Changes

Changes, even good changes, are challenging. I remember the change of marrying my first husband, Wayne, in 1971. It was a good change, but it involved working together instead of just thinking of our own selfish needs and wants. I remember the changes of children coming into our lives and later them starting kindergarten and still later going off to college. I further remember grandchildren entering our lives. Many of these changes were wonderful.

Wayne and I experienced the challenges of unemployment at a few different times in our lives. Those were difficult changes and challenges, but through it all we found the Lord to be faithful. Later there was the devastating challenge of Wayne's diagnosis. Each change and step downward in his physical functioning was difficult. Finally losing Wayne to death and then becoming a widow was also a life-changing event. Yet through those difficult years Jesus Christ became very precious to me. My relationship with Him and my reliance on the promises of His Word became more and more wonderful to me. That was a good change. So even in the difficult changes of life, God can bring wonderful changes in us as well.

After eight and a half years of widowhood I remarried in 2019.  My new husband's name is Bob.  This initially was a wonderful change in my life, but it too involved adaptations. It involved laying down my life for my husband and not just thinking about myself. It involved finding a new normal in a new house. It involved putting my former house on the market and a busier life style. And now I am experiencing the challenge of Bob, my second husband, being afflicted with dementia.  Unlike Wayne Bob is in a nursing home tied to Hospice. This is different than home care to the end. Yet it also has its own set of unique and very difficult trials.

Yet through all the past changes good and "bad," God has been good. God has grown me spiritually through them all. He has said that He will use all the changes for His glory and my ultimate good. I have often struggled with the challenges and changes, especially the present ones where it is difficult to see what lies ahead in both the near and distant future. Yet God is sovereign however, and He is with me. I need to rest in that truth.

What are the changes and challenges in your life, dear child of God? Through the difficult changes and through the exciting and wonderful changes, God will be with you step by step. He has promised that in His Word. Lean on Him.

Pruning the Branches

 

 

 Recently, my grandson did some work for me on my lawn.  Besides helping with some weeding, he also pruned the rose bush in the picture above. Pruning the rose bush in the fall of the year is actually good for the bush and makes the bush more beautiful.   It also causes it to grow more beautiful roses in the spring of the year. 

Often things in creation teach spiritual truths.  Jesus taught us in John 15 that He is the true Vine, and the Father is the Gardener.  We are the branches  The Father cuts off any branch that bears no fruit.  Every branch that does bear fruit, however, He prunes, so that is will bear more fruit.  

One of the ways that the Father prunes us, the branches, is through times of testing and trials.  Trials forces us to cling more tightly to Jesus, the Vine, which causes us to grow spiritually and enables us to produce true and more beautiful spiritual fruit.  Again, this happens, as we cling to Him, remain in Him, love Him, and seek to obey Him.  Jesus said in John 15:8, "This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."

If my rose bush was never pruned, it would eventually get out of control and lose it's beauty.  God's spiritual pruning in our lives is often not enjoyable, and it is often painful.  God's cutting away of undesirable things in our lives and helping us grow more beautiful spiritual fruit is a wonderful thing, however.

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Hope

As many of you know, some trials and challenges have hit heavily  in my life and in the life of my husband in the last months.  My husband has been first in an assisted living facility and now in a skilled nursing home since January of this year.

It is easy to become discouraged in times like these, but God promises us hope in times of trial, if we just latch on to the hope He promises.  This is not a wishful thinking type hope, but it is a hope which is sure and solid even in the midst of our fickle and wavering emotions.  The hope God offers is based on His sure character and sure promises.  His hope reminds me that that I need not be in a chronic state of anxiety or panic.  The Lord and His hope promises me that He will guide me step by step, and that things will work out according to God's perfect plan.  Hope tells me that life will never be easy, but the Lord has overcome the world.  God's purpose will be fulfilled in the world and in my life.  Hope tells me that the Lord has an eternal love for me.  His hope reminds me that the Lord is growing me in my character through the difficult trials. God's hope reminds me to focus on the unseen and not on the seen and also on what is still good in my life.  

I have a little plaque in my home which says "PRAY WAIT TRUST."  Lord, help me to pray and then wait for Your perfect timing by trusting in You and resting in Your Hope.   

Joy in the Midst of Heartaches

 

When our hearts are aching and circumstances around us are very difficult, is it possible to have joy?  For me personally, this past year or so has included some physical pain problems and also again some heartbreaking situations involving loved ones of mine.   If we properly understand the concept of joy, however, it truly is possible to have joy no matter what is transpiring in our lives. We can experience joy in the midst of heartbreak and right along side emotional and physical pain.  We need to remind ourselves that joy is not the same as happiness.  Happiness is based on perfect circumstances.  Joy is based on something much more profound.

Joy is only grounded in the Lord and not on our shifting and fickle emotions.  It is a gift of the Holy Spirit.  Yet we also need to be always pursuing it, because Satan's lies and our own emotions can so easily drag us down.  Personal heartaches and trials, loved one's illnesses and sorrows, and the conditions of the world around us can so easily discourage us.  We should feel sorrow and heartbreak over many things around us.  Yet our joy is found not in circumstances but in a Person, the Lord. Our joy is found in the character of the Lord.  He is always faithful and always loves His people with an eternal love.  He is also powerful to help us in our trials.

I remember in my younger years thinking that if I could just get through the next situation then everything would be good.  Yet there is always a new trial or challenge to face around the bend.  I remember the heartaches I felt while as his caregiver I watched my first husband slowly lose his battle against his neurological disease.  I remember the grief I felt when finally losing him in death.  I know the sadness I feel right now, as I watch my second husband decline.    Yet my God was and is always faithful, and He was and is always present.  The Lord is the definition of joy.  I need to remind myself that He is also the definition of joy in current struggles as well as past struggles.

Also it is important to remember that the more we grieve over our sins, the more joy we find as we turn to the Lord and realize all He has done for us.  Further, it is important to remember that as we experience heartaches and trials our capacity for joy increases.  These heartaches help us appreciate our remaining blessings.  These blessings for me can include something as simple as a beautiful flower or sunrise.  It can include helping others or laughter shared.  Heartaches themselves can be a blessing, because they help us see God sovereignly working in the midst of our trials and as a result of our trials.  This too adds joy to our lives.  It is a supernatural spiritual thing that only comes from the Holy Spirit.

I don't know about you, but sometimes I become so weary of the constant challenges and trials.  Yet without them I would not have to lean on the Lord so heavily.  Without them there would not be true joy.  Joy is a possession found only in the Lord.  Lord, help me always to remember that when I become discouraged.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

 

(Following is a chapter from my book:  Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers. My book was written and published after the death of my first husband, Wayne.  When I speak of my husband in this post I am refering to him.  This post details my experience with breast cancer  during the same appoximate time I was caring for him.)  

"Seeking to provide for my husband’s needs during my care-giving days could get emotionally heavy at times, but I feel my past experiences helped to prepare me somewhat for the care-giving challenges. One of these experiences actually coincided with the beginning stages of my care-giving days. That experience was my fight against breast cancer.

In July of 2007, about a year after my husband was diagnosed with his disease, I noticed a swelling in my right breast and under my arm. I was able to book an appointment with my physician’s assistant. She sent me for a mammogram and MRI the next day. A couple days later I received the devastating news that I did indeed have breast cancer and that the cancer had invaded my lymph nodes. The tumor in my breast was very large, and my doctor told me later that my lymph nodes were all gummed together.

A few days later I found myself at my oncologist’s office, and after a full body scan at the hospital I began chemo. I began chemo by the end of July of 2007. All together I had 8 chemo treatments in 3 week cycles, mastectomy surgery with all my lymph nodes under my arm removed, and 6 1/2 weeks of radiation daily. Side effects of chemo were fatigue, mild nausea sometimes, food tasting like cardboard, loss of all of my hair etc. Radiation caused some burning, but it was manageable. All treatment was completed in April of 2008!

During the time of my cancer treatments I had a host of people praying for me-even people across the ocean! We also had people from our church bringing in meals twice a week for a long time. I further had church people bringing me to all my chemo treatments and most of my radiation treatments. The medical people at my cancer care center were wonderful.

Cancer treatments would not be a time that I would want to go through again, but at the same time it was a time of blessing as well as hardship. It is hard to explain, but I became more free in my spirit and less concerned about other’s opinions as a result to this cancer experience. I experienced the love of other people, and most of all I experienced the love of my Lord and Savior in a new and fresh way. I learned dependence on the Lord God during those many months, and I grew in my faith. The Lord’s strength and His love to me demonstrated through others helped me through those months.

I still am miles away from having it altogether. Just perhaps, however, I will be able to face today and the days ahead with more of God’s strength, because of my cancer experience and my experiences with the heartaches of care-giving. The memory of those days will never go away. It has changed whom I am forever mostly for the good.

I know that there will always be problems in this life, but I am further certain that my Lord and Savior will be with me all through my life. I know He will give me the strength to handle anything I need to face in the future. Even in hard times God has promised to be with me and bless me and someday take me to live with Him eternally. Dear Christian caregiver, rest in Him."



(Look on the side of this home page for a link to the order page for my book on Amazon. The book is also available at Barnes and Noble and elsewhere online.  If you prefer a signed copy from me directly, just e-mail me at jesuschild674@gmail.com for specifics.)

Never Separated From His Love

Sometimes the future can seem so uncertain and fearful to a caregiver of a loved one with a terminal illness. As a caregiver for my first husband I remember having such fears.  I have similar emotions now with my second husband.  As children of God, however, we have victory in Christ Jesus, our Lord! We need to fear nothing, for the Lord is on our side! Nothing can separate us from the love of God! What an awesome thought, and what an awesome promise! In light of all this there can and should be overflowing joy in our hearts!

We are secure in Christ for time and for eternity. Sometimes we may feel as if everything is against us, but the Word of God teaches us that the great God of the universe is always for us and is always with us! (Romans 8:31-32) God proved His love for us by sending His only Son to die for our sins. Surely we can trust Him to provide us with everything we need for time and eternity. In the uncertainties of life Christians can rest in the Lord. They have the Lord God on their side, and they are victors in Him!

Nothing will happen to us that is not in God's plan for our lives, so we need not fear. Finally, Christ is always interceding for His children before God the Father! He is interceding for you dear Christian! He knows your heartaches, your challenges, and your fears; and He is praying for you! What a blessed promise!

In light of all this, what set of circumstances can ever separate you or I from the love of Christ, dear, Christian? (Romans 8:35a) The answer is that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ! No matter what hardships, trials or heartaches we may be experiencing in our lives at the moment, we are never separated from the love of Christ.

In fact, trials in our lives are part of God's plan and purpose for our lives to mold us to become more like Jesus in our character and attitudes. You and I are not separated from God’s love by any heartache. Rather the Lord is with us in a special way guiding and comforting us.

What is more Romans 8:37 teaches you that we are more than a conqueror! You and I become a conqueror through the trials by patiently enduring these trials and by being submissive to the Lord's will. We become more than a conqueror by using these experiences to grow in our love and service for the Lord.  God promises that He will bring ultimate victory and peace for us also.

Absolutely nothing will ever separate us from the love of God and the victory we have in the Lord Jesus Christ! (Romans 8:38-39) Praise the name of the Lord for our victory in Him!

"What am I Doing Here?"

 

As most of you know my husband lives in a skilled nursing home.  Sometimes when I visit him his wheelchair along with some other residents' chairs are sitting in the hallway near the nurse's station. Recently one of other residents asked different nursing home employees the same question several times.  Her question asked in confusion was, "What am I doing here?"  

As I observe the different residents I am stuck with the fact that the residents are so like the people outside the nursing home.  The residents are just more vulnerable and dependent on others than we are at this time in our lives.  How many of us have not asked or thought."What am I doing here?"  Life can get pretty overwhelming and confusing at times, and it is sometimes difficult to see the purpose for what is occurring in our lives.

A beautiful answer for what is our purpose in life can be found in an answer to a question in the Westminster Shorter Catechism.   A question there asks. "What is the chief end of man?"  The beautiful answer given is this:  "The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever."  So what are you and I doing here?  It should be to glorify and obey the Lord in both difficult times and in times when things are going smoothly according to our perspective  The second thing we should do is just enjoy the Lord, to love being in a relationship with Him, to rest in Him and to trust Him.  It is such a simple concept, but we so often needlessly make it so complicated.  

The other day during my devotions time I was so struck by a verse from Proverbs 20:24.   I posted the verse on Facebook.  The verse says, "A person's steps are directed by the Lord.  How then can anyone understand their own way?"  I take this to mean that God is in ultimate control of life.  Therefore I need to relax in His directing and timing. I asked for other people on Facebook to respond and give their understanding on this verse as well.  One person said, "Life is so complex and difficult to understand and seemingly  a mess in our understanding .  Thankfully God is sovereign over all.  He is in control and in that we can rest."

Yet another person said this, "First I see a strong statement on God' s care for us and after that a question.  And I think the question opens up to me that the closer we are to God, the better relationship we have with him, the better we can understand His plans and guidance in our lives."

Another person said, "The sovereignty of God is one of the most comforting doctrines of the church.  Yet another person added, "I needed to hear this and be reminded of God's love and care when life takes a big twist I don't want."  Thanks to all who gave such beautiful and insightful answers to the verse in Proverbs. 

On another note, at one point in time when the lady from the nursing home again asked the question, "What am I doing here?" someone answered, "Because your doctor and family want you to be here.  I had to almost chuckle at her response.  She said, "My doctor is crazy, and so are my family."  So often we are likewise confused about what God allows in our lives.  We do not always understand God's ways. Yet God is infininetly wiser than we are, and we can trust His directing and sovereignty in our lives.