Joy in the Midst of Heartaches

 

When our hearts are aching and circumstances around us are very difficult, is it possible to have joy?  For me personally, this past year or so has included some physical pain problems and also again some heartbreaking situations involving loved ones of mine.   If we properly understand the concept of joy, however, it truly is possible to have joy no matter what is transpiring in our lives. We can experience joy in the midst of heartbreak and right along side emotional and physical pain.  We need to remind ourselves that joy is not the same as happiness.  Happiness is based on perfect circumstances.  Joy is based on something much more profound.

Joy is only grounded in the Lord and not on our shifting and fickle emotions.  It is a gift of the Holy Spirit.  Yet we also need to be always pursuing it, because Satan's lies and our own emotions can so easily drag us down.  Personal heartaches and trials, loved one's illnesses and sorrows, and the conditions of the world around us can so easily discourage us.  We should feel sorrow and heartbreak over many things around us.  Yet our joy is found not in circumstances but in a Person, the Lord. Our joy is found in the character of the Lord.  He is always faithful and always loves His people with an eternal love.  He is also powerful to help us in our trials.

I remember in my younger years thinking that if I could just get through the next situation then everything would be good.  Yet there is always a new trial or challenge to face around the bend.  I remember the heartaches I felt while as his caregiver I watched my first husband slowly lose his battle against his neurological disease.  I remember the grief I felt when finally losing him in death.  I know the sadness I feel right now, as I watch my second husband decline.    Yet my God was and is always faithful, and He was and is always present.  The Lord is the definition of joy.  I need to remind myself that He is also the definition of joy in current struggles as well as past struggles.

Also it is important to remember that the more we grieve over our sins, the more joy we find as we turn to the Lord and realize all He has done for us.  Further, it is important to remember that as we experience heartaches and trials our capacity for joy increases.  These heartaches help us appreciate our remaining blessings.  These blessings for me can include something as simple as a beautiful flower or sunrise.  It can include helping others or laughter shared.  Heartaches themselves can be a blessing, because they help us see God sovereignly working in the midst of our trials and as a result of our trials.  This too adds joy to our lives.  It is a supernatural spiritual thing that only comes from the Holy Spirit.

I don't know about you, but sometimes I become so weary of the constant challenges and trials.  Yet without them I would not have to lean on the Lord so heavily.  Without them there would not be true joy.  Joy is a possession found only in the Lord.  Lord, help me always to remember that when I become discouraged.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

 

(Following is a chapter from my book:  Dear Caregiver Reflections for Family Caregivers. My book was written and published after the death of my first husband, Wayne.  When I speak of my husband in this post I am refering to him.  This post details my experience with breast cancer  during the same appoximate time I was caring for him.)  

"Seeking to provide for my husband’s needs during my care-giving days could get emotionally heavy at times, but I feel my past experiences helped to prepare me somewhat for the care-giving challenges. One of these experiences actually coincided with the beginning stages of my care-giving days. That experience was my fight against breast cancer.

In July of 2007, about a year after my husband was diagnosed with his disease, I noticed a swelling in my right breast and under my arm. I was able to book an appointment with my physician’s assistant. She sent me for a mammogram and MRI the next day. A couple days later I received the devastating news that I did indeed have breast cancer and that the cancer had invaded my lymph nodes. The tumor in my breast was very large, and my doctor told me later that my lymph nodes were all gummed together.

A few days later I found myself at my oncologist’s office, and after a full body scan at the hospital I began chemo. I began chemo by the end of July of 2007. All together I had 8 chemo treatments in 3 week cycles, mastectomy surgery with all my lymph nodes under my arm removed, and 6 1/2 weeks of radiation daily. Side effects of chemo were fatigue, mild nausea sometimes, food tasting like cardboard, loss of all of my hair etc. Radiation caused some burning, but it was manageable. All treatment was completed in April of 2008!

During the time of my cancer treatments I had a host of people praying for me-even people across the ocean! We also had people from our church bringing in meals twice a week for a long time. I further had church people bringing me to all my chemo treatments and most of my radiation treatments. The medical people at my cancer care center were wonderful.

Cancer treatments would not be a time that I would want to go through again, but at the same time it was a time of blessing as well as hardship. It is hard to explain, but I became more free in my spirit and less concerned about other’s opinions as a result to this cancer experience. I experienced the love of other people, and most of all I experienced the love of my Lord and Savior in a new and fresh way. I learned dependence on the Lord God during those many months, and I grew in my faith. The Lord’s strength and His love to me demonstrated through others helped me through those months.

I still am miles away from having it altogether. Just perhaps, however, I will be able to face today and the days ahead with more of God’s strength, because of my cancer experience and my experiences with the heartaches of care-giving. The memory of those days will never go away. It has changed whom I am forever mostly for the good.

I know that there will always be problems in this life, but I am further certain that my Lord and Savior will be with me all through my life. I know He will give me the strength to handle anything I need to face in the future. Even in hard times God has promised to be with me and bless me and someday take me to live with Him eternally. Dear Christian caregiver, rest in Him."



(Look on the side of this home page for a link to the order page for my book on Amazon. The book is also available at Barnes and Noble and elsewhere online.  If you prefer a signed copy from me directly, just e-mail me at jesuschild674@gmail.com for specifics.)

Never Separated From His Love

Sometimes the future can seem so uncertain and fearful to a caregiver of a loved one with a terminal illness. As a caregiver for my first husband I remember having such fears.  I have similar emotions now with my second husband.  As children of God, however, we have victory in Christ Jesus, our Lord! We need to fear nothing, for the Lord is on our side! Nothing can separate us from the love of God! What an awesome thought, and what an awesome promise! In light of all this there can and should be overflowing joy in our hearts!

We are secure in Christ for time and for eternity. Sometimes we may feel as if everything is against us, but the Word of God teaches us that the great God of the universe is always for us and is always with us! (Romans 8:31-32) God proved His love for us by sending His only Son to die for our sins. Surely we can trust Him to provide us with everything we need for time and eternity. In the uncertainties of life Christians can rest in the Lord. They have the Lord God on their side, and they are victors in Him!

Nothing will happen to us that is not in God's plan for our lives, so we need not fear. Finally, Christ is always interceding for His children before God the Father! He is interceding for you dear Christian! He knows your heartaches, your challenges, and your fears; and He is praying for you! What a blessed promise!

In light of all this, what set of circumstances can ever separate you or I from the love of Christ, dear, Christian? (Romans 8:35a) The answer is that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ! No matter what hardships, trials or heartaches we may be experiencing in our lives at the moment, we are never separated from the love of Christ.

In fact, trials in our lives are part of God's plan and purpose for our lives to mold us to become more like Jesus in our character and attitudes. You and I are not separated from God’s love by any heartache. Rather the Lord is with us in a special way guiding and comforting us.

What is more Romans 8:37 teaches you that we are more than a conqueror! You and I become a conqueror through the trials by patiently enduring these trials and by being submissive to the Lord's will. We become more than a conqueror by using these experiences to grow in our love and service for the Lord.  God promises that He will bring ultimate victory and peace for us also.

Absolutely nothing will ever separate us from the love of God and the victory we have in the Lord Jesus Christ! (Romans 8:38-39) Praise the name of the Lord for our victory in Him!

"What am I Doing Here?"

 

As most of you know my husband lives in a skilled nursing home.  Sometimes when I visit him his wheelchair along with some other residents' chairs are sitting in the hallway near the nurse's station. Recently one of other residents asked different nursing home employees the same question several times.  Her question asked in confusion was, "What am I doing here?"  

As I observe the different residents I am stuck with the fact that the residents are so like the people outside the nursing home.  The residents are just more vulnerable and dependent on others than we are at this time in our lives.  How many of us have not asked or thought."What am I doing here?"  Life can get pretty overwhelming and confusing at times, and it is sometimes difficult to see the purpose for what is occurring in our lives.

A beautiful answer for what is our purpose in life can be found in an answer to a question in the Westminster Shorter Catechism.   A question there asks. "What is the chief end of man?"  The beautiful answer given is this:  "The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever."  So what are you and I doing here?  It should be to glorify and obey the Lord in both difficult times and in times when things are going smoothly according to our perspective  The second thing we should do is just enjoy the Lord, to love being in a relationship with Him, to rest in Him and to trust Him.  It is such a simple concept, but we so often needlessly make it so complicated.  

The other day during my devotions time I was so struck by a verse from Proverbs 20:24.   I posted the verse on Facebook.  The verse says, "A person's steps are directed by the Lord.  How then can anyone understand their own way?"  I take this to mean that God is in ultimate control of life.  Therefore I need to relax in His directing and timing. I asked for other people on Facebook to respond and give their understanding on this verse as well.  One person said, "Life is so complex and difficult to understand and seemingly  a mess in our understanding .  Thankfully God is sovereign over all.  He is in control and in that we can rest."

Yet another person said this, "First I see a strong statement on God' s care for us and after that a question.  And I think the question opens up to me that the closer we are to God, the better relationship we have with him, the better we can understand His plans and guidance in our lives."

Another person said, "The sovereignty of God is one of the most comforting doctrines of the church.  Yet another person added, "I needed to hear this and be reminded of God's love and care when life takes a big twist I don't want."  Thanks to all who gave such beautiful and insightful answers to the verse in Proverbs. 

On another note, at one point in time when the lady from the nursing home again asked the question, "What am I doing here?" someone answered, "Because your doctor and family want you to be here.  I had to almost chuckle at her response.  She said, "My doctor is crazy, and so are my family."  So often we are likewise confused about what God allows in our lives.  We do not always understand God's ways. Yet God is infininetly wiser than we are, and we can trust His directing and sovereignty in our lives.

  

Trusting the God of my "Whys?"

 

In the book of Job in the Old Testament we read about a godly man who lost everything he owned and all his children in a series of disasters.  As if that was not sufficient suffering, he was afflicted with a horrible disease.

Do you ever wonder, dear Christian, why God has allowed the illness of your loved one for whom you are caring? Have you ever wondered why you have to go through all the heartaches and challenges of caring for your ill or disabled loved one? Have you ever wondered why you, a child of God, have to endure these trials or perhaps other trials?

In the book of Job in the Old Testament, Job, began to ask these questions. God responded to Job in chapter 42. In effect God says, “Who are you to question My ways and My plans? Why should you question Me without knowledge, without understanding My wisdom? You have no right to question Me. Your knowledge is too limited to understand My ways. You do not have My power and wisdom.” Later Job said to God that he had spoken of things that were far beyond his understanding. These were things only God could understand, and Job repented of questioning God’s ways.

I do not understand why my first husband and now my second husband (although the diseases are different) were afflicted with devastating neurological diseases.  I do not know why I had to go through all the heartaches of being my first husband's caregiver and eventually losing him to death or why my second husband of only a little more than five years now needs to be confined to a skilled nursing home.  However, I must trust God that He knows what He was doing, no matter how difficult life became then and becomes now 

The Bible reminds us that we can trust in the Lord, for He has and never will forsake us. His ways are perfect even when we do not understand His ways. He is our shield, and we can take refuge in Him. I can trust in Him and not be afraid of what the future holds. Even in difficult times He is my strength and song.

I do know that I have been strengthened in my faith, and my relationship with the Lord is more precious than ever because of all that has happened to me. God has been my help and support through it all. I needed and still need to trust in Him alone. I don’t understand all God’s ways; but I do know He is a wise, faithful, and loving God. I do know that He is worthy of my trust.

Christian, you do not know what the future holds for you, but you do know that the Lord God holds your future. You may not understand His ways, but He asks you to trust Him. His ways are not always your ways, but He knows what He is doing in what He allows in your life. Rest in Him.

Google or God?

 

I follow a page on Facebook called "Walking Through Fire."  The page is managed and authored by Vaneetha Randal Risner.  Recently she posted something that really convicted me in my spirit.  She asked the question about where do we run when we are troubled by life's burdens.  Do we run to Google, or do do we run to God for peace?  Do we trust that God already has the plan and the situation in his control, or do we think we have to control and manage the situation?  

The truth of the matter is that more information that I might find on Google is not going to give me more peace about the difficult situations I am encountering in my life.  Resting in the Lord and trusting in Him is the only thing that can do that.  Seeking the Lord's presence is the only thing that can accomplish that goal.  Matthew 6:34 tells us that each day has enough trouble of its own, so why worry about tomorrow.  I think  we tend to think that if we have enough information we have some kind of control over the future.  Only the Lord has that kind of control, and He promises to be with us and guide us each step of the way.  Let's just rest in Him. 

Seeing Miracles or Messes?

It so easy to get bogged down with the messes of life that we no longer clearly see God's presence and His miracles.  Sometimes the struggles of life can wear us down physically, emotionally, and even spiritually.  In times like these we need to stay focused on the blessings, the daily miracles that are in our lives. We need to remember all the times the Lord has been with us in the past, and we need to trust that He will be with us in the days ahead.  We need to fix our eyes on the Lord and trust His promises to always be with us.

Lysa TerKeurst in her book entitled, Embraced 100 Devotions to Know God is Holding You Close wrote the following,, "I get so focused on the mess, I miss the miracles."  Later in that same devotional she prays this prayer to the Lord, "Please don't let the messes of life harden my heart and blind me to Your presence.  Instead of being so terrified in the midst of the mess, might I keep the picture of You, watching me, always watching me.  And might I find courage in the assurance that You will come to me with Your miraculous presence."

So may we also focus on the miraculous presence of the Lord in our lives; as we face life's trials, troubles, and messes.  May we exchange our negative emotions for "a crown of beauty," with "the oil of gladness," and a "garment of praise" (Isaiah 61:2-3).  Life is sometimes difficult, but focusing on the blessings and the wonderful presence of the Lord is the key to peace in the midst of it.