The Sun is Still Shining

Some days can be cloudy, dreary, and rainy. That is the way it was last week in the town where I live.  More rain and clouds are predicted in this coming week in my town as well. I think we all prefer days which are sunshiny and bright. I know I felt better when the sun just peeked out a little after days of not seeing the sun. It is so much easier to feel joyful in one’s spirit when one can see the sun shining in all its brilliance. Even on days when we can not see the sun, however, it is still shining. It is just hiding behind the clouds.

Family care-giving is like that also. I remember when I was a caregiver having difficulty seeing the blessings that were all around me because of the difficulties and discouraging moments of my days. There were blessings in both the extra difficult days of care-giving and in the days that went more smoothly. Some days the blessings were just hidden behind the clouds of my discouragement about my husband’s disease.

I think we have to make a conscious effort to look for God's blessings, however; because they are there even on the days when we have a difficult time seeing them. Those blessings are there just as surely as the sun is there even on days when it is hiding behind the clouds.

Look for the blessings, dear caregiver, even if they are sometimes hidden behind the clouds of discouragement and difficulty. Try to write down each day at least three things for which you are thankful that day. As you look for and discover the blessings your spirit will be lifted! The sun is still shining behind the clouds of care-giving difficulties and discouragements!

Simply Trusting

The Lord God is the caregiver's refuge, source of guidance, and assurance in the difficult challenges of family care-giving.  Care-giving is one of the most important avenues of service in the kingdom of God.  It also can be a time of despair, discouragement, and bewilderment as to the next wisest step in dealing with the health of one's loved one for whom one is caring.

Every caregiver needs  to ask the Lord to help and guide him or her through the difficult twists and turns of care-givng.  This involves also TRUSTING that God will guide step by step through this process.  God will not usually let the caregiver see far into the future, but the Lord has promised to lead step by step.  He will always walk alongside the caregiver with His sustaining strength.  He will be the caregiver's refuge each step of the way.

The caregiver needs to choose to rest in the Lord.  A caregiver cannot control the circumstances of their loved one's disease, but they can control their response to the circumstances.  That response has to be one of trust in the Lord.  When one sees one's loved one deteriorating in health it is so easy to become discouraged and to become fearful, but the Lord is the source of hope.  He has everything under His control.  He is worthy of our trust.

There are times when the care-giving situation become increasingly desperate and hopeless.  This can cause the caregiver to feel brokenhearted and want to give up.  Remember, dear caregiver, the Lord is very near to you when you feel this way.   God sees your overwhelming situation, and He hears your cry for help.  He can and will bring you through this storm in your life.  He will hear your every cry and meet your every need.  You may not always understand God's ways with you and with your loved one; but He will never leave you or forsake you, dear caregiver.

The Lord may not heal your loved one on this earth, but the Lord will heal them.  If they are a child of God even if they do not conquer their disease on this earth, they will be completely healed.  No matter what happens the Lord will heal you too, dear Christian caregiver.  He will heal you emotionally and spiritually and teach you valuable lessons about His love and faithfulness in the process.  Trust in Him.  Rest in Him.

Easter and the Caregiver

We have just celebrated Easter. What does Easter mean to you, dear Christian caregiver? How does it relate to family care-giving? 

Easter means that the Lord Jesus came to this earth and lived a perfect life for you and me. He later died on the cross to pay the price for our sins, and then He arose again on the third day to prove that He had won over sin and death and Satan. If you and I have accepted his gift of salvation by repentance and faith, we are His child now and for eternity.

Easter also means that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, identifies with your pain and the pain of your loved one, dear caregiver. As you struggle to help your loved one who is perhaps fighting against an incurable disease, He identifies with you. Having suffered the worst possible pain for us on the cross He is able to sympathize with our heartaches and weaknesses. He is also an all powerful Savior to whom we can freely go for grace in our moments of sadness and overwhelming and crushing needs.  Check out Hebrews 4:15-16 in the New Testament.

Because of Easter and Christ's sacrifice you can freely approach God the Father Himself with your and your loved one's needs, dear Christian caregiver. You can cry out to Him for help and call Him your “Abba Father,” because He considers you His special child. (Romans 8:15) Easter also means that when your heart is so weighed down with the heartaches and overwhelming circumstances of family care-giving that you do not even know how to pray, the Holy Spirit will intercede and pray for you! (Romans 8:26)

Easter for the caregiver means that although you will always face trials and troubles in this world, the Lord Jesus Christ has overcome the world.  He is also your source of peace even in the most challenging of times. (John 16:33)  Even in the overwhelming circumstances of family care-giving, even when we do not understand God's ways in allowing certain things in our lives, and even in the most unthinkable circumstances God is working for our ultimate good. We are victors in Him! (Romans 8:28)

Dear Christian caregiver, my hope for you would be that your loved one is healed on this earth. Whether he or she is healed on this earth or not, however, a child of God is whole and perfect upon entering heaven. No matter what happens in your care-giving situation you too, dear caregiver, will slowly heal emotionally and spiritually. God will always be with you, and joy will return one day. His love for you will never fail. He proved that love for you on the cross. That is the meaning of Easter for the caregiver and for all of us.

Praise the Lord

Family caregivers often face overwhelming physical and emotional struggles, as they care for their loved ones. This is especially true, if their loved one has a terminal disease and is deteriorating in his or her health month by month and sometimes day by day. In many cases the caregiver's dreams for a beautiful future with their loved one has been shattered. They also often feel weighed down with fears about the future.

Dear Christian caregiver do not let Satan discourage you by his schemes at times like this. Satan is a liar, and he wants you to forget that you are a child of God with the power of God on your side. Satan wants you to forget that you have Christ's resurrection power in you to live for God and carry out your difficult care-giving role. Trust in the Lord. Rest in Him, dear caregiver.

One way the caregiver or anyone for that matter can fight Satan's schemes to discourage us is to praise the Lord in the midst of difficulties. It seems to go so against our instincts to praise the Lord during difficult times, but thankfulness takes the sting out of trials and adversity. The chains of discouragement and despair drop behind us when we praise the Lord. I read somewhere recently that if we give thanks to God in spite of our feelings, He in turn gives us joy in spite of our circumstances. We sense God's presence when we are praising Him in a way that we can not do in any other way. It is said thanksgiving and praise in our hearts squeezes difficult circumstances until joy oozes out of it. Praise for the Lord gives us glimpses of heaven which in turn gives us further reasons to be thankful.

I still remember very vividly those care-giving days taking care of my husband with a rapidly deteriorating neurological disease. Those days were very difficult. This was especially true the last months of his life. It is hard to feel thankful and full of praise in such moments. God asks us to make a SACRIFICE of praise, however, even in those difficult moments. If we do this we will find peace and joy, as we are resting in Him. We may not always understand God's ways, but He does have everything under His control.

Praise the Lord in the midst of all the challenges and difficulties, dear caregiver. It will lift your load.

I have a link posted below. It is a song from the Imperials and it is called Praise the Lord. I hope you will find it a blessing, dear caregiver.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Q-NVHP32L8&feature=share

His Abounding Love

God is a God who is abounding in love.  Sometimes in the storms of care-giving challenges it may not feel that way.  Feelings do not change the truth of God's unfailing love for you, however, dear caregiver.

If you think of your life as a building; the Lord is your sure foundation, dear caregiver.  He is guiding you through the difficult challenges of care-giving.  He is guiding you with His wisdom and knowledge when you feel like you are hitting your head against brick walls.  Many times when I was a caregiver I felt so alone.  Yet I always knew God was with me, and now as I look back I see how He lead me each step of the way. 

Every building also needs a door.  Prayer is the door or access to the very presence of God.  So is trust and thankfulness.  As we trust in Him with a thankful heart, He will pave the way.  Family care-giving is overwhelmingly difficult at times.  I know that, dear caregiver, because I lived it.  Yet God's presence is with you all the way.  You will sense that presence more, as you pray to Him and trust Him with a thankful heart.

Every building also needs a security system of some kind.  This is to prevent others from coming in and doing damage to property or people.  The caregiver's life needs a security system also.  That security system is the Word of God.  As caregivers listen and wait for God to speak to them through the promises of His Word, they are able to fight off the devil's attempts to discourage them.  They are able to rest in the abounding love of the Lord God.

Dear Caregiver, there is not even one area of your life that the love of God is not able to reach.  God's wide and loving arms are able to reach around any care-giving challenge in your life.  He will never leave you or forsake you.  His love is deep enough to meet your deepest discouragement, as you go about the business of caring for your loved one.

Not only is His love with you, dear caregiver, but so is His all-sufficient power.  He can calm your fears.  In your own strength you can not possibly face the challenges of family care-giving, but He has promised to give you His strength in you!  With His strength in you and with His abounding love surrounding you, you can do whatever He asks of you, dear caregiver.  Rest in Him!

Life After Care-giving

Dear Caregiver, do you ever wonder what life will be like after your care-giving days are over? Today I am going to share a little about my life after my care-giving days. I hope it will be a blessing and encouragement to you.

It has been two years as of January 2^nd since my husband's death. The last four and a half years of his life I was his caregiver. I witnessed his physical decline step by step during those years because of his incurable neurological disease. It was a very difficult time for me as his wife and caregiver.

So what happens after care-giving? Life after care-giving for me was a slow process of grieving my husband, Wayne, and processing all that transpired during those care-giving days. In some ways it is a process which I feel will be lifelong. Yet I am so thankful to God for the healing that has occurred. I still miss Wayne and have lonely moments almost every day, but new purpose has also come to my life. I have learned so very much from those care-giving days and during the days since Wayne's death. My faith in my Lord has deepened, and my relationship with Him has sweetened.

At the beginning of 2013 I begin to pray about a verse in the Bible which says God can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20)  My desire was for more than just strength to get through the day but for so much more. Through no effort on my part a few weeks later I was approached to see if I would be willing to do an interview with an New York Times blog writer about my feelings and emotions during and after care-giving. This interview took place on February 7 with Judith Graham. Judith Graham's blog post based on this interview and another caregiver's interview was posted on March 7.

The day of the interview I was nervous before the interview. I had asked others to pray for me, however, and during the interview I felt quite calm. I was able to say much of what was on my heart. When I initially received this request to do the interview I was rather blown away with the “wow” factor of it all. Opportunities like this do not happen to me. It was certainly immeasurably more than I could imagine happening. The blog post based on this did not publish until a month later, however, so there were moments when I wondered if it was going to happen.  When it did publish I was once again blown away by this opportunity that had been given to me. If this New York Times post or my small blog posts here helps even one caregiver, I am blessed.

If you want to read the post go to http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/03/07/after-the-caregiving-ends/   The post contains my story and that of another former caregiver.  My story is about in the middle of the post.

Dear Caregiver, care-giving is emotionally and physically draining. You also may be afraid of what life will be like after care-giving. Trust Him to guide and direct your path for the future. Trust Him to comfort and strengthen you.

Fighting Discouragement

Satan loves to try to discourage us and rob us of our joy as believers. Satan can never snatch us out of the hand of our Lord God, for we are safe in the hands of the Lord forever. So Satan tries to do the next best thing in his eyes. Satan tries to rob us of our joy and effectiveness as Christians.

As a caregiver it is so easy to become discouraged. The heartaches of seeing one’s loved one suffer and deteriorate in his or her body can be very overwhelming. Even the psalmists in the book of Psalms in the Old Testament often expressed feelings of discouragement. In some cases they were experiencing deep trials in spite of their present faithfulness to the Lord God. Hence, they sometimes felt abandoned, crushed, and devalued by God.

Often the psalmists expressed discouragement and perplexity in the midst of their trials. They also, however, expressed faith and confidence in God’s ability to help and restore them. The psalmists further used good battle strategies in facing discouragement. Dear Christian caregiver, perhaps you feel perplexed and discouraged by the difficult circumstances of your care-giving days. The Psalms speak words of advice to you and to all of us in facing discouragement.

One strategy for fighting discouragement demonstrated in the Psalms is prayer. Prayer should be our first recourse for help, deliverance, and restoration in times of trouble and challenge. Prayer should also be our first recourse in fighting the discouragement which sometimes accompanies difficult times. Through the avenue of prayer we can gain peace, joy, and relief from discouragement in facing life’s challenges.

Another strategy for fighting Satan’s attempts to discourage us is a firm confidence in the Lord’s directing and unfailing love, kindness, and faithfulness. We must also pray with the psalmists of old for the Lord God’s guiding and directing light and truth on our paths throughout this life. If we saturate our lives with prayer and the truths of God’s Word, we will have the confidence of the Lord’s presence in our lives. We will also have His joy in full and a song in our hearts. (Psalm 42:8)

Remembering and praising God for His past mercies among His people and in our own personal lives is another great way to fight Satan’s attempts to discourage us. A powerful deterrent to discouragement in present trials and in future challenges is remembering how the Lord God has helped us in the past. (Psalm 77:11-12)

Yet another strategy for fighting discouragement is God-directed self-talk. (Psalm 42:5 & 11 & Psalm 43:5) Saturating one’s mind with God’s Holy Word and then verbally reminding oneself of the awesome truths and promises of God’s Holy Word is one of the best prescriptions against Satan’s discouraging lies.

One final strategy in fighting discouragement is to vow to praise God during our trials and in excited anticipation of the Lord’s answers to our prayers and wonders in our lives. (Psalm 43:4) May the Lord God’s song and joy not Satan’s discouraging lies reside in you, dear caregiver, and in all of us!