(This post is from a chapter from my book, Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers.)
Recently a caregiver on a care-giving site online wrote about her frustrations with always feeling that she had to wait. She talked about waiting for a doctor’s office to call her back and waiting for lab results concerning her loved one. She talked about waiting for the next step. She talked about waiting for her loved one to get sicker and her eventual death. She also talked about waiting for a cure for her loved one’s illness and wanting to wait for something good to happen but seeming to only think of the reality of her loved one’s illness and not the miraculous. She further talked about waiting for appreciation for all the things she does in her care-giving role and waiting for life to be normal again when she knows it never will be.
She said she feels like she is always waiting for something but doesn’t know what. She also talked about her life consisting of waiting potentially life and death decisions, and the pressure of knowing that she holds somebody’s life in her hands by the decisions that she makes. Finally, she talked about waiting on God to show her how to fulfill her purpose.
Looking back on my care-giving days I can so identify with many of her emotions.
We all would like to get better at waiting, because we do not feel that we do a very good job of waiting.
Recently I read a devotional on waiting which I thought was so applicable. The devotional pointed out that productive waiting involves waiting on God and directing our attention to Him in anticipation of what He will do. It involves trusting Him with every fiber of our being. It involves staying conscious of Him, as we go about our daily activities. It involves total dependence on Him realizing we cannot do it on our own.
I too so remember those stressful care-giving days when I was caring for my husband. I so remember the heartache of all the declines and the dread of how I was going to handle the future declines. The truth is that God was with me every step of the way. I see that in an even more focused way, as I look back on those days.
I think all the struggles (and waiting is part of those struggles) makes us stronger people. It helps to shape our characters. But this kind of character building is so painful, isn’t it? In the struggles of my personal life the last few years I have often thought, “I can do with a little less character building now, Lord.” You may have thought the same thing, dear caregiver, but there is a purpose in all this. It will also shape your future life.
Dear Christian caregiver, as my recent devotional went on to say God does give blessings to those who wait on Him in the measure that they wait on Him. He gives renewed strength, hope, and an awareness of His continual presence. I fell so far short of resting in Him during my care-giving years. I often let stress and anxiety come to the surface. Knowing He was in control, however, helped me through those days. Rest in Him, dear caregiver. Wait on Him.
Saturday, April 29, 2017
Sunday, April 23, 2017
The "Should Haves"
Family care-givers are notorious for engaging in false guilt and finding a way to blame themselves for every decline of their loved one. The truth is that we are not God. We can't control all the declines of our loved ones. The only thing we can do is to seek to be a tool in the Lord's hands providing the best possible care we know how to give to our loved ones. We are weak human beings, however, and in the end, only God is in control.
I recently read a post online about the second guessing caregivers do regarding the care that they give or gave to their loved ones. They tend to engage in the "should haves" and "if onlys" of situations that are out of their control. The post I mentioned earlier in this paragraph talks about some of these very things and suggests that the caregiver write a letter to themselves reminding themselves of the truths of their care-giving situation. The link to this post is below. Just click on the link below to read it. It is a good article for anyone who is a caregiver now or who was one in the past.
http://www.griefincommon.com/blog/caring-loved-one-letter-every-caregiver-write/
I recently read a post online about the second guessing caregivers do regarding the care that they give or gave to their loved ones. They tend to engage in the "should haves" and "if onlys" of situations that are out of their control. The post I mentioned earlier in this paragraph talks about some of these very things and suggests that the caregiver write a letter to themselves reminding themselves of the truths of their care-giving situation. The link to this post is below. Just click on the link below to read it. It is a good article for anyone who is a caregiver now or who was one in the past.
http://www.griefincommon.com/blog/caring-loved-one-letter-every-caregiver-write/
Sunday, April 16, 2017
Easter's Meaning for the Caregiver
(I am re-posting a post I wrote before at Easter.)
We are celebrating Easter today. What does Easter mean to you, dear Christian caregiver? How does it relate to family care-giving?
Easter means that the Lord Jesus came to this earth and lived a perfect life for you and me. He later died on the cross to pay the price for our sins, and then He arose again on the third day to prove that He had won over sin and death and Satan. If you and I have accepted his gift of salvation by repentance and faith, we are His child now and for eternity.
Easter also means that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, identifies with your pain and the pain of your loved one, dear caregiver. As you struggle to help your loved one who is perhaps fighting against an incurable disease, He identifies with you. Having suffered the worst possible pain for us on the cross He is able to sympathize with our heartaches and weaknesses. He is also an all powerful Savior to whom we can freely go for grace in our moments of sadness and overwhelming and crushing needs. Check out Hebrews 4:15-16 in the New Testament.
Because of Easter and Christ's sacrifice you can freely approach God the Father Himself with your and your loved one's needs, dear Christian caregiver. You can cry out to Him for help and call Him your “Abba Father,” because He considers you His special child. (Romans 8:15) Easter also means that when your heart is so weighed down with the heartaches and overwhelming circumstances of family care-giving that you do not even know how to pray, the Holy Spirit will intercede and pray for you! (Romans 8:26)
Easter for the caregiver means that although you will always face trials and troubles in this world, the Lord Jesus Christ has overcome the world. He is also your source of peace even in the most challenging of times. (John 16:33) Even in the overwhelming circumstances of family care-giving, even when we do not understand God's ways in allowing certain things in our lives, and even in the most unthinkable circumstances God is working for our ultimate good. We are victors in Him! (Romans 8:28)
Dear Christian caregiver, my hope for you would be that your loved one is healed on this earth. Whether he or she is healed on this earth or not, however, a child of God is whole and perfect upon entering heaven. No matter what happens in your care-giving situation you too, dear caregiver, will slowly heal emotionally and spiritually. God will always be with you, and joy will return one day. His love for you will never fail. He proved that love for you on the cross. That is the meaning of Easter for the caregiver and for all of us.
Easter means that the Lord Jesus came to this earth and lived a perfect life for you and me. He later died on the cross to pay the price for our sins, and then He arose again on the third day to prove that He had won over sin and death and Satan. If you and I have accepted his gift of salvation by repentance and faith, we are His child now and for eternity.
Easter also means that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, identifies with your pain and the pain of your loved one, dear caregiver. As you struggle to help your loved one who is perhaps fighting against an incurable disease, He identifies with you. Having suffered the worst possible pain for us on the cross He is able to sympathize with our heartaches and weaknesses. He is also an all powerful Savior to whom we can freely go for grace in our moments of sadness and overwhelming and crushing needs. Check out Hebrews 4:15-16 in the New Testament.
Because of Easter and Christ's sacrifice you can freely approach God the Father Himself with your and your loved one's needs, dear Christian caregiver. You can cry out to Him for help and call Him your “Abba Father,” because He considers you His special child. (Romans 8:15) Easter also means that when your heart is so weighed down with the heartaches and overwhelming circumstances of family care-giving that you do not even know how to pray, the Holy Spirit will intercede and pray for you! (Romans 8:26)
Easter for the caregiver means that although you will always face trials and troubles in this world, the Lord Jesus Christ has overcome the world. He is also your source of peace even in the most challenging of times. (John 16:33) Even in the overwhelming circumstances of family care-giving, even when we do not understand God's ways in allowing certain things in our lives, and even in the most unthinkable circumstances God is working for our ultimate good. We are victors in Him! (Romans 8:28)
Dear Christian caregiver, my hope for you would be that your loved one is healed on this earth. Whether he or she is healed on this earth or not, however, a child of God is whole and perfect upon entering heaven. No matter what happens in your care-giving situation you too, dear caregiver, will slowly heal emotionally and spiritually. God will always be with you, and joy will return one day. His love for you will never fail. He proved that love for you on the cross. That is the meaning of Easter for the caregiver and for all of us.
Saturday, April 8, 2017
The Caregiver and God's Presence
(This post is a chapter from my book: Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers. Information and links for ordering my book are at the bottom of this post as well as on the side of the blog page.)
When I was in the midst of care-giving for my husband I found great comfort in getting up early in the morning before my husband awakened and spending time in reading the Bible, reading caregiver devotionals, and spending time in prayer.
This time in the morning helped to remind me that my Lord was with me and present with me in my life each step of the way. Even now I find my morning devotional time so important to my emotional and spiritual well-being.
As I encountered the challenges of caring for my husband sometimes it was easy to get bogged down emotionally, however. This was especially true near the end of his disease when my husband could no longer help with transfers. It was easy in such moments to forget that God had promised in His Word to always be with me. It was easy to forget about His presence right beside me.
There is a story in the Bible in Luke 24 about two men who were walking along the road. Jesus had just risen from the grave, but these men did not believe that the happy resurrection event had occurred. As they were walking Jesus came along beside them and started talking with them. Later they sat down to a meal and began to eat with this “stranger” that they had met on the road. The Lord was right with them, but they did not recognize Him or His presence. Only later did their spiritual eyes open, and they recognized Jesus.
The same is true for us. The Lord God is right there with us, and so often we do not recognize His presence. As a caregiver the Lord was with me each step of the way. I can look back and see that with absolute certainty. Yet in the moment of caregiving there were times when it was difficult to see that.
Sometimes we are disappointed and feel overwhelmed when life does not go the way we hoped it would. I very much would have liked to have spent many years in happy retirement with my husband. Instead my husband was diagnosed with a terrible disease, and I was thrust into the difficult role as his caregiver. It is easy at times like these to forget the Lord God’s presence is right with us all the time. Sometimes we are so sad that we do not feel His presence or see His presence with our spiritual eyes.
That does not negate the truth that the Lord is always with us. I believe the Lord is especially with the caregiver who turns to Him and relies on Him. Dear caregiver, don’t miss the Lord’s presence right beside you. Pray that God will open your spiritual eyes so you can see and feel His presence.
(You can purchase my book online at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and elsewhere online. The amazon link to the order page for my book is here: https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Caregiver-Sharon-Vander-Waal/dp/1629524263/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1482027543&sr=1-1&keywords=Dear+Caregiver If you would prefer to get a signed copy from me directly e-mail me at jesuschild54@hotmail,com for specifics.
Saturday, April 1, 2017
Promises for Caregivers
I have found the Psalms in the Old Testament of the Bible to be a special blessing in my life. I especially find them comforting when I am going through difficult moments in my life. They can be a blessing to you as well, dear caregiver, as you go through the struggles and challenges of care-giving for your loved ones.
One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 34. Psalm thirty-four is a beautiful Psalm. Psalm thirty-four is filled with beautiful promises from the Lord to His people. A man named David wrote Psalm thirty-four when he was homeless and hiding from King Saul who was trying to take David's life. David could have concluded that he had nothing for which to be thankful. Instead David said in Psalm 34:1, "I will extol the Lord at all times; His praise will always be on my lips."
Notice David said his praises for the lord would be on his lips at ALL times. Do we praise the Lord at all times? Do you praise God even in the challenges of care-giving, dear caregiver? I remember that being a difficult thing to do, as I watched my husband's body decline step by step. Yet praising God in the difficult moments is the pathway to peace and joy even in those moments.
We must remember that God works all things together for our good. This does not mean that all of life's events are good in themselves. It does mean, however, that the Lord uses even what we consider the bad circumstances in our lives for our ultimate spiritual good. Through difficult times in our lives the Lord teaches us patience, perseverance, and dependence on Him rather than in ourselves. We grow spiritually during those times. Praising God in all circumstances is the secret to a life filled with joy. Praise on our lips and praise in our hearts for the Lord lifts us above our difficulties.
When David was in the midst of a difficult circumstance in his life he sought out the Lord, and the Lord delivered him from all his fears (Psalm 34:4). God did not deliver David from some of his fears but from ALL his fears. We also must bring all our fears and worries to the Lord, and we must leave them with the Lord. We must trust that the Lord will take care of our difficult circumstances in His perfect way. Psalm 34:5 tells us, "those who look to Him are radiant" with joy. Family care-giving issues and other life worries can seem so impossibly challenging. Yet when we keep our eyes focused on the Lord and on His promises, our fears and worries will slip away, and our joy and trust in the Lord will increase.
Psalm 34:6 goes on to tell us that David called to the Lord in his troubles. David knew that he had no resources in himself. David knew that he was totally dependent on the Lord. The Lord heard David's prayers, and He saved him from all his troubles. The Lord will also save and help us in times of trouble. In fact, Psalm 34:7 promises us that "the angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them." The Lord's protective guidance and help is all around us each and every moment of our lives. The Lord tells us to to taste and experience His goodness and faithfulness. Blessed and joyful is the person who finds his or her refuge and strength in the Lord alone! God is with you each step of the way, dear caregiver!
When you are feeling overwhelmed with care-giving issues or one of life's other difficulties you need to trust the Lord, dear caregiver, and you need to stand in awe of Him. A child of God can trust the Lord completely, because Psalm 34:10b reminds us that "those who seek the Lord lack no good thing." Wow! What a promise!
When your heart is breaking the Lord hears your prayers, dear caregiver! Psalm 34:17-19 says, "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." A child of God may have many troubles in this life, but the Lord ultimately delivers in all circumstances and situations. Things may not turn out in the way we envisioned or hoped they would, but God is wise. We can trust Him. Even when the Lord took my husband to heaven six years ago in early January, God knew what He was doing and was fulfilling His promises.
Notice once again the world ALL is used. The Lord delivers us from ALL our troubles when we approach Him in faith. He does this in His perfect time and in His perfect way. Things will not be perfect until we reach our eternal home. In fact, the Lord promises us that we will have difficulties in this life. We can trust the Lord, however, to be with us all the way! He has His perfect plan for our lives, and no ultimate spiritual harm can ever come to a child of God!
One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 34. Psalm thirty-four is a beautiful Psalm. Psalm thirty-four is filled with beautiful promises from the Lord to His people. A man named David wrote Psalm thirty-four when he was homeless and hiding from King Saul who was trying to take David's life. David could have concluded that he had nothing for which to be thankful. Instead David said in Psalm 34:1, "I will extol the Lord at all times; His praise will always be on my lips."
Notice David said his praises for the lord would be on his lips at ALL times. Do we praise the Lord at all times? Do you praise God even in the challenges of care-giving, dear caregiver? I remember that being a difficult thing to do, as I watched my husband's body decline step by step. Yet praising God in the difficult moments is the pathway to peace and joy even in those moments.
We must remember that God works all things together for our good. This does not mean that all of life's events are good in themselves. It does mean, however, that the Lord uses even what we consider the bad circumstances in our lives for our ultimate spiritual good. Through difficult times in our lives the Lord teaches us patience, perseverance, and dependence on Him rather than in ourselves. We grow spiritually during those times. Praising God in all circumstances is the secret to a life filled with joy. Praise on our lips and praise in our hearts for the Lord lifts us above our difficulties.
When David was in the midst of a difficult circumstance in his life he sought out the Lord, and the Lord delivered him from all his fears (Psalm 34:4). God did not deliver David from some of his fears but from ALL his fears. We also must bring all our fears and worries to the Lord, and we must leave them with the Lord. We must trust that the Lord will take care of our difficult circumstances in His perfect way. Psalm 34:5 tells us, "those who look to Him are radiant" with joy. Family care-giving issues and other life worries can seem so impossibly challenging. Yet when we keep our eyes focused on the Lord and on His promises, our fears and worries will slip away, and our joy and trust in the Lord will increase.
Psalm 34:6 goes on to tell us that David called to the Lord in his troubles. David knew that he had no resources in himself. David knew that he was totally dependent on the Lord. The Lord heard David's prayers, and He saved him from all his troubles. The Lord will also save and help us in times of trouble. In fact, Psalm 34:7 promises us that "the angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them." The Lord's protective guidance and help is all around us each and every moment of our lives. The Lord tells us to to taste and experience His goodness and faithfulness. Blessed and joyful is the person who finds his or her refuge and strength in the Lord alone! God is with you each step of the way, dear caregiver!
When you are feeling overwhelmed with care-giving issues or one of life's other difficulties you need to trust the Lord, dear caregiver, and you need to stand in awe of Him. A child of God can trust the Lord completely, because Psalm 34:10b reminds us that "those who seek the Lord lack no good thing." Wow! What a promise!
When your heart is breaking the Lord hears your prayers, dear caregiver! Psalm 34:17-19 says, "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." A child of God may have many troubles in this life, but the Lord ultimately delivers in all circumstances and situations. Things may not turn out in the way we envisioned or hoped they would, but God is wise. We can trust Him. Even when the Lord took my husband to heaven six years ago in early January, God knew what He was doing and was fulfilling His promises.
Notice once again the world ALL is used. The Lord delivers us from ALL our troubles when we approach Him in faith. He does this in His perfect time and in His perfect way. Things will not be perfect until we reach our eternal home. In fact, the Lord promises us that we will have difficulties in this life. We can trust the Lord, however, to be with us all the way! He has His perfect plan for our lives, and no ultimate spiritual harm can ever come to a child of God!
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