provides you with something even sweeter, His Word. (Psalm 119:103)
A Valentine may love you for a lifetime, but God loved you before you were born and will love you for all eternity. (Jeremiah 31:3)
I am praying, dear Christian caregiver that you are blessed by the wonderful love of God this Valentine's Day and always! Be sure to check out the Bible references so you can unwrap evidences of God’s wonderful love for you.
Monday, February 6, 2012
A Subject We Like to Avoid
Dear Christian caregiver, I am going to talk today about something we often do not like to discuss. In fact it is subject we like to avoid. It is a topic, however, that would be wise to discuss with your loved one for whom you are caring. It would be especially wise to discuss this topic with your loved one, if she or he is terminally ill. That topic is death.
My husband was diagnosed with a rare neurological disease called Multiple Systems Atrophy Type C in 2006. At the time of his diagnosis a time frame of 6-10 years until death was thrown out. Any internet site I visited suggested the same time frame. In actuality my husband only lived four and a half years after diagnosis.
A few times during his illness my husband would say that he did not think he had long to live. I at the time thought that those statements of my husband were merely depression speaking. This was logical in my mind, because depression can accompany neurological disease. I felt as if I did not want to feed into that depression. I would often say, “You don’t know that. You could outlive me.”
Now I believe that was a wrong approach. I believe I should have openly discussed with my husband about his feelings about death. It most likely would have been helpful to him on an emotional level to have talked about this with me. It also could have been the source of some deep spiritual discussions, as my husband was a believer and child of God. It further would have helped me to better know his wishes for the funeral and other matters.
I think my husband may have been more in tune with reality at that time than I. Perhaps I was in denial about how close to death he must be, because of his constant declines.
Dear Christian Caregiver, death is never a pleasant subject to discuss, but its reality is not going to go away by not discussing it. Consider discussing these matters with your loved one especially if they bring up the subject. Their eventual death is not going to be hastened by your discussion of it. The date of that death is in God’s hands.
Unless dementia prevents it I would strongly suggest discussing his or her eventual death honestly and openly with your loved one for whom you are caring. Remind your loved one that the process of dieing is not something anyone would chose, but we will all experience it unless Jesus returns first. Also remind him or her, however, that death for the Christian is merely a gateway to heaven and being with the Lord.
My husband was diagnosed with a rare neurological disease called Multiple Systems Atrophy Type C in 2006. At the time of his diagnosis a time frame of 6-10 years until death was thrown out. Any internet site I visited suggested the same time frame. In actuality my husband only lived four and a half years after diagnosis.
A few times during his illness my husband would say that he did not think he had long to live. I at the time thought that those statements of my husband were merely depression speaking. This was logical in my mind, because depression can accompany neurological disease. I felt as if I did not want to feed into that depression. I would often say, “You don’t know that. You could outlive me.”
Now I believe that was a wrong approach. I believe I should have openly discussed with my husband about his feelings about death. It most likely would have been helpful to him on an emotional level to have talked about this with me. It also could have been the source of some deep spiritual discussions, as my husband was a believer and child of God. It further would have helped me to better know his wishes for the funeral and other matters.
I think my husband may have been more in tune with reality at that time than I. Perhaps I was in denial about how close to death he must be, because of his constant declines.
Dear Christian Caregiver, death is never a pleasant subject to discuss, but its reality is not going to go away by not discussing it. Consider discussing these matters with your loved one especially if they bring up the subject. Their eventual death is not going to be hastened by your discussion of it. The date of that death is in God’s hands.
Unless dementia prevents it I would strongly suggest discussing his or her eventual death honestly and openly with your loved one for whom you are caring. Remind your loved one that the process of dieing is not something anyone would chose, but we will all experience it unless Jesus returns first. Also remind him or her, however, that death for the Christian is merely a gateway to heaven and being with the Lord.
Monday, January 30, 2012
A Thankful Heart
A thankful heart is something God expects of us. Thankfulness can also add joy to our lives in spite of adverse circumstances in our lives. Being a caregiver of a terminally ill loved one is one of life’s greatest challenges and heartaches. Finding joy in the midst of it can seem like an impossibility. As a caregiver for my husband for four and a half years, however, I knew I needed to find things for which to be thankful in order to emotionally endure and survive.
It is best to start thanking God for His presence and peace. Then try to write down at least three things each day for which you are thankful. I did this while I was a caregiver, and I found it very helpful. No matter how difficult your caregiving situation, there is something for which you can thank and praise the Lord each day.
A thankful heart opens up the very windows of heaven. Thankfulness gives one a foretaste of heaven itself. In the process these experiences provide even more reasons for gratitude because of the joy which enters your life through the avenue of a thankful heart.
Thankfulness comes from focusing one’s heart on the Lord throughout the day. It also come from looking for His wonders and treasures throughout the day. Remember, however, that sometimes these treasures come through pleasant experiences; and sometimes these treasures come through the difficult moments. (See Isaiah 45:3 in the Bible.) Valuable lessons are often learned in the dark and difficult experiences. Sometimes these experiences are the only way to learn dependence on God and trust in Him. This was and is certainly my experience as a caregiver for my husband and then during the grief time after his death.
Sometimes it seems so contrived to express thanks to God when we are feeling really down in the pits. It is best to express thanks anyhow, however. This is because thankfulness is the road to the presence of God and His peace. It is amazing, but in the measure we give thanks regardless of our feelings, God gives joy in spite of our circumstances.
Caregiving is an often overwhelming challenge. The difficulties and heartaches will not go away by simply pursuing a thankful heart. Those who are thankful, however, will be blessed even though their caregiving heartaches remain. Joy and pain can coexist. So dear Christian caregiver, what are you going to thank God for today?
It is best to start thanking God for His presence and peace. Then try to write down at least three things each day for which you are thankful. I did this while I was a caregiver, and I found it very helpful. No matter how difficult your caregiving situation, there is something for which you can thank and praise the Lord each day.
A thankful heart opens up the very windows of heaven. Thankfulness gives one a foretaste of heaven itself. In the process these experiences provide even more reasons for gratitude because of the joy which enters your life through the avenue of a thankful heart.
Thankfulness comes from focusing one’s heart on the Lord throughout the day. It also come from looking for His wonders and treasures throughout the day. Remember, however, that sometimes these treasures come through pleasant experiences; and sometimes these treasures come through the difficult moments. (See Isaiah 45:3 in the Bible.) Valuable lessons are often learned in the dark and difficult experiences. Sometimes these experiences are the only way to learn dependence on God and trust in Him. This was and is certainly my experience as a caregiver for my husband and then during the grief time after his death.
Sometimes it seems so contrived to express thanks to God when we are feeling really down in the pits. It is best to express thanks anyhow, however. This is because thankfulness is the road to the presence of God and His peace. It is amazing, but in the measure we give thanks regardless of our feelings, God gives joy in spite of our circumstances.
Caregiving is an often overwhelming challenge. The difficulties and heartaches will not go away by simply pursuing a thankful heart. Those who are thankful, however, will be blessed even though their caregiving heartaches remain. Joy and pain can coexist. So dear Christian caregiver, what are you going to thank God for today?
Monday, January 23, 2012
NO Pit So Deep
As a caregiver you may sometimes feel as if you are in a deep pit from which you cannot escape. The emotions of being responsible for the well being of your loved one who continues to decline before your very eyes can be overwhelming. Below are some words that I journaled on January 23, 2010. If you are a family caregiver, perhaps you can relate:
"Last night we watched the DVD “The Hiding Place.” It is about a Christian family in Holland who hid Jews in their home during Nazi occupation in World War II. They were eventually found out and captured. The father died about 10 days after capture, but the two sisters, Betsy and Corrie Ten Boom, were sent to a concentration camp.
In the horrors of concentration camp Betsy and Corrie came to the conclusion that there was no pit so deep that God does not go deeper. That movie was a real encouragement to me. Sometimes caregiving can seem like a real pit, but the Lord is with me each step of the way. My life is a piece of cake compared to what those ladies endured.
Having said that, however, there is no getting around it that sometimes caregiving is very difficult. I really have to struggle with patience and wisdom. Besides the difficult physical and mobility symptoms in my husband I am seeing some slowing down in his thinking. It is not that I can’t still rationally discuss some things with him, but as I said there is a slowing down in thinking.
He sometimes does have trouble controlling his emotions also in public. This usually manifests itself in laughing. Then there is the always the difficult task of communicating. He speaks with a mumble and does not speak clearly. Sometimes I ask him a yes or no question to try to make it easy for him, but then he talks around the question. That can be really frustrating. Then I suspect some depression is going on also. This whole process of decline physically and otherwise that I see in my husband seems like a slow death sometimes.
Adding to this stress we are planning on moving in about 4 weeks. We are scheduled to close on Feb. first on our new condo. We are moving from an apartment to a condo. Then we are scheduled to have a wheelchair ramp built starting on Feb. 2 for our condo. The plan is to move in Feb 20. My prayer is that the ramp will indeed be built the week after closing and that it will be easily usable with my husband, Wayne.
We have people from our church who have offered to move us and provide the trucks on moving day. I have seen one detail after another that I have been concerned about with this move fall into place, so why am I still stressing? I know our condo will be a sunny, more roomy place to live once we are moved in; but all the details to be taken care of before hand can be a little overwhelming. Sometimes my stress level feels like about 12 on a scale of 10.”
Dear Christian caregiver, the stress of caregiving can often be overwhelming. It can feel as if you are in an emotional pit that is so deep that you can not possibly crawl out of it. In those times remember the conclusions of Corrie and Betsy Ten Boon that there is no pit so deep that God does not go deeper.
"Last night we watched the DVD “The Hiding Place.” It is about a Christian family in Holland who hid Jews in their home during Nazi occupation in World War II. They were eventually found out and captured. The father died about 10 days after capture, but the two sisters, Betsy and Corrie Ten Boom, were sent to a concentration camp.
In the horrors of concentration camp Betsy and Corrie came to the conclusion that there was no pit so deep that God does not go deeper. That movie was a real encouragement to me. Sometimes caregiving can seem like a real pit, but the Lord is with me each step of the way. My life is a piece of cake compared to what those ladies endured.
Having said that, however, there is no getting around it that sometimes caregiving is very difficult. I really have to struggle with patience and wisdom. Besides the difficult physical and mobility symptoms in my husband I am seeing some slowing down in his thinking. It is not that I can’t still rationally discuss some things with him, but as I said there is a slowing down in thinking.
He sometimes does have trouble controlling his emotions also in public. This usually manifests itself in laughing. Then there is the always the difficult task of communicating. He speaks with a mumble and does not speak clearly. Sometimes I ask him a yes or no question to try to make it easy for him, but then he talks around the question. That can be really frustrating. Then I suspect some depression is going on also. This whole process of decline physically and otherwise that I see in my husband seems like a slow death sometimes.
Adding to this stress we are planning on moving in about 4 weeks. We are scheduled to close on Feb. first on our new condo. We are moving from an apartment to a condo. Then we are scheduled to have a wheelchair ramp built starting on Feb. 2 for our condo. The plan is to move in Feb 20. My prayer is that the ramp will indeed be built the week after closing and that it will be easily usable with my husband, Wayne.
We have people from our church who have offered to move us and provide the trucks on moving day. I have seen one detail after another that I have been concerned about with this move fall into place, so why am I still stressing? I know our condo will be a sunny, more roomy place to live once we are moved in; but all the details to be taken care of before hand can be a little overwhelming. Sometimes my stress level feels like about 12 on a scale of 10.”
Dear Christian caregiver, the stress of caregiving can often be overwhelming. It can feel as if you are in an emotional pit that is so deep that you can not possibly crawl out of it. In those times remember the conclusions of Corrie and Betsy Ten Boon that there is no pit so deep that God does not go deeper.
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