Recently the October, 2011 issue of Tabletalk magazine from Ligonier Magazine came into my hands. This particular issue is dedicated exclusively to dealing with death and disease. A friend of mine thought some of the articles in this issue would be helpful for me to read since I went through four and a half years of caregiving with my husband, and then I experienced his death on January 2, 2011.
One of the articles in this issue of Tabletalk is by Ken Tada, Joni Eareckson Tada’s husband. As her husband Ken is one of Joni’s caregivers. In fact Joni was disabled when Ken married her. He shares some of his experiences as Joni’s caregiver and husband in this article.
The name of the article is “Caregiving: A cause for Christ.” I invite you to copy/paste the internet address listed below into your search engine in order to be able to find and read his article. It will be worth your time!
http://www.ligonier.org/learn/articles/caregiving-a-cause-for-christ/
Monday, November 28, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving
On Nov 25, 2009 I wrote the following words:
“A caregiving friend of mine said the following, ‘I’ve never known anything so heartbreakingly difficult, but yet can be so rewarding and feels like a gift.’ Our caregiving role is a difficult gift that has been given to us.
So often I feel that I could do without this difficult ‘gift’ in my life. I often long for the days when things were different. If I am honest, however, I know I have grown spiritually, emotionally, and in character through this experience. If I am honest I still see many other blessings in my life also.”
Dear Christian caregiver, I hope you will find reprieve and blessing this Thanksgiving. In the midst of the chaos and difficulties of caregiving may you find the peace and the presence of the Lord. May you find a thankful heart even in the difficult times, for in this way you will also find true joy. Happy Thanksgiving, dear caregiver. May God bless you richly for your role as a caregiver!
“A caregiving friend of mine said the following, ‘I’ve never known anything so heartbreakingly difficult, but yet can be so rewarding and feels like a gift.’ Our caregiving role is a difficult gift that has been given to us.
So often I feel that I could do without this difficult ‘gift’ in my life. I often long for the days when things were different. If I am honest, however, I know I have grown spiritually, emotionally, and in character through this experience. If I am honest I still see many other blessings in my life also.”
Dear Christian caregiver, I hope you will find reprieve and blessing this Thanksgiving. In the midst of the chaos and difficulties of caregiving may you find the peace and the presence of the Lord. May you find a thankful heart even in the difficult times, for in this way you will also find true joy. Happy Thanksgiving, dear caregiver. May God bless you richly for your role as a caregiver!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Out of the Mouths of Babes
On most Wednesday mornings I give my daughter-in-law a little respite by helping with two of my granddaughters’ home schooling. I did this for her even before my husband’s death on January 2, 2011.
One day in November of 2009 when I was helping with home schooling the girls sang a Scripture song they were learning for their Bible class. It was based on the Scripture passage in Jeremiah 29:11 which tells us that God has good plans for our lives and wants to give us hope and a future.
I asked my granddaughters that day, “Is this true even when sad things happen? They said, “Yes.” So I said, “What about Grandpa not being able to walk?” They had to think about this, but still said, “Yes.”
Then one of my granddaughters said, “One good thing is now that Grandpa can’t work, he can come to the Thursday night suppers at our house.” Out of the mouths of babes! Finding little blessings in difficult situations.
Those words from my granddaughter’s month that day in 2009 reminded me that I needed to strive to see the blessings in my life and to not focus on the difficulties and challenges of my caregiving role at that time.
Dear caregiver, there are many heartaches and challenges in being a caregiver. This is especially true if you are caring for a terminally ill person and only see declines in his or her health. In spite of all these things, dear Christian caregiver; keep your focus on the Lord and not the problem. Look for the blessings! It will add to your joy!
One day in November of 2009 when I was helping with home schooling the girls sang a Scripture song they were learning for their Bible class. It was based on the Scripture passage in Jeremiah 29:11 which tells us that God has good plans for our lives and wants to give us hope and a future.
I asked my granddaughters that day, “Is this true even when sad things happen? They said, “Yes.” So I said, “What about Grandpa not being able to walk?” They had to think about this, but still said, “Yes.”
Then one of my granddaughters said, “One good thing is now that Grandpa can’t work, he can come to the Thursday night suppers at our house.” Out of the mouths of babes! Finding little blessings in difficult situations.
Those words from my granddaughter’s month that day in 2009 reminded me that I needed to strive to see the blessings in my life and to not focus on the difficulties and challenges of my caregiving role at that time.
Dear caregiver, there are many heartaches and challenges in being a caregiver. This is especially true if you are caring for a terminally ill person and only see declines in his or her health. In spite of all these things, dear Christian caregiver; keep your focus on the Lord and not the problem. Look for the blessings! It will add to your joy!
Monday, November 7, 2011
Letting Go
Often caregiving for a terminally ill loved one can become so overwhelming that it can stir up all kinds of negative emotions. I think this is also true of any difficult or heartbreaking life challenge.
I was a caregiver for my husband for about four and a half years. By the fall of 2010 my husband’s disease had progressed to the point that he was pretty much dependent on me for everything. At that time I found myself becoming increasingly stressed. By God’s grace through the extra help of my son and a lift we were able to navigate through that period of time. Little did I know at that time that just a few months later on January 2, 2011 my husband would pass into eternity.
In November of 2010 I was challenged to write about my thoughts on the idea of letting going. Below are the words that I scribed at that time:
“I want to let go of fear for the future. My husband’s health is declining, and there have been significant changes lately. It is easy to fear the future, but I want to let go of fear, and I want to just trust. I want to let go of fear and replace it with trust, faith, and peace. I also want to let go of the daily stress or any form of self-pity I feel and just take a more peaceful attitude about the events of the day. I want to approach them calmly step by step.
I want to let go of “what ifs” and “oh nos” from my thinking. I want to let go of how I wish things were in my life, and I want to truly accept things as they are. I want to let go of both the expectations I have in my life of myself and the perceived expectations I think others have of me. I also want to let go of the expectations I have of others. I want to let go and watch God work.”
Dear Christian caregiver, what negative emotions do you need to work on releasing? Releasing them will add to your peace and even joy.
I was a caregiver for my husband for about four and a half years. By the fall of 2010 my husband’s disease had progressed to the point that he was pretty much dependent on me for everything. At that time I found myself becoming increasingly stressed. By God’s grace through the extra help of my son and a lift we were able to navigate through that period of time. Little did I know at that time that just a few months later on January 2, 2011 my husband would pass into eternity.
In November of 2010 I was challenged to write about my thoughts on the idea of letting going. Below are the words that I scribed at that time:
“I want to let go of fear for the future. My husband’s health is declining, and there have been significant changes lately. It is easy to fear the future, but I want to let go of fear, and I want to just trust. I want to let go of fear and replace it with trust, faith, and peace. I also want to let go of the daily stress or any form of self-pity I feel and just take a more peaceful attitude about the events of the day. I want to approach them calmly step by step.
I want to let go of “what ifs” and “oh nos” from my thinking. I want to let go of how I wish things were in my life, and I want to truly accept things as they are. I want to let go of both the expectations I have in my life of myself and the perceived expectations I think others have of me. I also want to let go of the expectations I have of others. I want to let go and watch God work.”
Dear Christian caregiver, what negative emotions do you need to work on releasing? Releasing them will add to your peace and even joy.
Monday, October 31, 2011
The God of Healing
As a caregiver have you ever wondered why does God not always heal your loved one’s devastating disease? Why did that person get this awful disease in the first place? Jesus Christ performed many miracles during His lifetime. Why doesn’t He perform a miracle in your loved one’s life? As a caregiver have you ever asked yourself these questions?
Jesus’ miracles in the Bible prove that He is a God of compassion and a God of healing. It proves that He cares about people with great needs. These miracles also prove that He is the Son of God. They further prove that He is a promise keeping God.
So why does God heal some people and not others? About a year after my husband was diagnosed with His serious neurological disease I was diagnosed with breast cancer. After 8 months of treatment including chemo, a mastectomy, and radiation four years later I am doing very well. After 4 ½ years of suffering the declines and indignities of his disease, however, my husband died on January 2, 2011. So why was I healed, and he was not?
God IS a God of healing, and He DOES care about us, but He sees the big picture when we do not. He says to us as His children, “I am the One who was promised to you long ago. I am the One who saved You from Your sins and made you My child. That in itself proves I am a God of miracles, and I have done a miracle in your life. I am the ultimate answer to all of your needs.”
Some people believe that Jesus Christ’s miracles prove that He will heal all of our bodily diseases. God sometimes has a reason for not healing all of our bodily diseases, however. Sometimes He has a greater purpose for those people who are not healed from their diseases. Sometimes people can bring greater glory to God through their steadfastness in the midst of their disease.
For those who believe God will heal every bodily disease God says, “You have missed the point of my healing! You just don’t get it! You are so focused on what you hope to receive from Me that You have missed ME. I am the great God of the universe who loves you with an infinite love, and I want to give you much more than physical healing. I want to give you MYSELF!”
Dear Christian Caregiver, embrace the God of ultimate healing and the God who will meet all your ultimate needs. Ask Him to give you a willing heart to embrace His plan and purpose for your life even in the heartaches of caregiving and sometimes seeing your loved one decline in his or her health. Embrace Him.
Jesus’ miracles in the Bible prove that He is a God of compassion and a God of healing. It proves that He cares about people with great needs. These miracles also prove that He is the Son of God. They further prove that He is a promise keeping God.
So why does God heal some people and not others? About a year after my husband was diagnosed with His serious neurological disease I was diagnosed with breast cancer. After 8 months of treatment including chemo, a mastectomy, and radiation four years later I am doing very well. After 4 ½ years of suffering the declines and indignities of his disease, however, my husband died on January 2, 2011. So why was I healed, and he was not?
God IS a God of healing, and He DOES care about us, but He sees the big picture when we do not. He says to us as His children, “I am the One who was promised to you long ago. I am the One who saved You from Your sins and made you My child. That in itself proves I am a God of miracles, and I have done a miracle in your life. I am the ultimate answer to all of your needs.”
Some people believe that Jesus Christ’s miracles prove that He will heal all of our bodily diseases. God sometimes has a reason for not healing all of our bodily diseases, however. Sometimes He has a greater purpose for those people who are not healed from their diseases. Sometimes people can bring greater glory to God through their steadfastness in the midst of their disease.
For those who believe God will heal every bodily disease God says, “You have missed the point of my healing! You just don’t get it! You are so focused on what you hope to receive from Me that You have missed ME. I am the great God of the universe who loves you with an infinite love, and I want to give you much more than physical healing. I want to give you MYSELF!”
Dear Christian Caregiver, embrace the God of ultimate healing and the God who will meet all your ultimate needs. Ask Him to give you a willing heart to embrace His plan and purpose for your life even in the heartaches of caregiving and sometimes seeing your loved one decline in his or her health. Embrace Him.
Monday, October 24, 2011
The Difficulties of Leaving the House
I have always shopped early for Christmas. In the following paragraphs are words that I journaled in October of 2009. It details one Christmas shopping excursion with my disabled husband. Perhaps you can identify with my adventure, dear caregiver.
On October 20, 2009 I wrote the following words:
“I did some Christmas shopping for the grandkids yesterday. I am almost done shopping for them. I went to Fleet Farm’s Toyland, K-Mart, and two different Wal-Marts. I also loaded up at Aldi’s with groceries. I did this all with my husband, my man in a wheelchair, along. I know I am a little crazy.
Most stores have mobility scooters once one is safely in the store. Fleet Farm loaned me a wheelchair to go out and get my husband, Wayne, from the car. This was nice, because then I did not have to haul our own wheelchair in and out of the car. Then, however, I needed to show my driver’s license as identification so he could use the store’s mobility scooter. I thought, ‘You’ve got to be kidding! No other store requires that.’ Anyhow we completed the process and then we could do our shopping. Next we went to McDonald’s for lunch. I just ran in and ordered, and we ate in the car. Next, we went to K-Mart. I was only in there for a half hour or so, and Wayne decided to stay in the car.
After K-Mart we went to our first Wal-Mart. This time I parked in a handicap spot and grabbed a shopping cart outside. Wayne then slowly shuffled into the store behind that shopping cart with me tightly holding on to him and on to the shopping cart. Once in the store Wayne could use one of their mobility scooters. Wayne’s main concern when he got into Wal-Mart, however, was to look for some pads for his incontinence problem. (Sigh.) We just bought some pads last week or so. So we separated for an hour or two in the store. Wayne did his thing, and I did some more Christmas shopping.
Our next stop was Aldi’s. Aldi’s is a grocery store. Aldi’s has no handicap provisions at all, so I was pushing or pulling the wheelchair and the overflowing shopping cart. It would have been simpler, if Wayne had stayed in the car when I got groceries. He likes grocery stores, however, so he went in with me. I won’t do the Aldi’s thing with him again, however. After we got outside with the wheelchair and the shopping cart a kind lady who didn’t even know us offered to push my grocery cart to our car. Bless her!
Next came one fast stop at the other Wal-Mart (Wayne stayed in the car) and then home to an hour of unpacking. Am I crazy? Probably! I did get a lot of Christmas shopping done early, however, and I also was able to load up on inexpensive groceries. Yesterday was also a beautiful and sunshiny day to do this. Today is cloudy and dreary again.
My original idea was the go shopping a few hours alone. Wayne is fine alone for a few hours. Often he would rather stay home from things, and I have to urge him to get out. I thought I’d better at least ask him if he wanted to go along yesterday, however. This time he decided to go along. So off we went on our adventure yesterday. Am I crazy?”
Dear Caregiver, sometimes getting out with your loved ones are so difficult. In spite of the difficulties, however, treasure every moment you have with them.
On October 20, 2009 I wrote the following words:
“I did some Christmas shopping for the grandkids yesterday. I am almost done shopping for them. I went to Fleet Farm’s Toyland, K-Mart, and two different Wal-Marts. I also loaded up at Aldi’s with groceries. I did this all with my husband, my man in a wheelchair, along. I know I am a little crazy.
Most stores have mobility scooters once one is safely in the store. Fleet Farm loaned me a wheelchair to go out and get my husband, Wayne, from the car. This was nice, because then I did not have to haul our own wheelchair in and out of the car. Then, however, I needed to show my driver’s license as identification so he could use the store’s mobility scooter. I thought, ‘You’ve got to be kidding! No other store requires that.’ Anyhow we completed the process and then we could do our shopping. Next we went to McDonald’s for lunch. I just ran in and ordered, and we ate in the car. Next, we went to K-Mart. I was only in there for a half hour or so, and Wayne decided to stay in the car.
After K-Mart we went to our first Wal-Mart. This time I parked in a handicap spot and grabbed a shopping cart outside. Wayne then slowly shuffled into the store behind that shopping cart with me tightly holding on to him and on to the shopping cart. Once in the store Wayne could use one of their mobility scooters. Wayne’s main concern when he got into Wal-Mart, however, was to look for some pads for his incontinence problem. (Sigh.) We just bought some pads last week or so. So we separated for an hour or two in the store. Wayne did his thing, and I did some more Christmas shopping.
Our next stop was Aldi’s. Aldi’s is a grocery store. Aldi’s has no handicap provisions at all, so I was pushing or pulling the wheelchair and the overflowing shopping cart. It would have been simpler, if Wayne had stayed in the car when I got groceries. He likes grocery stores, however, so he went in with me. I won’t do the Aldi’s thing with him again, however. After we got outside with the wheelchair and the shopping cart a kind lady who didn’t even know us offered to push my grocery cart to our car. Bless her!
Next came one fast stop at the other Wal-Mart (Wayne stayed in the car) and then home to an hour of unpacking. Am I crazy? Probably! I did get a lot of Christmas shopping done early, however, and I also was able to load up on inexpensive groceries. Yesterday was also a beautiful and sunshiny day to do this. Today is cloudy and dreary again.
My original idea was the go shopping a few hours alone. Wayne is fine alone for a few hours. Often he would rather stay home from things, and I have to urge him to get out. I thought I’d better at least ask him if he wanted to go along yesterday, however. This time he decided to go along. So off we went on our adventure yesterday. Am I crazy?”
Dear Caregiver, sometimes getting out with your loved ones are so difficult. In spite of the difficulties, however, treasure every moment you have with them.
Monday, October 17, 2011
The Caregiver's Great "I AM"
In the Bible God has many names. The names of God reveal His character. When God revealed Himself in the burning bush to Moses in the Old Testament of the Bible God said His name was “I AM.” “I AM what?” you may say. God as the great “I AM” means that God is everything any human heart might need. God is even everything the caregiver’s heart might long for and need.
Caregiving is often one of the most difficult challenges any individual can face in this life. Our God says He is with us in life’s trials and difficulties, however. He says that He is the great “I AM.” So how is God the great “I AM” in the caregiver’s life? God says, “I AM the caregiver’s strength. I AM his or her source of guidance and wisdom in the many decisions that need to constantly be made in regards to his or her loved one’s health. I AM the Christian caregiver’s peace in all the chaos and discouragement of caregiving. I AM patient and forgiving, and I AM love personified. I AM the caregiver’s life, and I AM all he or she will ever need. I AM the caregiver’s salvation and righteousness. I AM the caregiver’s all in all.”
When God calls people to the task of caregiving He is calling them to a very important and significant task in this world. The challenges of caregiving can be overwhelming and often are not pleasant, but nonetheless caregiving is a holy calling from God Himself. Likewise when God spoke to the Old Testament Moses in the burning bush., He called Moses to another overwhelming but God ordained task. You can read about it in Exodus 3 in the Bible.
Moses did not want to undertake the task God had assigned him. Moses was afraid and filled with confusion. He felt overwhelmed by what God was asking of Him, and he felt he was not able to do what God had asked of him. God reminded Moses that He would be with him each step of the way. He reminded Moses that He was the great “I AM.” God would be for Moses everything Moses needed. To complete the task that God had assigned him.
Dear Christian Caregiver, the Lord God is also your great “I AM.” He is your all and all. He will be with you each step of the way. Especially during the last months of my husband’s life my caregiving responsibilities became very overwhelming. My husband could do next to nothing on his own, and the deterioration of his body was heartbreaking. I sometimes felt as if I could not continue in God’s ordained task for me of caregiving for my husband one more day. I am so glad I had the great “I AM” with me during those days and months and years. Dear Christian Caregiver, rest in faith in your great “I AM.”
Caregiving is often one of the most difficult challenges any individual can face in this life. Our God says He is with us in life’s trials and difficulties, however. He says that He is the great “I AM.” So how is God the great “I AM” in the caregiver’s life? God says, “I AM the caregiver’s strength. I AM his or her source of guidance and wisdom in the many decisions that need to constantly be made in regards to his or her loved one’s health. I AM the Christian caregiver’s peace in all the chaos and discouragement of caregiving. I AM patient and forgiving, and I AM love personified. I AM the caregiver’s life, and I AM all he or she will ever need. I AM the caregiver’s salvation and righteousness. I AM the caregiver’s all in all.”
When God calls people to the task of caregiving He is calling them to a very important and significant task in this world. The challenges of caregiving can be overwhelming and often are not pleasant, but nonetheless caregiving is a holy calling from God Himself. Likewise when God spoke to the Old Testament Moses in the burning bush., He called Moses to another overwhelming but God ordained task. You can read about it in Exodus 3 in the Bible.
Moses did not want to undertake the task God had assigned him. Moses was afraid and filled with confusion. He felt overwhelmed by what God was asking of Him, and he felt he was not able to do what God had asked of him. God reminded Moses that He would be with him each step of the way. He reminded Moses that He was the great “I AM.” God would be for Moses everything Moses needed. To complete the task that God had assigned him.
Dear Christian Caregiver, the Lord God is also your great “I AM.” He is your all and all. He will be with you each step of the way. Especially during the last months of my husband’s life my caregiving responsibilities became very overwhelming. My husband could do next to nothing on his own, and the deterioration of his body was heartbreaking. I sometimes felt as if I could not continue in God’s ordained task for me of caregiving for my husband one more day. I am so glad I had the great “I AM” with me during those days and months and years. Dear Christian Caregiver, rest in faith in your great “I AM.”
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