Forty-six years ago today on July 30, 1971 I married my husband, Wayne, the love of my life. He was a wonderful husband, and we had a good marriage. We raised three sons together and were able to see each of our sons marry Christian woman. For two of these weddings we had to travel internationally to witness the weddings. (God has a way of bringing surprises into our lives that we could never have envisioned.) Wayne and I were also able to experience together the birth of seven of our nine grandchildren. The last two grandchildren were born after Wayne's death, the last one in October.
As I said before our marriage was a good marriage. We faced some trials, but we faced them together with the Lord's help. Wayne was the love of my life. But the last few years of Wayne's life and of our marriage were very difficult. As you know from my previous blog posts these years were the years of Wayne's neurological disease. These were difficult years, as I saw Wayne deteriorate step by step until he was completely disabled. They were emotionally and physically draining years, and they took all the spiritual reserves that I had.
As I think about this anniversary of my wedding to Wayne, I am thankful for who Wayne was to me in my life. I am so thankful for the love that he showed me in so many ways. I also am saddened by the years that his dignity was slowly taken from him by his disease which step by step made him increasingly disabled. I am saddened by what I went through as his caregiver during those years.
Yet I am also joyful in the thought of Wayne being free from all that now and with the Lord. I am joyful in the realization that I know the Lord was with me every step and will continue to be with me every step of the way the rest of my life. Yet I miss my husband even after six and a half years, so I ask that you will pray for me especially today on the anniversary of our marriage.
I have learned so much through my care-giving experience and my grief experience. I have learned that dependence on the Lord is the only way to navigate this life. I have learned that weakness in my self is a good place to be, for then the strength of the Lord can be shown. Another words I am the strongest when I recognize my weakness, because then Christ's strength flows through me in amazing ways. I have learned that I am in control of nothing, but I am never alone. The Lord is with me step by step. My relationship with the Lord has become so very sweet, and I know He loves me and delights in me. I have learned that He is sufficient. Others may fail me, but He will not. I may not always understand His ways, but I can trust Him.
So, you too can depend on Him, dear caregiver. He is your strength in your weakness. He is in control and will walk with you each step of your care-giving journey and throughout your entire life. He loves you and will be with you, dear caregiver. Because of my experiences as a caregiver, it is my passion to encourage you in these things as a caregiver. That is why I write this blog, and that is why I wrote my book. I care about you, dear caregiver. God bless you in all you do.
If you would like to see some sweet memories of Wayne and I, one picture of our wedding day and also some pictures of our children when they were very little; go to the link below. Here is a link to my Pinterest folder concerning that: https://www.pinterest.com/jesuschild54/sweet-memories/
Also if you wish to order my book to encourage family caregivers here is the Amazon link to my order page: https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Caregiver-Sharon-Vander-Waal/dp/1629524263?ie=UTF8&keywords=Dear%20Caregiver&qid=1464624581&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books
My book is also found at Barnes and Noble and elsewhere online. My book is available in Kindle and Nook versions as well as paperback. Finally, you can get a copy directly from me as well. Just e-mail me at jesuschild54@hotmail.com for specifics, if you wish to go that route.
Sunday, July 30, 2017
Sunday, July 23, 2017
The Folly of Trying to Control
(This blog post is from a chapter of my book: Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers by Sharon Vander Waal. In many ways this post reflects the same sentiments expressed in my post called "Vulnerability" of a couple weeks ago.)
As a caregiver I remember sometimes thinking about the future and worrying about the progression of my husband’s terminal disease. I remember worrying about how I would take care of my husband after he became completely disabled. As it turned out the last months of my husband’s life especially did become very difficult, but the Lord also provided for those circumstances.
During the course of my husband’s disease in addition to worrying I felt very much that what I did or did not do would influence the speed with which the disease would progress. I think I subconsciously felt as if I had some control in my husband’s disease.
God, however wants us to trust Him enough to let life’s events unfold without striving to control or predict them. He wants us to relax in His unfailing love. When we try to predict or control the future in any way we are trying to be self-sufficient. God wants us to rely on Him alone.
Caregivers are loving and strong advocates for their loved ones. They often have to be. They also need to be responsible in providing any medical help possible for their loved ones. One thing caregivers must remember, however, is that in the end they cannot control the progression of their loved one’s disease. Only God can control this. Caregivers anxiously wringing their hands trying to control the uncontrollable can result in a losing out on the time they do have with their loved ones.
The better alternative to worrying about the future and trying to control the future is to live in the present moment depending fully on the Lord God. When I think back on my care-giving days I remember this was so difficult to do. Worrying and trying to control, however, leaves us fearing our own inadequacy. I remember those feelings also, dear caregiver. Instead in all of life’s struggles we need to rejoice in God’s abundant supply of strength which He gives us for each difficult situation as it arises.
Dear Christian caregiver, do not divide your life into things you think you can handle by yourself and things for which you need God’s help. The truth is you need help for it all. Rely on Him for every caregiving situation. Doing so will help you face each care-giving day with confidence.
As a caregiver I remember sometimes thinking about the future and worrying about the progression of my husband’s terminal disease. I remember worrying about how I would take care of my husband after he became completely disabled. As it turned out the last months of my husband’s life especially did become very difficult, but the Lord also provided for those circumstances.
During the course of my husband’s disease in addition to worrying I felt very much that what I did or did not do would influence the speed with which the disease would progress. I think I subconsciously felt as if I had some control in my husband’s disease.
God, however wants us to trust Him enough to let life’s events unfold without striving to control or predict them. He wants us to relax in His unfailing love. When we try to predict or control the future in any way we are trying to be self-sufficient. God wants us to rely on Him alone.
Caregivers are loving and strong advocates for their loved ones. They often have to be. They also need to be responsible in providing any medical help possible for their loved ones. One thing caregivers must remember, however, is that in the end they cannot control the progression of their loved one’s disease. Only God can control this. Caregivers anxiously wringing their hands trying to control the uncontrollable can result in a losing out on the time they do have with their loved ones.
The better alternative to worrying about the future and trying to control the future is to live in the present moment depending fully on the Lord God. When I think back on my care-giving days I remember this was so difficult to do. Worrying and trying to control, however, leaves us fearing our own inadequacy. I remember those feelings also, dear caregiver. Instead in all of life’s struggles we need to rejoice in God’s abundant supply of strength which He gives us for each difficult situation as it arises.
Dear Christian caregiver, do not divide your life into things you think you can handle by yourself and things for which you need God’s help. The truth is you need help for it all. Rely on Him for every caregiving situation. Doing so will help you face each care-giving day with confidence.
Sunday, July 16, 2017
Preparation for the Valley
(Following is a chapter from my book: Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers.)
Seeking to provide for my husband’s needs during my care-giving days could get emotionally heavy at times, but I feel my past experiences helped to prepare me somewhat for the care-giving challenges. One of these experiences actually coincided with the beginning stages of my care-giving days. That experience was my fight against breast cancer.
In July of 2007, about a year after my husband was diagnosed with his disease, I noticed a swelling in my right breast and under my arm. I was able to book an appointment with my physician’s assistant. She sent me for a mammogram and MRI the next day. A couple days later I received the devastating news that I did indeed have breast cancer and that the cancer had invaded my lymph nodes. The tumor in my breast was very large, and my doctor told me later that my lymph nodes were all gummed together.
A few days later I found myself at my oncologist’s office, and after a full body scan at the hospital I began chemo. I began chemo by the end of July of 2007. All together I had 8 chemo treatments in 3 week cycles, mastectomy surgery with all my lymph nodes under my arm removed, and 6 1/2 weeks of radiation daily. Side effects of chemo were fatigue, mild nausea sometimes, food tasting like cardboard, loss of all of my hair etc. Radiation caused some burning, but it was manageable. All treatment was completed in April of 2008!
During the time of my cancer treatments I had a host of people praying for me-even people across the ocean! We also had people from our church bringing in meals twice a week for a long time. I further had church people bringing me to all my chemo treatments and most of my radiation treatments. The medical people at my cancer care center were wonderful.
Cancer treatments would not be a time that I would want to go through again, but at the same time it was a time of blessing as well as hardship. It is hard to explain, but I became more free in my spirit and less concerned about other’s opinions as a result to this cancer experience. I experienced the love of other people, and most of all I experienced the love of my Lord and Savior in a new and fresh way. I learned dependence on the Lord God during those many months, and I grew in my faith. The Lord’s strength and His love to me demonstrated through others helped me through those months.
I still am miles away from having it altogether. Just perhaps, however, I will be able to face today and the days ahead with more of God’s strength, because of my cancer experience and my experiences with the heartaches of care-giving. The memory of those days will never go away. It has changed whom I am forever mostly for the good.
I know that there will always be problems in this life, but I am further certain that my Lord and Savior will be with me all through my life. I know He will give me the strength to handle anything I need to face in the future. Even in hard times God has promised to be with me and bless me and someday take me to live with Him eternally. Dear Christian caregiver rest in Him.
(Look on the side of this home page for a link to the order page for my book on Amazon. The book is also available at Barnes and Noble and elsewhere online. If you prefer a signed copy from me directly, just e-mail me at jesuschild54@hotmail.com for specifics.)
Seeking to provide for my husband’s needs during my care-giving days could get emotionally heavy at times, but I feel my past experiences helped to prepare me somewhat for the care-giving challenges. One of these experiences actually coincided with the beginning stages of my care-giving days. That experience was my fight against breast cancer.
In July of 2007, about a year after my husband was diagnosed with his disease, I noticed a swelling in my right breast and under my arm. I was able to book an appointment with my physician’s assistant. She sent me for a mammogram and MRI the next day. A couple days later I received the devastating news that I did indeed have breast cancer and that the cancer had invaded my lymph nodes. The tumor in my breast was very large, and my doctor told me later that my lymph nodes were all gummed together.
A few days later I found myself at my oncologist’s office, and after a full body scan at the hospital I began chemo. I began chemo by the end of July of 2007. All together I had 8 chemo treatments in 3 week cycles, mastectomy surgery with all my lymph nodes under my arm removed, and 6 1/2 weeks of radiation daily. Side effects of chemo were fatigue, mild nausea sometimes, food tasting like cardboard, loss of all of my hair etc. Radiation caused some burning, but it was manageable. All treatment was completed in April of 2008!
During the time of my cancer treatments I had a host of people praying for me-even people across the ocean! We also had people from our church bringing in meals twice a week for a long time. I further had church people bringing me to all my chemo treatments and most of my radiation treatments. The medical people at my cancer care center were wonderful.
Cancer treatments would not be a time that I would want to go through again, but at the same time it was a time of blessing as well as hardship. It is hard to explain, but I became more free in my spirit and less concerned about other’s opinions as a result to this cancer experience. I experienced the love of other people, and most of all I experienced the love of my Lord and Savior in a new and fresh way. I learned dependence on the Lord God during those many months, and I grew in my faith. The Lord’s strength and His love to me demonstrated through others helped me through those months.
I still am miles away from having it altogether. Just perhaps, however, I will be able to face today and the days ahead with more of God’s strength, because of my cancer experience and my experiences with the heartaches of care-giving. The memory of those days will never go away. It has changed whom I am forever mostly for the good.
I know that there will always be problems in this life, but I am further certain that my Lord and Savior will be with me all through my life. I know He will give me the strength to handle anything I need to face in the future. Even in hard times God has promised to be with me and bless me and someday take me to live with Him eternally. Dear Christian caregiver rest in Him.
(Look on the side of this home page for a link to the order page for my book on Amazon. The book is also available at Barnes and Noble and elsewhere online. If you prefer a signed copy from me directly, just e-mail me at jesuschild54@hotmail.com for specifics.)
Sunday, July 9, 2017
Vulnerability
Recently over the July 4th week-end I returned from a few days trip to visit family in IA and MN. I went with a widow friend of mine. It is about a 500 mile trip one way. Whenever my friend and I do this trip I always am more aware of my vulnerability. We are two widows, I pushing seventy years old and she seventy-one years old.
Yet as a recent devotion I read pointed out, there is very little in this earthly life that is secure. Even if I sit in my "secure" home all the time, something unplanned and even devastating can happen. The only true place of security is in the Lord and in my trust in His faithfulness.
I remember back to those days when I was a caregiver for my husband, Wayne. As I watched him deteriorate step by step and become more and more disabled, I felt very vulnerable and often fearful. Yet knowing I had a faithful God who was in control is what kept me going during those difficult days. He can also be your source of comfort and security, dear caregiver.
Feeling vulnerable is really a good place to be. This is because it makes us aware of our own weakness and limitations. This in turn can make us more willing to recognize that the Lord is the only one who is in control. It then draws us to His strength and power. We further begin to learn to rest things with Him and to trust Him to lead and guide us.
Our vulnerability also teaches us that the Lord is the only source of our joy. The things of this earth are insecure and will never provide lasting satisfaction. Only a relationship with the Lord can do that. That does not mean we will always feel "happy" in the way the world defines that word. There are many things in this world which make us sad, and joy is very different than happiness. Joy in the Lord is possible, however, in spite of circumstances. Joy is possible for you, dear caregiver, in spite of how difficult your care-giving experience with your loved one may become. This is because the Lord and not the empty things of this world is the source of joy.
Psalm 28:7 in the Old Testament of the Bible says this, "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song." Psalm 63:7-8 says, "Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me." (Both verses are from the NIV 1984 translation.) Realizing your own vulnerability is a good thing, dear caregiver. Rest in Him and in His strength. Find joy in Him.
Yet as a recent devotion I read pointed out, there is very little in this earthly life that is secure. Even if I sit in my "secure" home all the time, something unplanned and even devastating can happen. The only true place of security is in the Lord and in my trust in His faithfulness.
I remember back to those days when I was a caregiver for my husband, Wayne. As I watched him deteriorate step by step and become more and more disabled, I felt very vulnerable and often fearful. Yet knowing I had a faithful God who was in control is what kept me going during those difficult days. He can also be your source of comfort and security, dear caregiver.
Feeling vulnerable is really a good place to be. This is because it makes us aware of our own weakness and limitations. This in turn can make us more willing to recognize that the Lord is the only one who is in control. It then draws us to His strength and power. We further begin to learn to rest things with Him and to trust Him to lead and guide us.
Our vulnerability also teaches us that the Lord is the only source of our joy. The things of this earth are insecure and will never provide lasting satisfaction. Only a relationship with the Lord can do that. That does not mean we will always feel "happy" in the way the world defines that word. There are many things in this world which make us sad, and joy is very different than happiness. Joy in the Lord is possible, however, in spite of circumstances. Joy is possible for you, dear caregiver, in spite of how difficult your care-giving experience with your loved one may become. This is because the Lord and not the empty things of this world is the source of joy.
Psalm 28:7 in the Old Testament of the Bible says this, "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song." Psalm 63:7-8 says, "Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me." (Both verses are from the NIV 1984 translation.) Realizing your own vulnerability is a good thing, dear caregiver. Rest in Him and in His strength. Find joy in Him.
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